(no subject)
an open letter to all of the people in my life that I have walked away from:
most of you have formed and shaped the person that I once was - peers from high school, people from shows and "the scene" three years ago, (most importantly) everyone from camp brainerd. I don't have the right to call any of you my friends, because the truth is, I haven't kept in touch with a single one of you. for a long while i kept everything else at bay and tried desperately to have a personality and a life. all of you helped me to find that somewhere along the way. I have had countless heart to hearts with many of you, and if I could I would go back to that time. somewhere in my self-discovery I got lost and became completely consumed with an eating disorder. I shut every single one of you out and lost the person that I was. a part of me wants to rekindle friendships and deep conections, but I can't. I'm not who I used to be. I don't even know who I am aside from numbers and weights and calories. I regret this, but refuse to change it. I'm sorry for losing all of you, and even more sorry for losing myself. one day I hope to get back to that place where I once was, but the path is long forgotten and burried. I miss all of you and I miss myself. I still hold all of you with the highest regards despite my words and/or actions. I'm sorry.
most of you have formed and shaped the person that I once was - peers from high school, people from shows and "the scene" three years ago, (most importantly) everyone from camp brainerd. I don't have the right to call any of you my friends, because the truth is, I haven't kept in touch with a single one of you. for a long while i kept everything else at bay and tried desperately to have a personality and a life. all of you helped me to find that somewhere along the way. I have had countless heart to hearts with many of you, and if I could I would go back to that time. somewhere in my self-discovery I got lost and became completely consumed with an eating disorder. I shut every single one of you out and lost the person that I was. a part of me wants to rekindle friendships and deep conections, but I can't. I'm not who I used to be. I don't even know who I am aside from numbers and weights and calories. I regret this, but refuse to change it. I'm sorry for losing all of you, and even more sorry for losing myself. one day I hope to get back to that place where I once was, but the path is long forgotten and burried. I miss all of you and I miss myself. I still hold all of you with the highest regards despite my words and/or actions. I'm sorry.