VIII. [ location: sanctuary for all (the shoe) ] i'm walking wounded, and i'd say it to your face.

[makeshisownway]

The Shoe was where the worst of the worst were kept. At least, that was what Peter remembered from the flood of memories from Dr. Magnus. The place in the Sanctuary where they kept the Abnormals that could never be allowed to intergrad with others were kept. The ones that they could hardly let roam free in fear of hurting others. It was the first

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[location: sfa; the shoe]

[godlikesin]

"Peter," The voice that addressed him this time was different and yet similar at the same time, the pitch clearly belonging to someone who was not his brother and yet, the tone remained the same even worried edge. As the memories had detached from Nathan's consciousness, they had merged back into their rightful place in the memory of Sylar. And as the two personalities had collected and collided, the rage had been soothed. While not all together suffocated, it at least had a direction now, and he understood well enough that Peter and Claire...were not part of that direction.

Shifting slowly to his feet, Sylar took the few steps from the chair over to Peter, turning and reclining back against the wall next to him as he looked at Peter out of the corner of his eye. After a moment, Sylar exhaled slowly, trying to push the guilt that had settled on his shoulders along with the several memories that he hadn't had the benefit of before out of his mind, but the feeling lingered until he found himself unable to hold back the words that he'd refrained from expressing before. When he could still remember everything that had happened.

"You never asked, you know," Sylar said. "And I guess I just assumed you people had found some way to make him not dead. You were good at that."

[location: sfa; the shoe]

[makeshisownway]

"Yeah," Peter laughed bitterly. "I was going to ask if you killed my brother when it seemed like it was fine."

He shoved himself off the wall and walked away from Sylar. His hand ran through his hair before he pinched the bridge of his nose. Peter forced all of his thoughts and emotions down, trying to shove them for a time when Sylar wasn't there. He didn't need to go into a complete mental break down in front of him. There was a sigh as he ran his hands down his face and stopped in front of the window pane.

Now his mind was full of buzzing questions and words, and Peter wished it was blank again. Instead he crossed his arms tightly and stared out through the glass at the rest of the Shoe.

"You should of killed me, not him."

[location: sfa; the shoe]

[godlikesin]

"Logically, Peter, why should I have done that?" Sylar asked, staring at the younger man's back. He understood why Peter thought that he should. He understood better than he really wanted to. But that didn't mean it made any sense to anyone beyond Peter and people who knew how Peter thought. "You hadn't done anything to me up to that point. If anything, I had less reason to kill you than I had for anyone else in that hotel. But Nathan? You know what he did, Peter. You know how many people he put at risk, and even if I understand his reasoning now, that doesn't change how I felt about it then."

[location: sfa; the shoe]

[makeshisownway]

"Doesn't matter." He said immediately. "Nathan screwed up. We all know that. He put tons of people at risk because he wasn't thinking it all the way through. But, he was trying to fix it. Take responsibility for what he did wrong and change it." He glanced over his shoulder at Sylar. "You don't have the right to say who lives and who dies based on their screw ups. Just like I don't. Which is why you're not laying on the floor with something in the back of your head."

Peter would never say it, but he didn't want Sylar to die. Dying was too much of an easy out. Peter wanted Sylar to continue living on, with the knowledge of what he destroyed. Sylar was so good at destroying lives that maybe it would destroy him later. But, he would never say it. That was even to cruel for Peter. He was hurt and angry and needed to take it out. He didn't want to lash it out, since that was why Magnus ended up on the floor with a gash in her head. Even then, he couldn't stop asking the bitter questions that he was sure was affecting the other man.

"Guess now the only one you can take away from me is Max. Claire can't die. Mom isn't here."

[location: sfa; the shoe]

[godlikesin]

"I'm not going to take anyone away from you, Peter," Sylar said as he looked across at Peter. He couldn't blame the other man for being angry with him. It was why, after everything had developed like it had, that he hadn't bothered to tell Peter that he had killed Nathan. There had been no point to it after Nathan had arrived, either, because as far as Sylar was concerned, after that it was a moot point. But Sylar wasn't surprised that Peter was angry. He'd expected things to fall apart if the younger man ever found out what he'd done.

At least now... Now, he could honestly say that he regretted it. Because he understood. He understood that Nathan was just trying to do what he thought was necessary for the greater good, for the protection of the American public and the world. He had been wrong. And he knew that. He'd understood that. Sylar just hadn't seen it before.

"And you're right," Sylar said. "I don't have the right to say who lives and who dies. I never did. But before, I couldn't control it. Just like you can't now. And the only reason I'm not laying on the floor with something in the back of my head right now, Peter, is because your abilities are suppressed. If you had them right now, I would be up against that window while you made me pay for what I did to your brother. Because whether you wanted to or not, the ability and your anger wouldn't have given you a choice."

[location: sfa; the shoe]

[makeshisownway]

Sylar was right, and Peter knew it. The only reason why Sylar wasn't in a horrid situation at the moment was because his abilities were suppressed. Even after all of this, Peter truly didn't want to harm someone. Not like that, at least. Peter gave a low frustrated exhale before moving to the opposite side of the room, pointedly not looking at Sylar. He was resisting the very strong urge to just throw something at him.

"I didn't even know what happened at first." He started to recount the situation. "I was so angry at you when I left, then the next thing I know? I'm standing in Magnus's office and dropping her onto her face. Left her to die, just bleeding everywhere." There was a glance to make the unsaid comment of 'Just to hurt you back.' Then he turned and paced in the other direction.

"Then, I was in the hallway. Max was there, trying to find me to get me to help Magnus. Not knowing I just tried to kill her. I made her promise to stop me, if I couldn't stop myself. I knew Nathan wasn't going to. Neither was Claire." He stopped and sent another glance at Sylar. "Then the next thing I know? She's pinned up against the wall with cuts along her legs and at least a concussion to her head. And I did it. I hurt her."

Peter didn't expect Sylar to fully understand what that meant. He only told him that he was seeing Max. Not that things, at least on his side, had gone farther. It probably wouldn't even make since why he was more worried about Max surviving than Magnus. At least to someone that wasn't Peter.

[location: sfa; the shoe]

[godlikesin]

But Sylar did. He understood how much it hurt far too well because he still had the live with the memories of what he'd done and the fact that Elle was dead in their reality because he hadn't been able to control himself and instead let his emotions get the better of him.

"I know," Sylar said gently as he stepped towards Peter. "I know that it hurts, Peter. I know that you hate yourself right now, and you wish that you could take it all back. But there's no way to do that. The only thing you can do is learn how to control it. You can't let it get the best of you because when you do, people that you love end up dead," He said, taking another step forward as he sighed.

"I know what it feels like, Peter. And I know how much you doubt your ability to change what's happening to you right now. But just because you feel like if you don't smother it, it's going to consume, doesn't make that true. You're stronger than it is. And you're so much stronger than I am. You can't just give up and let this beat you. Don't make the same mistakes that I did, Peter. Please."

[location: sfa; the shoe]

[makeshisownway]

That earned a laugh. "Right. I'm stronger than you. That's what everyone says. Except, if I was? Then I'd still be able to control it even with... this going on."

Peter stepped back by a foot before continuing his awkward pause-and-pace. He was deliberately avoiding contact. It was easier when Max was on the other side of the glass. With Sylar in the room, he had to constantly keep moving. He didn't want any contact, whether it be from someone else initiating it or if it was him. There he went again, walling himself off from everyone.

"I can't fight it. Not like this, not right now." He insisted as his eyes remained glued to the floor, watching where he paced. "That's how Magnus and Max got her. And Nathan's friend Mary. And two other people that I don't even remember all that well. Because, I couldn't stop it. Every time I thought about-" He stopped in his footing and words at the same time and stood still for a moment. "-I can't right now. That's why I'm here."

[location: sfa; the shoe]

[godlikesin]

"You can. That thing in your head that is telling you that you can't right now is your fear. You're afraid that if you try to control it without anything else to restrict you you might not be able to do it and hurt someone else," Sylar said, stepping towards Peter again, taking his steps carefully to try and drive Peter towards one area of the cell.

"So instead, you've done what you can to remove the threat from the general population. And your fear and your guilt will keep you here indefinitely, Peter, until you're willing to try and control it on your own. No matter what you may think, it is possible. If I can do it, Peter, you most certainly can," He said, taking another step towards Peter with a quietly concerned gaze.

"Look at me, Peter," Sylar said, his brow furrowing for a moment before looking at him with an intent gaze. Taking another step forward, Sylar sighed. "Do you really think I would be going to this much trouble if I wasn't sure that you were capable of what I'm saying? Do you think I would be saying this if I didn't know what you're going through and know that it is possible for you to overcome it? Do you really think I would be standing here, after everything, if I wasn't completely assured of that fact?"

[location: sfa; the shoe]

[makeshisownway]

Peter took another step back and refused to look at him. He was afraid. Afraid of losing control again and hurting more people. Afraid of hurting Nathan and Clare and Max. And, afraid that they'd never forgive him. Even though Peter couldn't even forgive himself for what had happened. He knew it was his own fault, and nothing anyone else said would change it. He stopped fighting it.

Finally, Peter turned his gaze from the floor to Sylar. He held his anger back and let his expression settle into a hard one, eyes staring back at the man with just pure pain in them. He had no idea what Sylar was thinking, nor did he really think Sylar would give a damn about any of this. Not after what had happened. Peter figured that everything that had happened in Taxon was going to be irrelevant, given the new circumstances.

It seemed like he was wrong.

"I think you don't know what it's like." He answered softly. "To lose a brother."

[location: sfa; the shoe]

[godlikesin]

Personally, no. No, he didn't know what it felt like. But he still remembered the memories that he'd picked up from the time that Nathan thought Peter was dead. By proxy was not the best way for Sylar to understand what it felt like, though, so instead, he just shook his head slowly as he took another step towards Peter, keeping his eyes trained on him.

"No. No, I don't know what it's like to lose a brother. Not personally," Sylar said. "But I do know what it feels like to lose someone that you care about and not be able to do anything to change it." Stepping forward slowly, Sylar extended an arm towards him, grasping his shoulder firmly as he looked down at Peter with a heavy gaze, "But the way that things are going... I will understand what it feels like soon enough."

"I won't blame you for hating me."

[location: sfa; the shoe]

[makeshisownway]

That was a blow, something he wasn't expecting to ever hear. Sylar looked at him like a brother? His expression faded into shock, trying to grasp it all through everything else floating in his mind. God, this... this was so screwed up. Peter looked at the hand on his shoulder then up at Sylar.

Hating, though. Peter wasn't sure if he could really hate anyone. Unless being unwilling to forgive people was hate. Then, yes, he hated Sylar. Otherwise, he could still be around him and not try to get revenge. Despite his rage, Peter knew revenge never really made anything right. All that it did was harm someone else.

"I don't think I can forgive you." He finally said.

[location: sfa; the shoe]

[godlikesin]

"I haven't forgiven myself yet, Peter," Sylar said, a vague amusement in his expression as he squeezed the younger man's shoulder again. At least he hadn't been shrugged off. That was progress. "I don't expect you to for something that I really don't deserve to be forgiven for." It hurt, sure. But he knew that he'd made his bed and now he had to lie in it. Even if it meant losing one of the few people here that actually seemed to understand him.

[location: sfa; the shoe]

[makeshisownway]

"Tell me something." Peter decided to steer the conversation a little different. "We have a truce here. Back home, if you go after me... or Claire, are you going to try to here as well?"

He settled on that question. Depending on Sylar's answer would be what Peter did next. If Sylar was going to fall back on the tendencies from home, where their memories of Taxon didn't seem to affect them, then he'd fight Sylar to protect what was left of his family. If he didn't? Then Peter figured that their awkward truce could still be in play. Peter was able to hold himself back from shoving something into Sylar's head here. Was Sylar capable of the same thing?

[location: sfa; the shoe]

[godlikesin]

"None of us can control what we do back home, Peter, in relation to what we do here," Sylar said before shaking his head slowly. "But you and Claire aren't responsible for what happened. No more than Nathan would be. It would be ridiculous to go after any of you."

Any of them, perhaps, but god help Angela Petrelli, Noah Bennet, or Matt Parkman if they happened to show up. Even if he had made Matt suffer in the time that he'd been in his body, he'd do everything he could to make him miserable here as well. Angela and Noah... Well, he wouldn't be able to kill them like he wanted because that would qualify as going after Peter and Claire.

But that didn't mean he couldn't make them wish he was dead.

[location: sfa; the shoe]

[makeshisownway]

"So, that's a no." He concluded. It gave him some ease, that he wouldn't have to look over his shoulder every time that Sylar walked into the room. Though now he was starting to wonder if it was Gabriel or Sylar, or if it was a weird mix of the two again.

He let out a shaky breath before continuing. "I don't hate you, but I can't forgive you for killing Nathan." Peter raised a hand and ran it through his hair. "But, I can't blame you for what's happened back home. Mom did it. Making someone be someone else just because you can't let go... that's just as bad as killing them yourself."

Who knew where Nathan's body was. All Peter knew was that now his brother would never get the proper funeral that he deserved. That his mother should of given him. She couldn't even get over her own grief enough to give Nathan what he deserved. A new cord of anger struck in Peter, and he suddenly brushed away from Sylar and walked to the other side of the cell.

"What do I call you now?" Alright, it was a change of subject. Peter needed it before he tried punching his hand into something and breaking it.