Revisiting Old Interests Part I: Music
I'm in a heckava rut; have been for quite some time. My list of "old" interests is *painfully* long. So many things I've (regretfully) left by the wayside to pursue "grownup" things like careerbuilding, mortgages, and whatnot. Near the very top of that list is music.
I played bass guitar at one time. Not terribly well, mind you, but I didn't care. It was just too much fun, and it chewed through a *ton* of stress. But I've barely touched an instrument since I graduated from college.
Let's go back to the early-to-mid 1990s, and I was having the time of my life in school. I was fortunate enough to have a single dorm room. Sure, I had neighbors, but hey, it's college. If they can party into the night, then I figured I had the right to shake the books off their shelves during the day. My beat up old Peavey TKO 75 combo amp served both *as* an amp, and as a microwave stand. A *very loud* microwave stand. And when I later got a 5 string, well, it really shook the floor something fierce.
Even with a full schedule of classes, a full time 3rd shift job, and volunteering duties, I tried my best to put in at least and hour of playing every day. Not so much for the practice, but more for just blowing off steam.
And then graduation day came. After moving off campus into my first real apartment, the love of music seemed to die almost instantly. I had a new job, a new life, a new everything. Everything I enjoyed through college got packed away along with the books, term papers, and Ramen noodles.
Fast-forward a few years. I'm now on my second job, in a new state, and again, a new life. Did the move rekindle that lost interest? Sadly, no. I just threw myself even deeper into my career.
I took a year off from everything and started life over once again. I had cleared my plate of all other obligations and could focus on things like friendships, self-identity, spiritual growth, and finding my purpose in the universe. But the desire to pick up a guitar again just never appeared as I hoped it would.
This past March I purchased an honest-to-goodness house, and was convinced *this* would allow me the space to renew some of those lost interests. That may be true, but by now, I've grown used to the idea that I *cannot* find enjoyment in playing an instrument. Why bother? It's just too much effort for so little reward.
That's where I stand at the moment. I've been exposed to a lot of very motivated and talented musicians in the furry fandom. Every time I see a YouTube video or masquerade act of someone in fursuit playing a guitar (even if it's a Guitar Hero controller)...I just want to do that. I want to perform on stage, entertain people, and have fun.
Thing is, I'm terrified to pick up a bass anymore. And I have two of them sitting in the living room, mocking me. Even with no audience or critics around, I'll still worry myself sick about a little fretbuzz or hitting a sour note or looking doofy. Which, incidentally, equates to *massive and unrecoverable failure* to me.
I spent a good bit of time at FurFright in introspection mode, like I do every year. My biggest regret is always how I miss out on so many chances to have fun...because I was terrified to try something or talk to someone. And as much as it scares me, I absolutely have to push myself to do those things I'm afraid of.
Today after work, I'm stopping by Guitar Center and picking up an amp. And then I'm gonna go home, plug it in, and make some actual noise for the first time in over 10 years.
The choice of music? I'm thinking Thrash. I've been digging through some of my high school era music, and re-discovered Overkill. While I credit Steve Harris as being the singular guy who's kept me from completely quitting music altogether, D.D. Verni is the reason I picked up bass in the first place.
I hope it will be like old times.
E.vil N.ever D.ies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUfN6QkU4y0
Drunken Wisdom
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpXVUI32o_0
Elimination
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ClMBq4yjN4
I played bass guitar at one time. Not terribly well, mind you, but I didn't care. It was just too much fun, and it chewed through a *ton* of stress. But I've barely touched an instrument since I graduated from college.
Let's go back to the early-to-mid 1990s, and I was having the time of my life in school. I was fortunate enough to have a single dorm room. Sure, I had neighbors, but hey, it's college. If they can party into the night, then I figured I had the right to shake the books off their shelves during the day. My beat up old Peavey TKO 75 combo amp served both *as* an amp, and as a microwave stand. A *very loud* microwave stand. And when I later got a 5 string, well, it really shook the floor something fierce.
Even with a full schedule of classes, a full time 3rd shift job, and volunteering duties, I tried my best to put in at least and hour of playing every day. Not so much for the practice, but more for just blowing off steam.
And then graduation day came. After moving off campus into my first real apartment, the love of music seemed to die almost instantly. I had a new job, a new life, a new everything. Everything I enjoyed through college got packed away along with the books, term papers, and Ramen noodles.
Fast-forward a few years. I'm now on my second job, in a new state, and again, a new life. Did the move rekindle that lost interest? Sadly, no. I just threw myself even deeper into my career.
I took a year off from everything and started life over once again. I had cleared my plate of all other obligations and could focus on things like friendships, self-identity, spiritual growth, and finding my purpose in the universe. But the desire to pick up a guitar again just never appeared as I hoped it would.
This past March I purchased an honest-to-goodness house, and was convinced *this* would allow me the space to renew some of those lost interests. That may be true, but by now, I've grown used to the idea that I *cannot* find enjoyment in playing an instrument. Why bother? It's just too much effort for so little reward.
That's where I stand at the moment. I've been exposed to a lot of very motivated and talented musicians in the furry fandom. Every time I see a YouTube video or masquerade act of someone in fursuit playing a guitar (even if it's a Guitar Hero controller)...I just want to do that. I want to perform on stage, entertain people, and have fun.
Thing is, I'm terrified to pick up a bass anymore. And I have two of them sitting in the living room, mocking me. Even with no audience or critics around, I'll still worry myself sick about a little fretbuzz or hitting a sour note or looking doofy. Which, incidentally, equates to *massive and unrecoverable failure* to me.
I spent a good bit of time at FurFright in introspection mode, like I do every year. My biggest regret is always how I miss out on so many chances to have fun...because I was terrified to try something or talk to someone. And as much as it scares me, I absolutely have to push myself to do those things I'm afraid of.
Today after work, I'm stopping by Guitar Center and picking up an amp. And then I'm gonna go home, plug it in, and make some actual noise for the first time in over 10 years.
The choice of music? I'm thinking Thrash. I've been digging through some of my high school era music, and re-discovered Overkill. While I credit Steve Harris as being the singular guy who's kept me from completely quitting music altogether, D.D. Verni is the reason I picked up bass in the first place.
I hope it will be like old times.
E.vil N.ever D.ies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUfN6QkU4y0
Drunken Wisdom
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpXVUI32o_0
Elimination
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ClMBq4yjN4