Mental Meanderings.
Is it weird to be really good friends with someone I never expect to see again? To be online friends with someone who's really really great online, but who I can't ever picture having a face to face conversation with? To not be able to picture a person while you're iming them, because its been upwards of a year since you've seen him?
If I compared the friends I have online to the friends I have in person, they'd be very different groups. Four of my closest friends have either never imed me or not imed me in the past three months. The people that I talk to online, I almost rarely interact with face to face. Especially the best online people, the ones that let me have my cleverest, funniest, and most random conversations. Not too much actual human interaction going on there.
There's only one overlap, and that's you, chrissy poo. Friends in person aaaand friends online. That's super cool.
I think I'm a very different person online than in person. I might even like me better behind the comp screen. I can kind of be anyone, although the persona that comes out most often is the random, clever, wittaaay person that can think of just the right comeback often enough that I come across as intellegent. In person, I'm not like that. I splutter, and can't figure out what I'm trying to say, and can't organize my thoughts. I leap about and trip often and don't always look my best. Online, I look like whatever font I feel like using that day. I never splutter, only typo, and although I may trip (hard to manage sitting down, but if anyone can, I can) no one sees it! No one knows I'm sitting there in sweats and very thick lensed glasses. They know me, sure, but they picture me at my best, because when I'm typing, I'm always at my best.
I think its the think time. When I'm typing, I have plenty of time to think of the right thing to say. When an unwanted flirt comes my way in real life, I blush and giggle and smile and wish like hell I was anywhere but there. Online, I pause, think a bit, then defer the conversation in another direction. And because there's no tone of voice or facial expression, there's lots of control. I'm very controlled online. In person, I'm a little nuts. A lotta nuts. I may be nuts online, but its calculated randomosity, carefully pondered for maximum effect. I think much much better when I can see what I'm thinking than when its floating around in that bubbling puddle of primordial soup that is the filing cabinet of my brain.
I really wish I was a naturally organized person. I wish I was a neat freak, or at least had some system in my brain that allowed me to figure out what to do with everything and when. Most people are absolutely appalled at my messiness, but the truth is, I don't know any other way to be. I organize, but the next time I can't find something to wear in the morning, everything's tossed all over the floor and goes right back to where it was before I organized. I tuck books neatly on the shelf based on genre, but then I (duh) read the books, and who has time to categorize when you're in the middle of three books at once and then one on the side that's always being carted to the gym, and starbucks, and on busrides? I write stuff down to remember, and forget where I've written it. I file papers neatly into notebooks, they fall out. I gross myself out! And I frustrate myself! How many times to I have to tear apart my dorm room looking for something before I figure out that I should just put it in the SAME PLACE everytime? Poof! No more scrounging. But this never occurs to me at the right time. A person can't make themselves remember something. Isn't that weird? You have to remember it to remember it. There's no making yourself remember it, because in the process of reminding yourself, you've remembered it. And if you dont' remember it, you can't remember to remind yourself to remember it. Seems like a total DUH, but think about it. You either remember or you don't. No halfways, no almosts. One of the absolutes of life, and think how very few of those there actually are.
I need to get some sleep. I go psycho this time of night. Goodnight chrissy, and whoever else (doubtful) reads this.
If I compared the friends I have online to the friends I have in person, they'd be very different groups. Four of my closest friends have either never imed me or not imed me in the past three months. The people that I talk to online, I almost rarely interact with face to face. Especially the best online people, the ones that let me have my cleverest, funniest, and most random conversations. Not too much actual human interaction going on there.
There's only one overlap, and that's you, chrissy poo. Friends in person aaaand friends online. That's super cool.
I think I'm a very different person online than in person. I might even like me better behind the comp screen. I can kind of be anyone, although the persona that comes out most often is the random, clever, wittaaay person that can think of just the right comeback often enough that I come across as intellegent. In person, I'm not like that. I splutter, and can't figure out what I'm trying to say, and can't organize my thoughts. I leap about and trip often and don't always look my best. Online, I look like whatever font I feel like using that day. I never splutter, only typo, and although I may trip (hard to manage sitting down, but if anyone can, I can) no one sees it! No one knows I'm sitting there in sweats and very thick lensed glasses. They know me, sure, but they picture me at my best, because when I'm typing, I'm always at my best.
I think its the think time. When I'm typing, I have plenty of time to think of the right thing to say. When an unwanted flirt comes my way in real life, I blush and giggle and smile and wish like hell I was anywhere but there. Online, I pause, think a bit, then defer the conversation in another direction. And because there's no tone of voice or facial expression, there's lots of control. I'm very controlled online. In person, I'm a little nuts. A lotta nuts. I may be nuts online, but its calculated randomosity, carefully pondered for maximum effect. I think much much better when I can see what I'm thinking than when its floating around in that bubbling puddle of primordial soup that is the filing cabinet of my brain.
I really wish I was a naturally organized person. I wish I was a neat freak, or at least had some system in my brain that allowed me to figure out what to do with everything and when. Most people are absolutely appalled at my messiness, but the truth is, I don't know any other way to be. I organize, but the next time I can't find something to wear in the morning, everything's tossed all over the floor and goes right back to where it was before I organized. I tuck books neatly on the shelf based on genre, but then I (duh) read the books, and who has time to categorize when you're in the middle of three books at once and then one on the side that's always being carted to the gym, and starbucks, and on busrides? I write stuff down to remember, and forget where I've written it. I file papers neatly into notebooks, they fall out. I gross myself out! And I frustrate myself! How many times to I have to tear apart my dorm room looking for something before I figure out that I should just put it in the SAME PLACE everytime? Poof! No more scrounging. But this never occurs to me at the right time. A person can't make themselves remember something. Isn't that weird? You have to remember it to remember it. There's no making yourself remember it, because in the process of reminding yourself, you've remembered it. And if you dont' remember it, you can't remember to remind yourself to remember it. Seems like a total DUH, but think about it. You either remember or you don't. No halfways, no almosts. One of the absolutes of life, and think how very few of those there actually are.
I need to get some sleep. I go psycho this time of night. Goodnight chrissy, and whoever else (doubtful) reads this.