Fic commentary meme

[tawg]

Pick any passage of 500 words or fewer from any piece of fanfic I’ve ever written, and comment to this post with that selection. I will then give you the equivalent of a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it, what’s going on in the characters' heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in

Comments

[tawg]

I started writing with the ending locked in my mind, though it did change a little as I was actually typing it out - got a little longer and more detailed. Nicholas has never struck me as a character who is going to die in his sleep at a ripe old age, and I wanted to write a fic that explored the warning signs of that. The first time is Danny 'killing' Nicholas, the second time is Danny saving Nicholas' life, the third time is schmoopy porn but even there I was careful to keep the exact nature of their relationship indistinct - we know that Danny and Nicholas are OTP, but I was careful not to let their relationship fall into a neat category of 'boyfriends' in order to keep that sense of distance. This is essentially a fic about leaving with an intimate moment in the middle that tricks the reader into thinking the fake-out deaths of the first and second times are as serious as it gets.

The fourth time is filled with foreshadowing: "because everything had fallen apart once, so what the hell was he going to do when it happened again?" and "He’d finally learnt what he was allowed to grab on to" and "Nicholas certainly wasn’t letting go. Wasn’t going anywhere." With that set up in mind - Danny in the midst of mourning everything and Nicholas being an openly emotional creature, and all of the tells in the fourth part (as well as a few in the fifth, like Danny assuming they'll grow old together) - I went into the fifth time and focussed on Danny's experience of the details of the moment more than his feelings (though by viewing the scene through the lens of Danny, the details are certainly laden with emotion).

While the second, third, and fourth times are moments where Nicholas is helping Danny and holding him together, the first and fifth times are bookends of Danny essentially seeing Nicholas die. We know in the first time that Nicholas is alright (though I'm convinced that Danny was nowhere near as certain), and so the fifth part is left open. Nicholas has gone from being brought down by Danny to being brought down for Danny. It's a sign of their changed relationship, but also a reflection of the second time when Danny took a shot for Nicholas and Nick was left tying to hold Danny together. I've always viewed the explosion of the station as the one desperate lull Nicholas is allowed before he has to suit up and start 'Inspectoring' - this scene, to me, is a passing of the baton.

I wanted there to be the potential that Nicholas survives the injury without anyone actually thinking that he does, because the story has primed you to think about death and loss even in the happy moments.

[irisbleufic]

I've always viewed the explosion of the station as the one desperate lull Nicholas is allowed before he has to suit up and start 'Inspectoring' - this scene, to me, is a passing of the baton.

That's a great way of looking at it, actually! And, as an inspector, he'd be just the sort to put himself in even more of harm's way than before. That much more responsibility.

I wanted there to be the potential that Nicholas survives the injury without anyone actually thinking that he does, because the story has primed you to think about death and loss even in the happy moments.

The sensation I get from it is one of it could genuinely go either way - so much so that Nicholas is, in this case, at least to me, very much in the same pickle as Schrödinger's cat! And I'm usually very quick to decide which way I interpret an open ending, so that's an accomplishment on your part.

[tawg]

And, as an inspector, he'd be just the sort to put himself in even more of harm's way than before.
Yep, I completely agree. I think the final scene of the movie, with Nicholas patrolling Sandford rather than sitting at a desk as Frank had done supports that. I think that Nicholas would rather be out getting hurt than keeping safe and letting bad things happen.

I'm glad that there's an 'either or'-ness to the fic. A lot of the comments I got let me know that people had followed my set up and saw the ending as Nicholas dying (which I didn't mind at all - I'd done all that hard work foreshadowing), but I'm glad that the openness of the scenario also comes through.