A snippet to a book I'm working on
But who can decide what we dream, and dream I do. - Evanescence 2003
“Don't ask this of me...anything but this...” A deep voice hissed at the one who had just requested the impossible, a regal voice laced with age, with regrets. The short, slightly stooped figure of an older man, stood out, ghost-like, against the pale moonlit grasses of the moors, flinching against the desperation of the other's voice.
Shadows, intricate little webs of inky blackness, swirled around the outer edges of her vision,expanding, contracting, obscuring part of the room from her view. It didn't matter; she swore she knew this room - somehow. But how? She surveyed what she could see of her surroundings, her heart pounding double time in her chest. When had she ever been here before? And where was here? A wave of soul deep despair washed over her and she shivered, cupping her elbows with her hands.
“Hello?” Her voice rang out through the vacant emptiness, answered only by an ever-present thrumming in the back of her mind, the desperation of it nearly sending her to her knees. “Hello, is anyone here?” She called again.
She pulled her flannel nightgown closer around her frame, shivering despite the warmth of the material. Why was this all so familiar, these feelings, this room? She was quite certain she had never been here in her life. Another shudder rippled over her spine, the onslaught of hopeless emotions - which she was not entirely certain were hers - crashed over her in a wave of misery, and she turned her gaze to the window in an effort to block them out.
A wan moon hovered in the sky outside of the lone window, affording her a sliver of light in which to study the stark emptiness of the room she was in. Oh so familiar, with its barren floors, the silken wallpaper peeling from its mooring, a shelf of dusty, unused books haphazardly tipped against the wall, the single bed in the corner looking no more used than the books. Her breath caught. In the deepest part of the shadows she sensed a presence. As though someone was silently watching her, deciding her fate. With a delicate shiver she backed away from their noxious presence.
“Hello? Please answer me!” Even her voice shook with the intensity of the desolation.
“You promised me!” A second, younger baritone charged heartlessly, his voice cracking with emotion. The winds whipped through the long grasses, as though angered by the tone in which he spoke to his elder. “You promised!”
The older man bowed his head, tears coming to his eyes at the reprimand. He had promised. He had promised to help, but this...this he couldn't do. This wasn't his life to play with.
A fluttering of shadows beside the open window caught her attention and she turned towards them as if guided by unseen hands, tears rolling unnoticed down her cheeks. A cool breeze wafted over her sweaty skin and she shivered again, this time from the chill of the night air, noting that the shadows seemed to be congregating in one area, their shapeless forms ever shifting, ever changing. The desperate feelings clung to her, unwilling to allow her escape.
“Hello! Please, who's out there?!” Her voice sounded almost frantic to her ears. Come on, this is ridiculous, she thought as her feet refused to obey her mind's urging to flee.
And yet again no one answered her call. The shadows collected, whipping a frenzied gale of ice cold air through the room, and she ran a shaky hand through her hair, edging a little further from their chaotic movements, her body at least obeying this small command.
This was a dream, right? And if this was a dream there was nothing in this room that could hurt her...right? So why did she feel so much like crying? Why did she feel her heart beating, taste the misery of her surroundings, feel the texture of her freshly washed hair, as she did just before bed? She brought a hand to her face, blinking as it came away wet. Nothing was making any sense. This desolation was killing her. Was it hers? Where these dreams, and these feelings hers? Or did they truly belong to someone else, as she suspected?
“H-hello? Please, don't fear me. I...I mean no harm...” Her voice almost cracked under the onslaught of emotional torture. No, definitely not hers. But if not, then whose? “Please, I'm here to help.”
“But this...I cannot do this!” The voice of the elder came harshly, swiftly, deciding the other's fate without even a moment's consideration. The confrontation quickly coming to a standstill the moment they were uttered.
A chilly breeze whipped the tall grasses around, shaking the leaves of the solitary tree under which they had agreed to meet. The elder of the two sighed deeply, closing his eyes to gather his thoughts.
Her gaze was riveted to the corner of the room, where she had first spied the disturbance, knowing that she was meant to see what they revealed. Shadows pulling together, changing, becoming, swirling round and round. A silent desperation radiating off of each and every inky tendril. She took a hesitant step in their direction, needing to know why she was having this dream once again, why she was pulled to this bleak, abandoned location, why she was being summoned. And that is what it was - a summoning. A plea for her help.
“Who are you?” This time her voice actually cracked with from the overload of the desperate emotions. “What do you want from me? Why do you call me here?” She implored of the inky blackness.
No words met with her ears, no acknowledgment of the plea she had just voiced. Instead the shadows increased their restless activities, a deep melancholy searing through her soul, pulling her deeper into the darkness as they blotted out the sliver of moonlight, her only source of light. She closed her eyes to their efforts, trying to find the will to continue her search for answers.
“Please! I can feel her, like I have felt no other. I have felt her for a while, her presence surrounds me, calls to me...she is the only one left who might possess the power to...don't make me beg...the magic is dying...this is my last, my only chance...”
And just as abruptly as they began to move the shadows began to pull back, leaving in their wake an unknown, yet all too familiar presence. She could only just make out the outline of his form enclosed in the retreating shadows, the dark mist hovering persistently about the borders of her vision. A handsome figure to be sure, this man on the edge of her sight, broad shoulders, slender form, his stance withdrawn, edgy, solitary. A gasp escaped her lips as she beheld his physical presence, the despair pushing down in on her physically. Did these emotions come from him?
He seemed not to notice her presence, staring blankly out at the night sky, his arms wrapped over his chest, his bearing almost regal as he held his head high. Who was he? How did he call her here? She attempted to voice a question only to have it die in her throat. She struggled in vain to give sound to questions that needed to be asked, but it was as though someone had cut her vocal cords, for every time she opened her mouth nothing came out.
A tense silence surrounded the two men in the midst of their discussion, and then the first one gave a defeated sigh. “But she is the only one left to me. Think of what would happen should this fail. We both know what will become of you, but what will become of her?”
And then her eyes narrowed as she realized that she knew this person. But how? He turned bright, almost glowing blue eyes in her direction and her jaw nearly dropped with the dawning comprehension that she did indeed know this man. He had been a staple in her most recent dreams. But his form was something she could never recall upon waking, the dreams lost to the realm of sleep, unable to bear the waking world alongside her, only to be recalled once again when she was at rest and easy to summon. Only his eyes haunted her in the land of the waking.
And the look in those eyes, that she was unable to bear witness to; shame, despair, a desperate sort of hope, all of the feelings that weighed down on her shoulders since the time that she had woken to find herself in this room, all congealed into one heart-wrenching look. Oh gods above, what was she supposed to do with that look? Tears trekked down the sides of her face, as she empathized with this unknown man for whatever plight had reduced him to this existence.
“Time has run out...for both of us. I am begging you...please, do not turn me away...I do not have an afterlife to look forward to in this state. I need only borrow her for a little while, just long enough to figure out...”
Her breath caught in her throat as he stepped hesitantly toward her, finally acknowledging her presence in his world, his features coming into the semi-light of this dream world for the first time since she'd started experiencing these visions. Only one word came to her mind. Beautiful. A commanding, angular face, one that exuded authority, his expression tormented in the shadows of the twilight, large, bright blue eyes that she had thought to be glowing at first glimpse, as clear as the sky on a cloudless day, peered at her from beneath a fringe of unruly blonde hair that hung down over the side of his face, and she found herself unable to look away from this dream image. Who was he? Why did he appear in her dreams?
Who are you? She thought carefully, her words still stuck in her throat, eyes still glued to the figure before her.
Another regretful sigh; then, “Very well, I'll allow this to proceed, but on one condition.”
“Anything! Name your conditions and I shall meet them with the utmost care.”
The older man glanced up, his expression determined. “If at any time her life becomes endangered you are to send her back, regardless of her objections. I shall be sending a chaperone along with her, for her safety of course. You will treat her with the respect that she deserves. She is not another one of your doxies, and if I find that you have mistreated her you will not have to worry about an afterlife.”
Help me...
The deep, almost sensual voice came from inside of her mind, sending a shiver throughout her soul and she jumped physically, trembling as she realized just who the whispered plea had come from. But...he hadn't moved a muscle during her perusal. Not one. How had he - ?
Shock, momentary paralysis before the come back. “You cannot be serious! I would never do that to...”
At this, the older man smirked. “Ah, I see your memory is still intact. You have done exactly that, and worse, if my memory serves me correctly.”
A sharp intake of breath; then, “be that as it may, I was never guilty of what it was I was accused and punished for. I would never have done that to your family. Not then, not now. Should I take leave of my senses then you have all right to send me into the abyss. I am fine with that, but do not involve others in my dilemma. She is the only one who needs know...I do not know if I can keep them all safe, everything is in decay, ghost hunters still roam the lands looking for that big payout, and although I can keep constant watch on one solitary person I cannot be responsible for more. Someone is still trying to make a play for what's left of my soul, I can feel them getting closer with each attempt.”
The older man gasped at this news.
Please...A hesitant hand was held out in her direction, the expression on her dream visitor's face speaking bluntly of expected refusal. Her hand began to rise of its own accord, but the shocked look that crossed his face gave her pause. Fear crossed his features and his eyes shot toward the empty corner of the room. The hair on her arms stood at attention, and she too glanced in the direction where his concentration had fled.
Fssshhht!
Eyes widening with a sharp fear she lurched forward, her hand outstretched to catch the figure as he vanished abruptly into a swirling mist of shadows. Wait! Her mouth opened, but still no words came out. No...don't go, her mind screamed at the place he had been in vain. Who are you?! But it was no use, he was already gone. Again. She had long since known that this was no ordinary dream, that it was actually one of her visions. But this was the first time he had ever spoken to her. The first time he had acknowledged her presence. And the first time she had felt the presence of another hidden in the shadows.
The old man held firm. “Be that as it may, this is the only way I'll allow her to be with you while she falls under my guardianship. You cannot simply take her away for a period of time without people talking. They do talk, my friend. And she has been found wanting too many times for this to be overlooked as simple folly. I'll not allow you to besmirch her name, regardless of the circumstances. These are her people now, just as much as they were yours.”
She stood, trembling fiercely in the aftermath of his sudden disappearance, worried over the new presence. This had to mean he was close, that she would meet him soon. But her life was a mess, and she had no idea what she needed to do in order to help him. His tormented plea echoed across her thoughts. If only she could remember these dreams upon waking. How was she supposed to find him? What did he need her help with? Who else had appeared in her dreams? Why?
Silence fell again over the two men, deafening in its intensity. Finally, after some moments the one whose plea would be answered gave his reply. “So be it. I shall bow to your demands. I do not understand though; why would you endanger the lives of more people, simply for the sake of public opinion?”
Who was he?
A nod. “Wise choice m'boy. As for endangering the lives of her and those closest to us, I have more faith in you than that. You are more powerful than you know, my friend, much more powerful...”
How was she supposed to help him?
“If you say so.” Came the morose reply.
What was wrong? How would she find him?
“I do wish that the two of you could have met under other circumstances. You compliment each other perfectly.”
Why had he just vanished like that? Did this other presence take him away from her? If so, then why?
A half-hearted shrug. “It is of no consequence now, you do realize that, right? There is nothing either of us can do to change the past.”
Who was he?
“This is true, but you might yet have a future, so I would suggest you spend it wisely.”
How could she find him?
“I shall try, old friend. I truly shall.” A humble bow. “You have my eternal devotion for what you have done for me. I doubt though, that I shall ever truly be able to repay you for what you've given me today.”
Who was he? Where was he? How was she supposed to help him? Useless thoughts flying through her mind as she tried to grasp a situation beyond her comprehension. The world of dreams spun around her in an array of colors and sounds, just as chaotic as the rapid-fire questions in her head, mocking her mental plea for calm.
“Think of it as us being even, of my finally being able to undo the wrong that was done to you and yours. You owe me nothing. However you might find yourself in her debt before too long.”
Isolation, despair, torment, pain, rage, feelings that were not hers alone pressed against her from all sides even with the disappearance of their host, the questions still remaining regardless of the change of scenery. Who was he? How would she know him if she did find him? How was she supposed to help him even if she did know that much? The scream was on the edge of her lips as she tugged at her hair in frustration. She needed so much more information than what was being given, as well as the little that was remembered when she woke. How was she supposed to help him? Who was after him? Where did she fit into this?
“I look forward to that time.” A rustling of the breeze, and then only one man remained. That man stood, silently, contemplating the events of the past that had come around to make their mark on his future. On the future of his last living heir. His wizened eyes looked towards the sky, as though counting stars. What had gone down so long ago was finally coming full circle, it was time for him to pay the piper, in lieu of the one who had committed the offense, just as he promised he would. Whispering a brief prayer to his gods the man made his way back to the manor, his gait stiff, defeated.
The questions circled around her mind, melding with the feelings of complete and utter desolation, bearing down on her from all directions, refusing to let her sink back into her true dreaming state. Who was he? What was wrong with him? How was she supposed to find him? The searing image he had left imprinted on her mind concerned her greatly. How was she to know what to do even if she did find him? And she had to find him, that was for certain. She couldn't leave him like this. Not since he had braved whatever it was he was facing in order to find her. She had to help him. Somehow.
She woke with a start, bolting upright with a choked scream. Her hand immediately went to her face to feel for the evidence of tears that she knew she had shed. She could still feel the despair, the complete and utter agony as though it were a physical presence, surrounding her, suffocating her. But whatever it was she had dreamed about had already faded, leaving only these feelings of torment and suffering to mark their passing. Something was coming, she could feel it in her soul, and she was uncertain if she would escape whatever it was with her sanity, let alone her life, intact.