(no subject)
I am not sure how I am feeling tonight. She isn't here. she was going to be but then life happened. I know it's not me but I have a hard time separating it all out. I feel like a fucking child right now. I can't sleep. part of me wants to cry but I don't feel like I am entitled too. She is like a blessing and a curse right now. Do I tell her how I really feel? I don't even know how I really feel. I'm hurt. I know that. I don't doubt that we will get over it but there will be a scar. a fear, a chink in the armor. in my head that is. in my heart. I wish part of me didn't feel like I was giving up.
fuck. I wish I could just sleep right now. and wake up tomorrow and just smile.
In a perfect world, a romantic movie, you'd come over here and crawl into bed with me. but that isn't going to happen is it? Does that mean that this isn't real then, that our love is somehow not as good as it can or could be? or do I just have to great an expectation based on stupid Hollywood romance movies?
fuck
shut up ethan
fuck. I wish I could just sleep right now. and wake up tomorrow and just smile.
In a perfect world, a romantic movie, you'd come over here and crawl into bed with me. but that isn't going to happen is it? Does that mean that this isn't real then, that our love is somehow not as good as it can or could be? or do I just have to great an expectation based on stupid Hollywood romance movies?
fuck
shut up ethan