.... I loved him
It's hard to breath
I always suspected with this third and final time around with him I would be the one to end it.
I can't do this. I am chasing him. All I want is to have fun and be his friend and he doesn't have time for me.
I can't keep doing this. Old habbits die hard and this one doens't seem to ever stop.
When I tell everyone of my little secret, my blast from the past ... they always have this "why him" look on their face. Im not going to waste anyone's time in stating why I loved him.
Why we had something.
All I do know is that what ever is there is not enough to hold me.
Yes, I would have kept my job I think I would have limped along with "just enough" for a couple more months.
But now that everything in my life is shifting changing, good bad,,,, adventure,,, no money ... more GAP.. Mister O taking power. Everything I am or have stood for I am reaanylazing.
I am cleaning out my life closet of what I own.
And now that I've more time to anaylze it all I know I won't need him anymore.
I know I know .... your gonna say... he wasn't that cute teres, he treated you like shit... he was scared of you and emotions. In my defense he was my first love. I gave him me ... all of it someone of the opposite sex had complete power over me.... and I liked it... imagine that!
Most of you knew this was coming... your saying to yourself, she's a smart grrl she'll figure out a realationship with a male is not one sided. She'll come to her senses and one day realize she is worth a hell lot more.
I think today was my first light. He was ok for me to settle for, for now until I find out what I really want.
What I really want is to have a realationship with someon who wants me, who will take me as I am, let me in fully and love me. Im not asking for perfection I am asking for give and take, not just take from him.
Waves of embarssement, anger and doubt take their turns ....
Hey maybe the third time wont' take as long???? LOL
I can't do this... it is making me ill just thinking about how much of a tool I was, he thinks I am just waiting around for him to pick up the phone.
I dont' want a ring, I want to have fun!
I am not having fun chasing you around, you treat me like shit, I am not going to take it.
It's over we are done. I know you'll get lonely and try to come close again.
I can't do this. I got it we are never going to be, you will never let me in, I don't beg.
I am moving on.
I am going to give myself a goal like Candy did.... 30 days and then I'll get my nails did or something.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!!!!! I AM LOVEABLE/DATEABLE/ATTRACTIVE.
I DEMAND RESPECT OF MY TIME AND FEELINGS. IF YOU CAN'T GIVE THIS TO ME THEN IM OVER IT!
I didn't cry yet.... maybe I will later?? who knows... maybe I've cried enough over him.
Wow I've let him screw with my head three times..... I've got to get this together!
Ok well here's to day one starting now!
Grrl Power!
Teres
I always suspected with this third and final time around with him I would be the one to end it.
I can't do this. I am chasing him. All I want is to have fun and be his friend and he doesn't have time for me.
I can't keep doing this. Old habbits die hard and this one doens't seem to ever stop.
When I tell everyone of my little secret, my blast from the past ... they always have this "why him" look on their face. Im not going to waste anyone's time in stating why I loved him.
Why we had something.
All I do know is that what ever is there is not enough to hold me.
Yes, I would have kept my job I think I would have limped along with "just enough" for a couple more months.
But now that everything in my life is shifting changing, good bad,,,, adventure,,, no money ... more GAP.. Mister O taking power. Everything I am or have stood for I am reaanylazing.
I am cleaning out my life closet of what I own.
And now that I've more time to anaylze it all I know I won't need him anymore.
I know I know .... your gonna say... he wasn't that cute teres, he treated you like shit... he was scared of you and emotions. In my defense he was my first love. I gave him me ... all of it someone of the opposite sex had complete power over me.... and I liked it... imagine that!
Most of you knew this was coming... your saying to yourself, she's a smart grrl she'll figure out a realationship with a male is not one sided. She'll come to her senses and one day realize she is worth a hell lot more.
I think today was my first light. He was ok for me to settle for, for now until I find out what I really want.
What I really want is to have a realationship with someon who wants me, who will take me as I am, let me in fully and love me. Im not asking for perfection I am asking for give and take, not just take from him.
Waves of embarssement, anger and doubt take their turns ....
Hey maybe the third time wont' take as long???? LOL
I can't do this... it is making me ill just thinking about how much of a tool I was, he thinks I am just waiting around for him to pick up the phone.
I dont' want a ring, I want to have fun!
I am not having fun chasing you around, you treat me like shit, I am not going to take it.
It's over we are done. I know you'll get lonely and try to come close again.
I can't do this. I got it we are never going to be, you will never let me in, I don't beg.
I am moving on.
I am going to give myself a goal like Candy did.... 30 days and then I'll get my nails did or something.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!!!!! I AM LOVEABLE/DATEABLE/ATTRACTIVE.
I DEMAND RESPECT OF MY TIME AND FEELINGS. IF YOU CAN'T GIVE THIS TO ME THEN IM OVER IT!
I didn't cry yet.... maybe I will later?? who knows... maybe I've cried enough over him.
Wow I've let him screw with my head three times..... I've got to get this together!
Ok well here's to day one starting now!
Grrl Power!
Teres