Smoking.
I've stopped, for right now in some's minds, in my mind, forever.
I read a book for awhile and made the day May 8th. Alan Carr Easyway thing - and I made the cheesy vow to not smoke again last night after inhaling a pack, every one fully aware of how horrible it tasted, how much its rotten filth choked me, how little I actually enjoyed it, and how I was fine when I wasn't smoking, fine in a lot of ways, socially, not bored, breathing well, not spending ludicrous amounts of money, not looking cool, not trying to find a way to relieve stress that was created by cigarettes in the first place.
Today, woke up, and it's now 12 AM, some 10 hours later, haven't wanted a cigarette all day. One or twice, maybe, the thought came up - but it's so incredibly easy to quell, just a simple "Look - you're not even smoking and you're fine" and I forget about it. The program, somehow, just makes the pure concept of not wanting a cigarette because it's a horrible thing that pretty much just fucks up your life an easy way to feel. And for that reason already - I'm forced to think about other things, not about when my next cigarette is - but how things relate, how I'm viewing things, what I should work on. It's opened my eyes.
I'm surprised. But I'm not smoking.
So, maybe life isn't that hard to handle if I can stop smoking a pack, at minimum, a day. Maybe I can accomplish some other things and stop relying on addiction to media, to entertainment, to procrastination. Maybe I can change things a little for the better without being afraid of failure.
Because everyone I know smokes. Everyone. I can be strong enough to resist this failure for the last few years of my life. From stealing a cigarette once and awhile with Manda outside of her apartment at 4 in the morning to smoking cloves while playing chess at Safehouse with Elise and everyone, to going through packs of Parliaments during parties to going through packs of Spirits in bad times, to waking up and having three cigarettes just to start my day and the pack a day or more I've smoked for the last year plus.
Addiction - one after meals, even though it never made food taste better, I was just festering for one. One after waking - always the worst of the day, despite wanting it, just because it had been hours. After sex - well, okay, I'll honestly miss that - but why can't I just cuddle up without one? I can just fine. While driving. After movies. During any conversation. While on the phone. Between drumming, between recording, between listening to a song, between commercial breaks. With coffee - ruining the taste.
None of that will ever be a problem. Never be a situation where I look at my hands and ask why I'm smoking, asking myself how I could be such a stupid person to smoke something with no real value. Never have to create conversation with someone just with a cigarette, something that should only signal they're fearful of life and can't meaningfully reassert their stress without becoming addicted to something.
Either I needed to smoke the rest of my life just as I have been, or I had to quit. There's not a single downside to quitting. It was a pretty easy choice.
It is completely enthralling how different you feel about life when you aren't constantly thinking about cigarettes.
Disclaimer: Not all new agey, does not hate smokers and bring up quitting every time around one, also understanding of the fact that to let this program make someone stop smoking they need to open themselves to obvious brainwashing, although positive.
I read a book for awhile and made the day May 8th. Alan Carr Easyway thing - and I made the cheesy vow to not smoke again last night after inhaling a pack, every one fully aware of how horrible it tasted, how much its rotten filth choked me, how little I actually enjoyed it, and how I was fine when I wasn't smoking, fine in a lot of ways, socially, not bored, breathing well, not spending ludicrous amounts of money, not looking cool, not trying to find a way to relieve stress that was created by cigarettes in the first place.
Today, woke up, and it's now 12 AM, some 10 hours later, haven't wanted a cigarette all day. One or twice, maybe, the thought came up - but it's so incredibly easy to quell, just a simple "Look - you're not even smoking and you're fine" and I forget about it. The program, somehow, just makes the pure concept of not wanting a cigarette because it's a horrible thing that pretty much just fucks up your life an easy way to feel. And for that reason already - I'm forced to think about other things, not about when my next cigarette is - but how things relate, how I'm viewing things, what I should work on. It's opened my eyes.
I'm surprised. But I'm not smoking.
So, maybe life isn't that hard to handle if I can stop smoking a pack, at minimum, a day. Maybe I can accomplish some other things and stop relying on addiction to media, to entertainment, to procrastination. Maybe I can change things a little for the better without being afraid of failure.
Because everyone I know smokes. Everyone. I can be strong enough to resist this failure for the last few years of my life. From stealing a cigarette once and awhile with Manda outside of her apartment at 4 in the morning to smoking cloves while playing chess at Safehouse with Elise and everyone, to going through packs of Parliaments during parties to going through packs of Spirits in bad times, to waking up and having three cigarettes just to start my day and the pack a day or more I've smoked for the last year plus.
Addiction - one after meals, even though it never made food taste better, I was just festering for one. One after waking - always the worst of the day, despite wanting it, just because it had been hours. After sex - well, okay, I'll honestly miss that - but why can't I just cuddle up without one? I can just fine. While driving. After movies. During any conversation. While on the phone. Between drumming, between recording, between listening to a song, between commercial breaks. With coffee - ruining the taste.
None of that will ever be a problem. Never be a situation where I look at my hands and ask why I'm smoking, asking myself how I could be such a stupid person to smoke something with no real value. Never have to create conversation with someone just with a cigarette, something that should only signal they're fearful of life and can't meaningfully reassert their stress without becoming addicted to something.
Either I needed to smoke the rest of my life just as I have been, or I had to quit. There's not a single downside to quitting. It was a pretty easy choice.
It is completely enthralling how different you feel about life when you aren't constantly thinking about cigarettes.
Disclaimer: Not all new agey, does not hate smokers and bring up quitting every time around one, also understanding of the fact that to let this program make someone stop smoking they need to open themselves to obvious brainwashing, although positive.