good grief.....
We went out last night to enjoy the delights of live music. I can't remember the last time I was so excited about something. I get such a thrill from seeing good bands. It makes me feel recharged, as if the music comes up through my boots and re-energises me. It feels kind of fizzy and nice! I'm so low on energy and joy, this gig was a sort of emergency jump-lead boost!
It is so interesting people watching at gigs, especially if the music is of a particular genre that comes with a 'look'. The tribes were out last night! Like roosters and hens all preening in the yard. Hilarious.
I see now that nights out like these are a responsibility free zone only. You cannot fully 'do' them with any kind of childcare/work/driving etc responsibilities. It's a young man's game. A friend of mine was Ruby sitting and it wasn't fair to be out too late. We sat through 3 out of 4 of the support bands, with no sign of the band we'd actually gone to see. By my reckoning the Peacocks would have come on just before midnight. We left at 10.30pm. I was so disappointed I burst into tears at the bus stop. Into a tailspin. My demons told me I didn't deserve it. HA HA HA YOU FUCKING LOSER!!!! Something I wanted so much and was looking forward to so badly, I don't get to have. I can't explain why I have such severe reactions to this negative stuff. It feels like it's ripping me apart.
This morning I am feeling sort of hungover. I feel stupid for reacting so badly to it. I think I may be in tears all day. Stupid, stupid, stupid.