Whats Going On
Today was an interesting day. I spent almost the whole day with someone else, which is unusual for me. I spent the day helping my boyfriend's best friend (J) get ready to start college, getting his paperwork done and taking the college placement test. It was weird hanging out with him, alone. We actually had a lot to talk about, which surprised me. Usually I find myself struggling to make conversation with people, trying to find words to fill the space, but we talked about everything. It was really nice. I like people you can just be yourself with and be real with, good people are so few and far between.
Honestly one of the things I really liked about us hanging out today was that I knew J kinda liked me. Which is weird because I used to be really intimidated and jealous of the relationship him and my boyfriend had. He has said things good things to my bf before about me, stuff about how hard working I am and he's even seen me naked (accidentally). It feels so good to be around someone who you know looks up to you, who you know views you in this kind of wonderful light. Does that make sense? It's like you feel beautiful, you feel confident. I know I shouldn't use other people to validate me like this but I couldn't help feeling all these good feelings being around him. He asked for my advice and my opinion on things and I helped him navigate the college process. Maybe it wasn't so much that he liked me that I enjoyed, maybe it was more that he appreciated me, he let me play the "authority" role. Not like I was in charge of him or anything but that I was the authority on the college application process, and he listened to everything I had to say.
The time we spent together also inspired me to write an article for the next issue of Pulse. Josh is Black and much taller than me. Walking around together all day I couldn't help and wonder what people were thinking. I wasn't worried about what they were thinking, I was just curious to know what kind of assumptions were being made about a young white girl and a large black man walking around together. I wondered if people automatically thought we were a couple, if they judged us for being a biracial couple and even if they thought he was using me. I know this is stupid, but this is what I considered as Josh and I went from place to place together.
I took a class on multicultualism this summer. Part of the class experience was learning to become aware of our own racial biases and prejudices. Before this class I thought I never had any racial hang ups or preconceived notions about people based on race or skin color. After going through the class I realized I do, everybody does, and acknowledging and accepting these feelings must been done in order to be honest with ourselves and accept others more fully.
Honestly one of the things I really liked about us hanging out today was that I knew J kinda liked me. Which is weird because I used to be really intimidated and jealous of the relationship him and my boyfriend had. He has said things good things to my bf before about me, stuff about how hard working I am and he's even seen me naked (accidentally). It feels so good to be around someone who you know looks up to you, who you know views you in this kind of wonderful light. Does that make sense? It's like you feel beautiful, you feel confident. I know I shouldn't use other people to validate me like this but I couldn't help feeling all these good feelings being around him. He asked for my advice and my opinion on things and I helped him navigate the college process. Maybe it wasn't so much that he liked me that I enjoyed, maybe it was more that he appreciated me, he let me play the "authority" role. Not like I was in charge of him or anything but that I was the authority on the college application process, and he listened to everything I had to say.
The time we spent together also inspired me to write an article for the next issue of Pulse. Josh is Black and much taller than me. Walking around together all day I couldn't help and wonder what people were thinking. I wasn't worried about what they were thinking, I was just curious to know what kind of assumptions were being made about a young white girl and a large black man walking around together. I wondered if people automatically thought we were a couple, if they judged us for being a biracial couple and even if they thought he was using me. I know this is stupid, but this is what I considered as Josh and I went from place to place together.
I took a class on multicultualism this summer. Part of the class experience was learning to become aware of our own racial biases and prejudices. Before this class I thought I never had any racial hang ups or preconceived notions about people based on race or skin color. After going through the class I realized I do, everybody does, and acknowledging and accepting these feelings must been done in order to be honest with ourselves and accept others more fully.