Something new
Well, I'm packing for my first vacation alone.I am very nervous about getting lost there and back, but have decided to give it a shot. Was givin the keys to a free beach house, and have a week off, so I'm going to go for a few days. I have so many mixed feelings about this trip, I honestly don't know if I can have a good time there without my friends, and wonder if its just a waste of my time off. I've been back and forth about it since last friday, and have changed my mind over and over. But the keys are in my hand, and its too late to back out now, so I guess its off on a solo adventure. I really wish that Heather and Danny could go, and will make a last ditch try to get em along, but I doubt they can.
Part of me likes the idea of spending some time on the beach, just relaxing doing whatever strikes my fancy. But another part wants me to strech out as much time as I can here, before having to go back to work. I've decided to split the difference and take 3 days there and 3 days here. Its funny, usually I can trust my instincts about things...when I decided not to go, it really felt like the right decision, but earlier when he called and told me to get the keys, that also seemed like the right thing to do. But as he was giving me directions, I suddenly felt as if going was a mistake. I believe that its the getting there and back that is the cause of my trepidition, not the actual idea of a vaction. Also it may be that I am afraid of having a good time without my friends, if I start doing that, then I worry that I will drift away from them. I'll be the first to admit, that my friends are the only reason that I am still here. Without them I would've moved back home long ago. Of course now that is no longer possible, since my family farm had been sold a few years back. That just reinforced the feeling of being alone..no family no home, trapped in a stange place. So I understand why I am so clingy to my friends, I try not to interfere with there lives, but I still need them very much. Safety blanket issues aside though, I wish they could come just because its more fun. Either way, they will be with me in spirit.
Part of me likes the idea of spending some time on the beach, just relaxing doing whatever strikes my fancy. But another part wants me to strech out as much time as I can here, before having to go back to work. I've decided to split the difference and take 3 days there and 3 days here. Its funny, usually I can trust my instincts about things...when I decided not to go, it really felt like the right decision, but earlier when he called and told me to get the keys, that also seemed like the right thing to do. But as he was giving me directions, I suddenly felt as if going was a mistake. I believe that its the getting there and back that is the cause of my trepidition, not the actual idea of a vaction. Also it may be that I am afraid of having a good time without my friends, if I start doing that, then I worry that I will drift away from them. I'll be the first to admit, that my friends are the only reason that I am still here. Without them I would've moved back home long ago. Of course now that is no longer possible, since my family farm had been sold a few years back. That just reinforced the feeling of being alone..no family no home, trapped in a stange place. So I understand why I am so clingy to my friends, I try not to interfere with there lives, but I still need them very much. Safety blanket issues aside though, I wish they could come just because its more fun. Either way, they will be with me in spirit.