Writer's Block opens my thoughts

[tatredbutrfly]

Today's writer's block brought up many old memories that I had packed away. I can't say that I was a sheltered teenager, my parents argued. I never saw my parents really physically fight,but there were some heated verbal battles and often the verbal battles led to my mother telling me I was going to have to choose between my parents or her trying

Comments

[spirited_lizard]

Every time when I hear on tv that someone got hit by her husband but stayed with him, I always say to myself that if it happened to me, he would only hit me once, and even only because I wasn't expecting it or something. But it would never happen a second time. I'd rather stab him. Or send my big brother after him. ;) But seriously, I wouldn't let it happen a second time.

Of course, I haven't been in a situation like that before, so it might be wrong to say something now, but I just can't imagine that I would let it happen.

[cthulhu_shuman]

You have to keep in mind that when you see the news story, that's all you know about it. To you, the only trait the guy has is that he hit her. To her, he's a complete human being who took care of her when she was sick, who got her thoughtful presents, who listened to her when she was sad, who hit her once, who at least acts like he loves her with his whole heart. Everyone's been in at least one relationship that other people questioned, even if it's as simple as that childhood friend you have who's kind of a jerk now. And yes, hitting is on a completely different magnitude, but it's a lot of the same thought process

[tatredbutrfly]

I think in the beginning she probably really loves him and then as times goes on she becomes sick because she can't really separate things out anymore any she has become secluded from family and friends because she has hidden the abuse. She feels like all she has is him. She gave everything up for him so she must love him and he must love her. And if there are children usually that adds more complications because if they aren't abusing the kids they wife thinks they should stay for the kids sake. they are millions of excuses they make. A person that hasn't been there can never understand unless they have worked with these people and have some true empathy.

[cthulhu_shuman]

I completely agree, and isolation is a VERY important factor to recognize. It's hard to keep track of what's "normal" behavior if you don't see it anymore.

I hope I didn't say anything offensive or upsetting. Let me know if I do - I've never been in an abusive relationship personally, so I don't want to talk down or badly about something I haven't experienced.

You're very articulate about this. I think reading what you've said here could help other women recognize abuse when they can't quite explain what's wrong with their relationships.

[tatredbutrfly]

no you are haven't said anything bad at all.

[cthulhu_shuman]

Oh, and about the kid thing - often times if the guy isn't abusing the children, a court will award custody to him. Abusing the mother is a factor to consider, but it's not given much weight. Courts love to think that a guy who will beat his wife would never DREAM of touching his children. Courts will also look badly upon the character of a woman who stays with an abuser. They figure that if she can't protect herself, she won't protect her kids. So she has to consider the very real possibility that if she leaves him, she'll lose her children to him. And who knows what will happen to them then.

[tatredbutrfly]

I never would have imagined it would happened to me either. Worse still I found out a year after my daughter broke up with a long term boyfriend that he had hit and choked her. It's a proven fact that (not always),but frequently if your mother was married to someone who abused her then frequently you will fall into those kinds of relationships. My daughter was only 5 years old when her father left.The problem now is that my Daughter really has to control her anger because she will literally beat the hell out of her partner before they have the chance to touch her. I talked to her about this just the other day and we think this is due to what happened in her first relationship. It is not something she thinks about, but I told her she was going to have to try to calm down and think before she reacts.