(no subject)
A friend of mine keeps posting bad-breakup and I-hate-men memes on facebook. I wish there was some way I could tell her, subtly, that if she keeps dwelling and idealizing her ex, she'll never move on. It's driving me crazy that she's so depressed all the time over that idiot.
My other friend keeps posting baby stuff on there.
*headdesk*
Meanwhile, nobody returns my messages. Once upon a time I didn't care if the world forgot about me. Somehow, I need to figure out how to get back there. Right now I just feel forgotten and rather unwanted, to be honest. It's one thing to be the third wheel that nobody thinks to invite; it's another to be completely ignored. Unreturned messages, lack of invitations to lunch by colleagues (now don't get me wrong, our technician is a really great guy who is an invaluable resource, so of course people are going to go out of their way to befriend him). Perhaps I'm not desirable company. That hurts. I wish I knew what I was doing wrong.
I'm not sure if I'm being childish by stopping all attempts at getting together with people. It feels a bit like pouting, but asking feels a bit like begging. What I really want is an honest invitation. I want someone to acknowledge that I exist.
...I say as I skip church. In my defense, though, I have to work both days this weekend and a relaxing morning was required.
When I'm out of grad school, I hope I can find a volunteer position at like a soup kitchen or something. That will keep my mind off things and will do some real good.
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This Lent is turning out to be more complicated than anticipated.
The original plan was to cut down purchases (especially grocery) to the bare minimum and donate the money saved + some extra to programs that feed the hungry. I could use a lesson in finding entertainment in things other than new shiny ingredients, and get in touch with the large portion of humanity that has nothing.
In practice, this has turned out to mean more calorie-dense foods, requiring a decrease in volume and nutrients, and increase in calories. Well, I guess if I swapped rice for beans it wouldn't be so much of a loss, but rice is such a basic food that using it contributes to the point of this exercise.
But then there's this issue: the existence of sustainable and fair-trade goods.
Do I not buy coffee and tea and feed a few, temporarily? Or do I buy coffee and tea that's fair-trade and sustainably grown, and support in a very small way a family's income for the unknown future?
Should I buy the cheap brown rice and donate the extra, or the sustainably grown ---wait, I know the answer to this. Buy the sustainably-grown and pretend it's the brown. Then that defeats the 'return to the basics' aspect, because it feels like an indulgence.
I'm tired of thinking about this for now, lol.
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In unrelated news, can we please stop bashing the Republicans now that the election is over? The vast majority of them are just misinformed, not malicious. They really do think that forcing non-Christians to conform to Christian ideologies (no abortions, heterosexual marriage only) is for the good of everyone. I'm not sure if it's a voluntary blindness, but they certainly don't mean any harm. You liberals are being less than shining examples of the goodness you so tout. If you're so good and kind, stop fanning the flames. Seriously.
Me? I don't know what I am. I'm going to keep on with what I believe is right: that you DO NOT force others to conform to your ideals. If the choice is between destruction of a 10-day-old fetus and winding up on welfare, raising a neglected child who eventually contributes to crimes, maybe even homicides, how can you say what is right?
I am so close to believing in the Christian God again. So close. I just can't... quite... make the leap. Why not? Do I think I won't be able to change my mind later?
The arguments against Christianity seems increasingly... well, stupid. Most are based on the premise that you can't prove Christianity, and ...Occam's razor, basically.
The problem is that non-Christians are so rarely exposed to the supernatural works. The guy who was healed of deafness in one ear. The people brought back from the brink of financial destruction by a series of really unlikely events. The multiple, independent reports of native islanders who have had dreams telling them to listen to missionaries, before the missionaries arrive.
Of course, what you never hear are the stories of the Christians who DID run to financial destruction. Who lost everything. The thousands who die without ever hearing the gospel. I assume those stories exist.
There must be an explanation for those. I don't know it.
Off to work, whilst listening to "Chronologic End Times" #36-42. It's rather become my crack. If this guy's interpretations are correct, then the whole long-term charity idea might be a moot point. I think his prediction was that Iran and Russia would team up against Israel, resulting in a nuclear strike against Israel, which would somehow backfire. Maybe I should go listen to the first few again...
ANYWAY. To work.
My other friend keeps posting baby stuff on there.
*headdesk*
Meanwhile, nobody returns my messages. Once upon a time I didn't care if the world forgot about me. Somehow, I need to figure out how to get back there. Right now I just feel forgotten and rather unwanted, to be honest. It's one thing to be the third wheel that nobody thinks to invite; it's another to be completely ignored. Unreturned messages, lack of invitations to lunch by colleagues (now don't get me wrong, our technician is a really great guy who is an invaluable resource, so of course people are going to go out of their way to befriend him). Perhaps I'm not desirable company. That hurts. I wish I knew what I was doing wrong.
I'm not sure if I'm being childish by stopping all attempts at getting together with people. It feels a bit like pouting, but asking feels a bit like begging. What I really want is an honest invitation. I want someone to acknowledge that I exist.
...I say as I skip church. In my defense, though, I have to work both days this weekend and a relaxing morning was required.
When I'm out of grad school, I hope I can find a volunteer position at like a soup kitchen or something. That will keep my mind off things and will do some real good.
-------
This Lent is turning out to be more complicated than anticipated.
The original plan was to cut down purchases (especially grocery) to the bare minimum and donate the money saved + some extra to programs that feed the hungry. I could use a lesson in finding entertainment in things other than new shiny ingredients, and get in touch with the large portion of humanity that has nothing.
In practice, this has turned out to mean more calorie-dense foods, requiring a decrease in volume and nutrients, and increase in calories. Well, I guess if I swapped rice for beans it wouldn't be so much of a loss, but rice is such a basic food that using it contributes to the point of this exercise.
But then there's this issue: the existence of sustainable and fair-trade goods.
Do I not buy coffee and tea and feed a few, temporarily? Or do I buy coffee and tea that's fair-trade and sustainably grown, and support in a very small way a family's income for the unknown future?
Should I buy the cheap brown rice and donate the extra, or the sustainably grown ---wait, I know the answer to this. Buy the sustainably-grown and pretend it's the brown. Then that defeats the 'return to the basics' aspect, because it feels like an indulgence.
I'm tired of thinking about this for now, lol.
-------
In unrelated news, can we please stop bashing the Republicans now that the election is over? The vast majority of them are just misinformed, not malicious. They really do think that forcing non-Christians to conform to Christian ideologies (no abortions, heterosexual marriage only) is for the good of everyone. I'm not sure if it's a voluntary blindness, but they certainly don't mean any harm. You liberals are being less than shining examples of the goodness you so tout. If you're so good and kind, stop fanning the flames. Seriously.
Me? I don't know what I am. I'm going to keep on with what I believe is right: that you DO NOT force others to conform to your ideals. If the choice is between destruction of a 10-day-old fetus and winding up on welfare, raising a neglected child who eventually contributes to crimes, maybe even homicides, how can you say what is right?
I am so close to believing in the Christian God again. So close. I just can't... quite... make the leap. Why not? Do I think I won't be able to change my mind later?
The arguments against Christianity seems increasingly... well, stupid. Most are based on the premise that you can't prove Christianity, and ...Occam's razor, basically.
The problem is that non-Christians are so rarely exposed to the supernatural works. The guy who was healed of deafness in one ear. The people brought back from the brink of financial destruction by a series of really unlikely events. The multiple, independent reports of native islanders who have had dreams telling them to listen to missionaries, before the missionaries arrive.
Of course, what you never hear are the stories of the Christians who DID run to financial destruction. Who lost everything. The thousands who die without ever hearing the gospel. I assume those stories exist.
There must be an explanation for those. I don't know it.
Off to work, whilst listening to "Chronologic End Times" #36-42. It's rather become my crack. If this guy's interpretations are correct, then the whole long-term charity idea might be a moot point. I think his prediction was that Iran and Russia would team up against Israel, resulting in a nuclear strike against Israel, which would somehow backfire. Maybe I should go listen to the first few again...
ANYWAY. To work.