Walking with his hands --- from KAM'S zine
From Rae's/Christmas Universe
Walking with his hands
by Tat
Betaed by Vedette Ciel, Dawnebeth and Laura
Third grade had been hard when he was a student, it was even worse when he was a parent. Starsky tried really hard to find what to say to his nine-year-old daughter, who was crying miserably.
“Calm down, darling, and tell me what happened from the beginning.”
His first instinct was to beat up the wretched gymnast, who had called her useless, and the bratty children who had laughed at her.
But he didn’t know everything that had happened, and it was not going to help Rae. Not when his advice on her first day of school had been to try and get along with the other kids. What kind of example could he make for her?
Rae stopped crying momentarily and collected herself to explain. “Mr. Curtis told us to stand in line in front of the wall and to try to stand on our hands. Everybody tried; I tried three times and failed. Mr. Curtis told me that I couldn’t do it, and to stand aside and let the kids, who could, try again. And the others laughed.” Rae put her head in her hands and continued to cry, humiliated.
Starsky swore inside. Not that much of an asshole, but close enough. Rae hated to fail, in anything, and the damned kids could be really cruel.
Not that Rae was the easiest kid. She had a vicious tongue and the bad habit of repeating any bad language she had overheard from him or Hutch. Any unfortunate boy that pissed her off usually got an earful. But the fault was not entirely her own.
“Come now, sweetheart, I know that you feel bad, but it’s not the end of the world," Starsky said. "No one is perfect at everything. You failed at handstands, but you are the smartest kid in your class.”
“But my handwriting is so awful.”
“I'll tell you a secret-, so is mine.”
She looked at him for a moment with big round eyes, but then she restarted her tirade. “But you are big, you can type on the computer, and you can walk on your hands.” She started sniffling.
“Rae…” Starsky’s voice was starting to strain. He hated soapy scenes and tears, with good reason. He couldn’t handle them. “Rae, remember what did you tell me when you got that vaccine? That you wanted to try to be brave? And I certainly can’t walk on my hands.”
“It doesn’t matter. You can do something better! When old lady Wilcox was robbed, you jumped on a car, ran behind the thief, and you caught him!” Rae’s spends way much time in Molly’s company, he thought. She was looking at him with rounded eyes, full of admiration. Starsky had discovered that one of the nicer perks of being a father was also being his daughter’s hero.
He stroked her hair but she looked aside. Oh, oh, something was still wrong. “What's the matter, sweetheart? Come on, Rae, tell me, please.”
“If I can’t do that, then I could never do what you do and become a cop someday.”This is turning really serious. He looked her in the eyes. “Rae honey, while I will be proud if you ever become a cop, I will worry too much, too. And I promise you, even if you never become one, I will always love you the same, no matter what.”
“But Dad, that' is not the reason that I want to be a cop. I want it so that I can protect people from those stronger than them, those who are hitting them.”
Starsky felt his neck tightening from pride, but he had to point out the drawbacks. “Honey, if you become a cop, your duty will be to protect everyone, not merely those you like.”
“I know that, Dad, I wouldn’t mind protecting even the guys who have hit me. I am sure that even they have someone else hitting them. Wouldn’t be nice if no one hurt no one?”Damn, damn, damn. The reminder that Edward, the bastard, had been right was like a slap to Starsky’s face. Minnie’s ex-boyfriend's descriptions had been accurate. The boys at Rae’s school had tried repeatedly to beat her up. After they learned that she was staying with her mom while her father was staying with her godfather, they had ganged up on her.
It pained Starsky more than anything that his daughter had almost gotten hurt because of his choices. Not that he could ever regret those choices. He tried to find his voice for Rae’s sake. “If you want it that much, you will do it, trust me. Now go do your homework. Even cops need it."
As Rae sat at her small desk, Starsky tried once more to find the answers for their family problem. What else could they have done? Tell her to not talk about her home? That sounded even worse. The last thing he wanted was to make her a pariah, but he was going to be damned if he was going to raise his daughter as a hypocrite.
And Rae had taken her failure pretty badly if he had to judge by the alacrity with which she agreed to do her homework. Ever since the bullying had started, she had started hating with a passion being in a vulnerable position at her school.
Usually he had to persuade her to get to work for a long time. She wasn’t a bad student, but if she was left alone, she only did the lessons that she liked or would forget herself in her reading.Damn, he wished Hutch or Minnie were here. Hutch always knew what to say to her, and Minnie could console her on everything.
But Minnie had that rape case to solve. For someone whose main talent was research, Minnie could be pretty scary! Starsky almost pitied the bastard when she caught him!
At the same time, Hutch had gone to find a new car after his latest LTD died. Starsky's only hope was that he wouldn’t buy another sedan in that horrible puce color. But he had a feeling that he was not going to get his wish.
He watched while Rae did her math and later her spelling. He had to force himself to stay where he was and not try to help her by holding her hand. Even though her pained expression, as she was trying to make legible letters, was tearing his heart.
Starsky know that she was in real pain as she was writing but he also know that interfering would cause far more damage that any help. Rae could get used to his help and stop altogether trying when alone.
Finally she finished, and it was his turn to check over her spelling and the rest of her homework. She had very few errors in grammar and her adding was perfect.
Then she proceeded to repeat him everything that she had learned in her class. Rae usually told Starsky about her lessons when he picked her up from school but everything that had happened had put it out of their minds.
The trick worked every time. Rae could recall everything and even though he was never going to admit it to Hutch, his idea was the main reason for Rae’s good grades.
She put her books into her bag, and sat on the couch. Starsky took the hint. He put the "Chucky Chan", pirate movie in the VCR and got chocolate milk from the fridge for Rae and a root beer for himself.
The movie was damn funny, and Starsky found himself laughing hard. Rae oohed and ahhed at the karate moves but she was still pretty subdued.Damn it, Hutch, where are you? Are you looking for the worst cheap heap in LA? Starsky thought.
The movie was almost over when Hutch finally got home. He had finally stopped leaving the key over the door because they had to think about Rae’s safety now.
“Hi Starsk. Hi, sweetheart.”
“Hi, God-dad.” Rae was pretty immersed in her movie.
“Hi, yourself," Starsky said. "Did you find a new car, Blondie?”
“Yes, Starsk, I think that even you will like this one.”
“That will be the day, Blintz!”
Starsky couldn’t help giving his blond a proud once over. Even at forty-seven, Hutch was still the hottest blond in L.A. Because of his position as lieutenant, he had been forced to cut his longish hair, but Hutch had cheated by leaving a beard.
Starsky didn’t have reason to complain. He was still so in love that he'd even learned to find the mustache hot over the years. But Hutch's looks had never been the reason he'd fallen for his blond -, his tender heart was.
And that tender heart showed itself again after Hutch put his gun in the safety box in the highest shelf on their closet, got an orange juice for himself and sat down on Rae’s other side.
A single look was obviously enough to warn Hutch that something wasn’t as it should be. “What’s wrong, little one?” He asked tenderly.
Rae wasn’t in much of a hurry to answer. Of her two fathers, Hutch was the most demanding about her schoolwork. Starsky could never understand that insistency, as the few complaints that his partner had allowed from his childhood, were how much Hutch's father's brutal insistence on perfection had tainted his youth.
Anyway, Hutch was nothing like that psychotic bastard. He never pressed too hard, and Starsky had no reason to be concerned Rae wasn't blossoming from all their attention.
Hutch asked Rae about her day with his gentlest tone and it wasn’t very long before Rae had confessed everything.
Strangely enough, there wasn’t a single tear, but sometimes Starsky had the feeling that she played on their weaknesses. But he wasn’t completely sure that her manipulations were intentional, so he hadn’t sat her down to talk about yet.
By the time she finished her story, Hutch had a very thoughtful expression on his face. Starsky didn’t like that expression one bit.
“I don’t see why not. If I can do it why not you?” Hutch said.
“Will you teach me, God-dad?” Rae asked, so enthusiastic about it that she was almost bouncing in her seat.
It would have been adorable if Starsky wasn’t ready to spit nails with worry for his partner.
“Of course I will, sweetheart.”
“Hutch…”
“Not now, Starsk.”
Their eyes met and held. They didn’t need to speak aloud the words:
‘Hutch, you idiot, you are forty-seven, not thirty.’
‘Starsk, she needs it. I will be careful,’ placated Hutch.Damn, damn, damn. Starsky sighed, yielding to his fate. It would be easier to convince a mule to move than Hutch to step back from a promise, especially to Rae. Starsky adored his daughter, but not at the cost of his partner's health. His only hope was that Hutch didn't manage to wrench his back to the point of needing a hospital.
Hutch and Rae moved to an empty wall and started to try standing on their hands. Hutch demonstrated it once and he managed it with the first attempt. Rae was completely impressed.
She wasn’t the only one. Most of the time, Hutch was a big blond klutz, but there were other times, like now, that the Blintz was moving poetry. Starsky felt his mouth watering.
After Hutch’s demonstration, Rae tried but she was unable to put her weight to good use and didn’t manage to give enough height to her feet. Hutch advised her how to place her weight and let her try a bit more.
On the tenth time, she almost had it. Hutch held her feet up to let her feel how it was and after she sat down he demonstrated once again. This time, he not only got upside down, but also walked a few steps on his hands.
Rae squealed with admiration and applauded. She immediately started trying twice as hard. She finally managed to stand on her hands. Starsky and Hutch clapped until their hands were hurting.
But after Rae did a handstand for the second time, she tried to walk on her hands and fell down. She didn’t hurt anything but her pride, and she refused to try again in front of them.
Hutch, the blond idiot, had to persuade her to make one more attempt.
Starsky could do nothing but watch them helplessly. But he didn't have the right to interfere any more. From the beginning he had given Hutch the same rights as he had in raising his daughter.
Hutch knew how to stand on his hands and he had the right to teach her as he saw fit. Starsky had to trust him with private risk-taking, just as they did with their jobs.
He could almost tell the moment that Hutch’s back gave out. Hutch went rigid with pain and fell down like a chopped tree.
Starsky and Rae were at his side the next second. “Are you alright, babe?”
“GOD-DAD?”
“I’m all right, Starsky,” Hutch said with a grunt. It's nothing, sweetheart, just lost my balance. You keep going.”
Rae bought the explanation, but it was a different matter for Starsky.
Hutch could be a consummate actor in hiding his pain from everyone. However, he could never hide something like that from Starsky, who could always read the pain in his eyes.
Hutch waited until Rae returned to practicing her handstands. Then he started the painful process of getting to his feet, doing his damnedest to look normal.
Starsky tried to help him to the couch, but Hutch rebuffed him angrily. “Leave me alone, you idiot, you'll give me away.”
Starsky couldn’t help himself. He glared at Hutch, but mumbling something about blond ungratefulness he did what he was told.
Finally, Hutch managed to reach the couch. His expression was serene but his skin was telling a different story. He was white as sheet.
Starsky sat near him and stealthily put two pillows behind Hutch’s back for support. As he pushed the cushions into place he whispered menacingly in his partner's ear, “Hutch, you blond idiot! Why you didn’t tell her anything? It would have made her more cautious. You'll have to remind her a hundred times to be careful, now.”
Hutch looked sheepish, but also proud and defiant. “I didn’t want to put a stop to her happiness.”
“Mushbrain!” Starsky said affectionately, and that was that, the matter was closed.
They both turned their attention to Rae, who, after much more effort, had finally managed to walk with her hands. She was walking all over the house. Starsky and Hutch clapped to their heart’s content until Rae sat down completely tired.
Starsky took his revenge on Hutch by ordering pizza with everything. And he made Hutch and Rae eats it at the coffee table so that Hutch didn't have to get up from the couch, even for a moment.
Rae was anything but a fool. She put two and two together and realized that her godfather had gotten hurt.
"Oh, God-dad, I'm so, so sorry your back is hurting! I should never have asked for your help in the first place!"
Hutch hurried to reassure her. “It is not as bad as it looks. Think nothing of it, sweetie,"
The straight-way that Hutch sat as he was telling her that was enough to calm down Rae, who returned to her food. But then she lowered her eyes and looked at them under her eyelashes.
"What else happened, Rae?” asked Starsky. Sudden shyness was Rae's patented reaction when she wanted to ask something that she perceived as big.
“Dad, God-Dad, can I go to a party on Saturday?" she asked sweetly. "Mariah, my new friend, asked me. Can I go? Pretty, pretty please?”
Ah, that was it. Starsky and Hutch were very careful to check about Rae's friends' families before she got permission to go into a house. They had never allowed her to have a sleepover unless it was at Angelica’s.
“What is her full name?" Hutch asked, always thorough on details. "Where does she live? Is she in your class? I don’t remember the name Mariah.”
“Her full name is Mariah Simonetti," Rae explained. "She lives at 42nd and Broad and she is new to my class. I really, really want to go. Please...”
Starsky smiled slowly, he knew that address. He met Hutch’s eyes and they both burst out laughing. Life was really strange. Simonetti! Their old nemesis!
They turned their attention to Rae. She was pouting. Starsky couldn’t help it, he started to laugh again, and when he did, Hutch chuckled, too.
After they regained their breath, Starsky nodded. “Okay, okay you can go.”
“YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Then Starsky and Hutch had to face typhoon Rae. Starsky got the mother of all bear hugs and Hutch a barely restrained one. She really had taken lessons from Starsky's Aunt Rose!
It was eight o’clock, and it was time for Rae to go to bed. “Teeth and pajamas,” ordered Starsky.
For once, Rae obeyed instantly. Too bad she only did so when she was dead on her feet.
A few minutes later, Starsky checked on her and found her already in bed, sleeping with her stuffed zebra in her arms and her cop “Barbie” sitting on the nightstand. Silvia Hutchinson had taken her role as grandmother with aplomb.
Hutch's mom sent the weirdest gifts; not so much pricy ones as unusual ones. The Barbie had certainly been a hit and Rae might never admit it out loud but Starsky knew that if the zebra wasn’t on her bed it would be in Rae’s schoolbag. Starsky couldn’t help a relieved sign. At last, Hutch was finally doing okay with the female members of his family. He fixed Rae’s blankets and left her to her rest.
As he was closing the door, he looked around the cramped room. He had to admit that as Rae was growing up, Venice Place was getting too small for their needs. Even with two apartments, across the hall from each other, there wasn't enough room for all of them.
Years back, he, Hutch and Minnie had talked of pooling their incomes and buying a house together. But then Minnie had fallen in love, and the idea was all but forgotten. Maybe it was the time to bring it up again.
Starsky and Hutch knew that their relationship was an open secret in the department, so they weren't that worried about getting in trouble with Internal Affairs. They had made their peace with IA’s captain, Simonetti, years ago.
Starsky recalled when Hutch had stood up to the man in his hour of tragedy, after the loss of his nearly re-found twin brother, Bates.
Simonetti never forgotten that Hutch was the first to believe him that he was innocent from the charges of being part of Gunther’s organization and had been grateful. He had gone as far as giving him blood in a later operation.And now Rae is friends with Simonetti's daughter. How strange!
He heard a noise from the other apartment. Time to take care of his partner! Hutch was trying to get to the bed but his strained back was obviously making it too painful to bend. Starsky rushed to his side, scolding him.
“Hutch, why the hell didn’t you wait for me to help you?”
“I’m not an invalid, Starsk.”
“With your back right now, you could have fooled me.” Starsky got a good look at Hutch’s sweaty face and his good humor flew out of the window. “Come now put your weight on me.”
"Starsky…” Hutch almost growled his displeasure but Starsky didn’t heed the warning tone. He continued to take most of Hutch's weight against his shoulder. Hutch accepted that, at least.
Slowly, they reached their bed. Once Hutch was sitting comfortably, Starsky undressed quickly to his shorts, and started helping Hutch.
Hutch held his hands to keep him away. “Stop it, Starsky. I’m not a baby.”
“Yeah, right. It's a miracle you're not in the hospital.”
“I know, but I couldn’t bear seeing her sad.”
“I know.” Starsky went from understanding to mischievous. “I suppose there are worse symptoms for a midlife crisis.”
Hutch, of course, had the comeback ready. “It wasn’t me who repainted the car and ordered a new engine for the Tomato. Next you'll be looking for a pretty young thing.”
“Hey!” Starsky shouted angrily. He recalled the last words. His expression changed. “Nah, I already have the most beautiful blond in the world.”
Hutch smiled sappily and Starsky grinned in return. Hutch didn’t resist when Starsky helped him out of his pants. He allowed Starsky to turn him face down, and waited contently for Starsky to take his hurt away.This is true happiness, thought Starsky as he searched for the aloe lotion, to have a partner to bicker with all day and later to be able to soothe each other’s every pain. If that wasn’t perfection, he didn’t know what it was.He couldn’t resist a small kiss on the mole on Hutch’s back, and then he started to work. His massage was tender but thorough, precisely what Hutch needed get his sore back into shape. Starsky had had a lot of experience with strained muscles over the years; he and Hutch were at their best taking care of each other.
Soon Hutch began letting out small relieved sounds. Starsky lost himself in rubbing his hands over his partner's back. Being able to give that relief was his reason for living.
Sometime later, Starsky came back to himself. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but if he judged by the cramps in his hands, it could very well have been hours since he started the massage.
The reason he had snapped out of his fugue was that Hutch’s moaning had changed in quality. It sounded to him far more like pleasure than simple relief. Mortified, Starsky discovered that he himself was aroused almost to the point of no return, as he had lost himself into rubbing against Hutch’s ass. So much so, that his pre-come had dampened his shorts and Hutch’s, both.Idiot, he is not up to that tonight. With a last caress, Starsky got up to go to the bathroom to relieve himself.
Hutch’s order stopped him where he was.
“Don’t you dare stop.”
“But, Hutch, we can’t do that," Starsky reasoned. “You're hardly well enough to go to work tomorrow.”
"I didn’t mean full out sex. What we were doing before was nice enough.”
Starsky thought hard, weighing the pros and cons. He sprinted across the room and locked the inner door between the two apartments. Rae was sleeping like the dead, and they had taught her from an early age to knock before entering, but one of Starsky's most embarrassing memories was catching his parents in the act when he was small. He shuddered at the thought, his erection drooping.
He returned hurriedly to the bed and discarded his shorts. Hutch was waiting patiently for him, not moving a muscle.Lazy tonight, Blondie? Don’t worry I will take care of you. Other nights, Hutch screwed Starsky through the mattress, but tonight, it was his turn. And he was going to do it, oh-so-slowly.
Starsky took his pillow and put it under Hutch’s belly so that he could touch him at his leisure. Pulling down his partner's shorts, Starsky finally freed Hutch’s cock, but he couldn’t resist leaving the lowered shorts just under his ass…There! That perfectly framed view was more than enough to restore the firmness to his erection. Starsky squatted behind Hutch and started rubbing his cock onto Hutch's ass. Not just the crease, but the whole ass.
Hutch always said that he believed that Starsky had the hottest ass in the department, but Hutch's wasn’t any slouch, either. He was so going to enjoy this! Hutch moaned low in his throat as Starsky reached for his cock and closed his fingers around the thick organ. Nice and hard, really hard!
He bowed over Hutch, kissing and biting softly the firm back and the powerful shoulders. All the while, he balanced on one hand to keep his weight off of Hutch’s tender back. But all his good intentions were shot to hell when Hutch started humping back to him, too.
He started whispering then, about how beautiful Hutch was, how much he loved him. Dirtiest things: how his cock fitted to his hand, or his mouth, or ass. How silken Hutch’s ass felt, how it was made for Starsky's cock.
He lost it completely when Hutch answered back. Telling him how much he loved what Starsky was doing to him, how much more he wanted, and how much he wanted to do this to Starsky. But always, always that he loved him.
The grinding grew to a fevered pitch, and Starsky lost himself in a delirium of pleasure. The last thing that he heard was Hutch’s ecstatic cry.
After the sensual storm passed at last, the first thing that Starsky become aware of was that he was lying over Hutch with his cheek resting on the broad back. His left hand was still holding Hutch’s sated cock and his right was clutching Hutch’s fingers.So much for keeping his weight off Hutch! The last thought was like frozen water and Starsky flinched, rolling over to lie on his side.
Hutch, still in pleasant lassitude, opened one eye and looked at him weirdly. “What’s wrong, Starsk?”
Starsky sat up, frantic with concern. “Hutch, your back! Did I hurt you?”
Hutch smiled brilliantly. "Not at all!” He turned over onto his back easily, and opened his arms. “You took care of it before we started!”
Starsky fell on Hutch’s arms, peppering his face with kisses. “Thank God! Love you, love you.”
Hutch answered the kisses and the affirmations with the same fire. "I love you, too, Starsk.”
But they weren’t kids anymore, to make love again immediately. Finally Starsky looked at the jumbled sheet covered with their semen. Most of Hutch’s had landed on the pillow. As for his own semen, Hutch had spread it when he'd turned over, but just on the sheets and not the comforter. Easy to wash.
As he followed Hutch into the shower, Starsky couldn’t help but think: Whoever said married sex was boring didn’t know what he was talking about.
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