No such thing as 'bittersweet memories' fanfic.
After watching an indie film called Struggle on Youtube I had the sudden urge to write this. I have been given permission to the actual creator of the film and if they like it I will continue with it.
Disclaimer: All the characters mentioned in this story are not mine. I am merely borrowing the names and personalities with permission of the creator to write this. All credit goes to them and the actors who played the characters mentioned.
Chapter 1 of ?
Love the one word that I used to describe how I felt about one person. That one person had captured my heart, cradled and cared for it then without actually meaning to smashed it to pieces. I knew my life was going to be endless wondering if I would ever see him again. Those days seem so long ago and yet I can remember every last detail of him, both him and Alex….Alex, I hated him…I hated him so much. But I knew that I also loved him. When I found out that his condition was getting worse I knew it was only a matter of time. Steve knew it too. But we ignored it. We had to. But I knew it was only a matter of time. I could barley stand it when Alex had pulled that. Stevie had given him everything and what had he been given in return? But live isn’t fair. If it was fair Steve would have been two separate people but the same person at the same time and Alex would still be alive and I wouldn’t have to take his best friend his sou lmate away from him because I would already be laying the arms of my own Steve.
Steve.
He was the first guy I had ever loved. I knew right from the start that this guy was special and had a heart big enough to love someone who was a mess from the minute he started that shit. For awhile I didn’t understand why Steve cared about Alex so much. But when the light was shined on the subject the light was bright enough to make me blind to everything else but the obvious.
I often wonder what would have happened if we had boarded that bus. Would Alex have been able to keep his cool? All the way to Miami? He had gotten so far gone that he couldn’t go three days without his stuff and Cold Turkey is not the easiest way for anything. I know I’m not one to talk but at least I could keep my shit under control.
All I know is Alex is dead, Steve’s gone and my life..or whatever the hell I’m supposed to call it won’t be complete unless I see him again. I’ve tried moving on but I can’t. Not even Hayley can pull me out of this and she had been the first person to see me climb off that train; to welcome me back. Maybe I’m not supposed to be happy maybe happiness is only reserved for those who actually deserve it. As far as I know I haven’t done anything to deserve happiness…or maybe I have. I went through hell lost everything I ever wanted, had my heart broken, been betrayed and lost one of my closest friends. What the hell else am I supposed to do to deserve a little ray of sunshine in my already cold and gray world? Yet another question to add to the never ending list. But life is full of questions like that. I guess I’ll never know the answers, will I?
“Darren, are you hungry?”
Darren looked at his journal and then back towards the door. It had taken him nearly two years to finish his story about what happened and how he was putting his own thoughts about it in a black leatherbound book Hayley had given him as a welcome home present. He couldn’t believe he had remembered so much and could believe how badly he missed Steve. Glancing back up he saw Hayley leaning against the doorframe.
“Hungry?”
“Yeah, but won’t he get angry that I’m here for dinner?” Darren asked.
“I don’t care. You’re my friend and you’re staying here till you get a new place.” Hayley said with a smile. “Now come on.”
“Well if he tries to kick my ass you’re paying for the medical bills.” Darren said in a half-joking half serious tone.
“Come on Dare give him some credit. He’s been able to handle you staying with us. What more can you ask for?”
“How about him not looking at me like he thinks I’m going to jump his ass and fuck him. “ Darren snapped. “Look I’m grateful you’re letting me stay but at the rate things are going he’s going to do something and I may not be able to hold myself back. I’ve gone through enough shit already and I don’t need a dose of it from him.”
Hayley sighed. “Darren maybe you should get out of the house. You’ve been cooped up in here for days. You go back to work soon so why not go out and enjoy yourself?”
“I can’t I have to safe everything up.” Darren said looking down at his now closed journal. “I wore out my welcome the minute I stepped in the front door two weeks ago you know that.”
“Who says you have to spend any money? Since when does it cost to take a walk or go lay on the grass in the park and look at the clouds?” Hayley asked, “Besides you’ll get a new place soon. It’s not your fault that damn apartment building burnt down. I’m just grateful you weren’t home when it happened.”
The fire. All of his belonging and a majority of the money he had saved up had been destroyed. Sure he had enough money to get anew place but there were no places with a loft or an apartment available. “Will you come with me?” Darren asked with a hint of hope and pleading in his voice.
“I can’t. I’m due soon and I’ve been pretty tired.” Hayley said with an apologetic look in her eyes. “Raincheck?”
Darren rolled off the bed and reached over to pull on his sweater. “You don’t have to make excuses. If you don’t want to that’s fine. “ He slipped on his shoes and clutched his journal to his chest.
His Journal, no one ever saw what was inside and no one was ever going to see it. Well maybe one person but the chances of him showing up were about as big as the chances as Alex coming back from the dead asking for another line.
Darren was about to step out of the room when he felt Hayley’s hand on his shoulder. He stopped but didn’t turn around.
“Just come back in one piece.”
“Steep request but I’ll do the best I can.” Darren said before heading out the door.
A walk outside may have been what he needed. The sky was masking his own personal feelings, gray with a touch of sadness in the clouds. Rain was on it’s way but that didn’t stop Darren from walking. Maybe the rain could cleanse away his sadness his hurt because it seemed like nothing else would or rather could. He picked up his pace till he broke out into a full out run. His breath; coming out in fast pants and his heart rate increasing by the second.
Run away from his feelings from the hurt from the memories. Even after all these years that’s all he wanted to do. He had tried to forget them to confront them and that had given him jack shit. What else was there to do besides run? But there were only two things wrong about running, unless you have something to run to or to run for there’s no point and if it does help -if only a little- you have to stop at some point because it’s impossible to run for ever.
But that’s all Darren wanted to do now; run.
Darren kept his pace steady till without realizing it he was nearly making out with the asphalt and his jeans were now torn at the knees. His journal had slide from his hand and was stopped by a pair of sneakers. Darren watched as a pair of hands picked up his journal. His eyes followed the hands till he realized the person was about to open it. Struggling to his feet Darren ran towards the person in hopes to grab the journal and keep it from being exposed. But when he saw who was holding basically his life story in their hands he froze on the spot.
“Steve?”
“Hey Darren, long time no see.”
Disclaimer: All the characters mentioned in this story are not mine. I am merely borrowing the names and personalities with permission of the creator to write this. All credit goes to them and the actors who played the characters mentioned.
Chapter 1 of ?
Love the one word that I used to describe how I felt about one person. That one person had captured my heart, cradled and cared for it then without actually meaning to smashed it to pieces. I knew my life was going to be endless wondering if I would ever see him again. Those days seem so long ago and yet I can remember every last detail of him, both him and Alex….Alex, I hated him…I hated him so much. But I knew that I also loved him. When I found out that his condition was getting worse I knew it was only a matter of time. Steve knew it too. But we ignored it. We had to. But I knew it was only a matter of time. I could barley stand it when Alex had pulled that. Stevie had given him everything and what had he been given in return? But live isn’t fair. If it was fair Steve would have been two separate people but the same person at the same time and Alex would still be alive and I wouldn’t have to take his best friend his sou lmate away from him because I would already be laying the arms of my own Steve.
Steve.
He was the first guy I had ever loved. I knew right from the start that this guy was special and had a heart big enough to love someone who was a mess from the minute he started that shit. For awhile I didn’t understand why Steve cared about Alex so much. But when the light was shined on the subject the light was bright enough to make me blind to everything else but the obvious.
I often wonder what would have happened if we had boarded that bus. Would Alex have been able to keep his cool? All the way to Miami? He had gotten so far gone that he couldn’t go three days without his stuff and Cold Turkey is not the easiest way for anything. I know I’m not one to talk but at least I could keep my shit under control.
All I know is Alex is dead, Steve’s gone and my life..or whatever the hell I’m supposed to call it won’t be complete unless I see him again. I’ve tried moving on but I can’t. Not even Hayley can pull me out of this and she had been the first person to see me climb off that train; to welcome me back. Maybe I’m not supposed to be happy maybe happiness is only reserved for those who actually deserve it. As far as I know I haven’t done anything to deserve happiness…or maybe I have. I went through hell lost everything I ever wanted, had my heart broken, been betrayed and lost one of my closest friends. What the hell else am I supposed to do to deserve a little ray of sunshine in my already cold and gray world? Yet another question to add to the never ending list. But life is full of questions like that. I guess I’ll never know the answers, will I?
“Darren, are you hungry?”
Darren looked at his journal and then back towards the door. It had taken him nearly two years to finish his story about what happened and how he was putting his own thoughts about it in a black leatherbound book Hayley had given him as a welcome home present. He couldn’t believe he had remembered so much and could believe how badly he missed Steve. Glancing back up he saw Hayley leaning against the doorframe.
“Hungry?”
“Yeah, but won’t he get angry that I’m here for dinner?” Darren asked.
“I don’t care. You’re my friend and you’re staying here till you get a new place.” Hayley said with a smile. “Now come on.”
“Well if he tries to kick my ass you’re paying for the medical bills.” Darren said in a half-joking half serious tone.
“Come on Dare give him some credit. He’s been able to handle you staying with us. What more can you ask for?”
“How about him not looking at me like he thinks I’m going to jump his ass and fuck him. “ Darren snapped. “Look I’m grateful you’re letting me stay but at the rate things are going he’s going to do something and I may not be able to hold myself back. I’ve gone through enough shit already and I don’t need a dose of it from him.”
Hayley sighed. “Darren maybe you should get out of the house. You’ve been cooped up in here for days. You go back to work soon so why not go out and enjoy yourself?”
“I can’t I have to safe everything up.” Darren said looking down at his now closed journal. “I wore out my welcome the minute I stepped in the front door two weeks ago you know that.”
“Who says you have to spend any money? Since when does it cost to take a walk or go lay on the grass in the park and look at the clouds?” Hayley asked, “Besides you’ll get a new place soon. It’s not your fault that damn apartment building burnt down. I’m just grateful you weren’t home when it happened.”
The fire. All of his belonging and a majority of the money he had saved up had been destroyed. Sure he had enough money to get anew place but there were no places with a loft or an apartment available. “Will you come with me?” Darren asked with a hint of hope and pleading in his voice.
“I can’t. I’m due soon and I’ve been pretty tired.” Hayley said with an apologetic look in her eyes. “Raincheck?”
Darren rolled off the bed and reached over to pull on his sweater. “You don’t have to make excuses. If you don’t want to that’s fine. “ He slipped on his shoes and clutched his journal to his chest.
His Journal, no one ever saw what was inside and no one was ever going to see it. Well maybe one person but the chances of him showing up were about as big as the chances as Alex coming back from the dead asking for another line.
Darren was about to step out of the room when he felt Hayley’s hand on his shoulder. He stopped but didn’t turn around.
“Just come back in one piece.”
“Steep request but I’ll do the best I can.” Darren said before heading out the door.
A walk outside may have been what he needed. The sky was masking his own personal feelings, gray with a touch of sadness in the clouds. Rain was on it’s way but that didn’t stop Darren from walking. Maybe the rain could cleanse away his sadness his hurt because it seemed like nothing else would or rather could. He picked up his pace till he broke out into a full out run. His breath; coming out in fast pants and his heart rate increasing by the second.
Run away from his feelings from the hurt from the memories. Even after all these years that’s all he wanted to do. He had tried to forget them to confront them and that had given him jack shit. What else was there to do besides run? But there were only two things wrong about running, unless you have something to run to or to run for there’s no point and if it does help -if only a little- you have to stop at some point because it’s impossible to run for ever.
But that’s all Darren wanted to do now; run.
Darren kept his pace steady till without realizing it he was nearly making out with the asphalt and his jeans were now torn at the knees. His journal had slide from his hand and was stopped by a pair of sneakers. Darren watched as a pair of hands picked up his journal. His eyes followed the hands till he realized the person was about to open it. Struggling to his feet Darren ran towards the person in hopes to grab the journal and keep it from being exposed. But when he saw who was holding basically his life story in their hands he froze on the spot.
“Steve?”
“Hey Darren, long time no see.”