ugghhh..
So... I talked to my dad yesterday about the whole Home Health thing we looked into for my mom... The nurse that came (she seems like a sweet lady) didn't really know much about what we needed. She was a nurse, and she basically came out to evaluate mom's condition. I told my dad what she told us (and what she didn't really tell us) and now, we're wondering if it's even worth it. Having to pay a co-pay every time someone from their agency comes out is gonna get costly. And... not having a whole lot of money coming in, having to pay more money is not going to make things better. She may need this, she may not. It's hard to say. And... dad looked into Medicaid for my mom (they would pay for just about everything relating to home health care) ... but with income and "assests" (car, house, whatever) they don't qualify. It doesn't seem to matter that my parents can barely make the payments for said house and car, along with the utilities and what not. Nor does it matter that my mom can hardly do anything for herself right now. I mean, if she wants to get up out of bed, my brother and I have to help her up. She can't even push herself up off a chair to a standing position. She can barely walk 10 feet. But, apparently none of that matters. A terminal illness with such degrading and degenerating side effects isn't enough. You have to be dirt poor to get the help you need, and even then, half the time (if not more) you can't get the help you need. It's just irritating. And, I hate to say this, or even think this, but I'm wondering if we need to put her in some kind of center/home that can give her the constant care and therapy she needs to get better. I don't know if it's just me not wanting to do this or me not wanting to see my mom in such a position, but I know I don't want to deal with this anymore. I just can't. I'm so used to living my own life, doing what I want, when I want, that by giving up everything I had [work, school, friends, my life basically] to come home and be with my mom is killing me. All I do is sit at home day in and day out doing nothing but sit at my mom's beck and call. I'm not a nurse, nursemaid, or anything like that. I don't want to be one. I don't want to do this. I can't do this.
On top of this, my aunt called yesterday (mom's sister) and she can't keep her nose out of things. Yes, she's in the medical field, yes she's dealt with cancer patients, yes she may have some sway with people. But, damn it, leave us alone. She's out in San Diego, and trying to control things out here in Virginia. She called and talked to the oncologist my mom saw in San Diego and told him some of what's going on and he gave his opinion. So, now she's telling my mom what he said. And, that he's willing to take on her case again. BUT, that means going back out to San Diego. I'm sorry, but you might as well sign her death certificate now if you want her to fly out to San Diego. She's too weak. I don't think my mom would make it there, and if she did, she'd get sick, just as she has every time she's travelled since she was diagnosed. Why can't my aunt understand this? I understand it's her baby sister, and she doesn't want to let her go. This is my mother we're talking about. I don't want to lose her either, nor do I want to see her in this condition. But, I am the one who's been there since it started (besides my dad and brother). I've seen what she's gone through, what's happened to her, and everything. My aunt has only experienced a fraction of it. My mom spent two months with her, and that was when she started getting chemo and things were looking good. But, they don't seem to listen to me. I'm treated like a child by her and my grandmother when it comes to my mom's situation. It's like they don't think I have the understanding of what's going on or that I can't understand it. They even tried to tell me things the doctors have said when I was in the room with the doctors and they were out in the waiting room. So, how would they know what the doctor said??? It's so irritating. I have this feeling that if my mom dies, and she doesn't get the treatment my aunt wants her to get, my aunt and grandma are going to blame me and my dad. They're going to think we didn't do everything we could to help her. But, as I said, they're not here, they don't see what's going on, they don't have any idea what it is we're going through. But, it doesn't matter. Only their opinion matters. And, you know, my parents have been married for 26 years, my mom is her own woman. She is not under the control/sway/power of her parents or siblings anymore. That ended when she got married and had her own family. I'm not saying that we control her or anything, but it is our decision now. My father and I have medical power of attorney over my mom. And, I think that bothers my aunt and my grandmother. But, hello, we live with her ... not 3,000 miles away from her. We have to make decisions, almost on a daily basis, for what's good or not for my mom. How can you make any kind of decision like that when you're 3,000 miles away and only call on the phone every couple days or so? You're not here to see with your eyes what's going on, so why can't you leave us alone and let us do what we see is in my mother's best interest????
Sorry... don't mean to rant about that, but it's been bottled up for so long, that I can't stand it anymore, and just had to get it out. It's driving me crazy having to deal with them on top of everything with my mom and dad....
On top of this, my aunt called yesterday (mom's sister) and she can't keep her nose out of things. Yes, she's in the medical field, yes she's dealt with cancer patients, yes she may have some sway with people. But, damn it, leave us alone. She's out in San Diego, and trying to control things out here in Virginia. She called and talked to the oncologist my mom saw in San Diego and told him some of what's going on and he gave his opinion. So, now she's telling my mom what he said. And, that he's willing to take on her case again. BUT, that means going back out to San Diego. I'm sorry, but you might as well sign her death certificate now if you want her to fly out to San Diego. She's too weak. I don't think my mom would make it there, and if she did, she'd get sick, just as she has every time she's travelled since she was diagnosed. Why can't my aunt understand this? I understand it's her baby sister, and she doesn't want to let her go. This is my mother we're talking about. I don't want to lose her either, nor do I want to see her in this condition. But, I am the one who's been there since it started (besides my dad and brother). I've seen what she's gone through, what's happened to her, and everything. My aunt has only experienced a fraction of it. My mom spent two months with her, and that was when she started getting chemo and things were looking good. But, they don't seem to listen to me. I'm treated like a child by her and my grandmother when it comes to my mom's situation. It's like they don't think I have the understanding of what's going on or that I can't understand it. They even tried to tell me things the doctors have said when I was in the room with the doctors and they were out in the waiting room. So, how would they know what the doctor said??? It's so irritating. I have this feeling that if my mom dies, and she doesn't get the treatment my aunt wants her to get, my aunt and grandma are going to blame me and my dad. They're going to think we didn't do everything we could to help her. But, as I said, they're not here, they don't see what's going on, they don't have any idea what it is we're going through. But, it doesn't matter. Only their opinion matters. And, you know, my parents have been married for 26 years, my mom is her own woman. She is not under the control/sway/power of her parents or siblings anymore. That ended when she got married and had her own family. I'm not saying that we control her or anything, but it is our decision now. My father and I have medical power of attorney over my mom. And, I think that bothers my aunt and my grandmother. But, hello, we live with her ... not 3,000 miles away from her. We have to make decisions, almost on a daily basis, for what's good or not for my mom. How can you make any kind of decision like that when you're 3,000 miles away and only call on the phone every couple days or so? You're not here to see with your eyes what's going on, so why can't you leave us alone and let us do what we see is in my mother's best interest????
Sorry... don't mean to rant about that, but it's been bottled up for so long, that I can't stand it anymore, and just had to get it out. It's driving me crazy having to deal with them on top of everything with my mom and dad....