based on true events.

[tat]

sleep doesn't come naturally. sleep is the birthplace for nightmares...for me atleast. the sun is burned out when i wake up. a sky once blue, now broken and torn by my chemical imbalances. the world as i know it is dying, the life i shouldn't take for granted is eating me alive. but when youre the reason for every misfortune your life posses, you have no choice but to fight it. walking outside burns my skin with subzero temperatures, ill stay inside for just one more day. light me up a ciggarette, smoke my pain away. a feeling overcomes my body, about 3 beats to slow for a heart attack, ill come out of this soon im sure. i'll write notes to remind myself of who i am, i run out of paper. i'll tattoo my name under my skin into my wrists, so when pain overcomes me as it always does i'll remember who i am. my mind is twisted with thoughts of love, thoughts of hate, thoughts of what i lost, thoughts of what i gained. why can't i just be happy with what i have? i feel my heart once pure turn black. my pace increases, 2 beats to slow, i'm almost there. my eyes roll into the back of my head, i feel the nerves twisting. out of control i grab the knife and tourment myself one cut at a time. my heartbeat increases again, you can imagine where this is going. i bleed, i cry, my eyes return to the world. but all i see is gray, color is gone. i know this isn't what the world is supposed to look like. shooting pains overcome my body, i fall to the floor. this is what it must feel like to die. this long expected pain im feeling doesn't go away, i lay alone on my floor bleeding and vomiting. my heart slows down, the beat is now very faint, very weak, just like it's holder. i get the strength to stand, but this is only the beginning for me. my body begins to tremble, i fall to my bed, staring at the ceiling. it begins to fall, am i just going insane? the walls close in, my light dies, the room is black. the only light i see is my cell phone ringing, i grab for it to find her calling. i dont answer, im afraid of what she might say to me, becuase i take what she says seriously. my best friend for so long, not talking to her is soo hard. the phone stops ringing, silence screams through the room, im in panic, im in pain.i didn't want it to come to this, i grab my pills. 150 mg of anti-depressant, swallow, drink, sit and wait. my stomach twists. i get this feeling in my head. my windows are lit with sunlight. i realize the time, 2:45 p.m. my world is fake. this hapiness i see out my window isnt real. nothing is what it seems. my entire survival revolves around capsules and phone calls.

[this is not entirely about me]
so dont freak.
thanks.