This, that and the other thing
I had MuchMoreMusic on in the background to sorta watch this retrospective thing they did on The Cure earlier and just left it on, and now it's gone into a bit of a recent Duran Duran concert. Which is all quite weird as they were part of my life around the same time. "Save a Prayer" just came on and I love that song, even if there's still a teeny part of me that will always hurt when I hear it. It's very strongly associated with DW, my first love - the one with the beautiful green eyes that I was talking about a few weeks ago, regretting running from a potential second chance. Of course, it's harder to be regretful when hearing that song b/c it reminds me more of how I got kicked in the teeth than anything else, lol.
Things seem determined to send me tripping down memory lane lately, what with the unpacking and the music stuff. Listening to 1,039 makes me strangely nostalgic even though I wasn't listening to Green Day back then. But the feel of the music and the photos in the liner notes and knowing that they were 17 and 18 when all of that stuff was recorded is just weird, and makes me think about what I was doing then. And the most critical thing about it, I think, is that that period of time marked the last time that I was happy, before I started dating A. So it feels sort of bookendy to listen and connect to it now when I've had a rebirth in a manner of speaking.
Also? Still pisses me off that I could have been a fan all this time and wasn't b/c of fuckwad and all that shit. Maybe that's part of why 1,039 tugs at me, too, b/c I know that if I'd heard it when it came out (in its original component parts, lol) I would have loved it. But eastern Canada just ain't privy to much of the NorCal scene, and by the time Dookie came out it was too late. I couldn't connect properly to music anymore.
What's strangest of all? The things I'm running across while unpacking all this old shit don't hurt. Not the things that have to do with A, anyway. Like the Phantom of the Opera programme, from when he took me for my birthday and it was a weeknight so unbeknownst to me, he told all my teachers that I wouldn't be getting any homework done and I got quizzed in every single class by a smirking teacher about how my night was. Jeez LOL. But they're just sweet old memories now about the boy I fell in love with; they don't mean anything beyond that. I don't think I ever really knew the man that I divorced, and I don't know when the two became such different people. I guess the thing is, I don't care. It doesn't matter to me anymore.
I've been thinking about this all a lot lately b/c of what Julie is going through, too. She's in such complete denial about what's really happening and I feel like I should be extra empathetic since I know what it's like to find out your husband is fucking your female friend, but what I *really* want to do is shake her until her teeth rattle and she gets a clue and a spine. It's insanely hypocritical, seeing as I hadn't either, but I think that I've fought so hard to get past all that and begin again that I literally can't put myself in her shoes now even if I used to wear the same ones. Which is slightly disconcerting b/c normally, I'm almost too good at putting myself in other people's positions, to the point where I can see too many sides and can't choose anything. But I can't do it here. Trying doesn't even bring up *my* old issues, it just makes me fucking ANGRY.
Hmm. So not what I planned to post about. lol. So be it. :-)
Things seem determined to send me tripping down memory lane lately, what with the unpacking and the music stuff. Listening to 1,039 makes me strangely nostalgic even though I wasn't listening to Green Day back then. But the feel of the music and the photos in the liner notes and knowing that they were 17 and 18 when all of that stuff was recorded is just weird, and makes me think about what I was doing then. And the most critical thing about it, I think, is that that period of time marked the last time that I was happy, before I started dating A. So it feels sort of bookendy to listen and connect to it now when I've had a rebirth in a manner of speaking.
Also? Still pisses me off that I could have been a fan all this time and wasn't b/c of fuckwad and all that shit. Maybe that's part of why 1,039 tugs at me, too, b/c I know that if I'd heard it when it came out (in its original component parts, lol) I would have loved it. But eastern Canada just ain't privy to much of the NorCal scene, and by the time Dookie came out it was too late. I couldn't connect properly to music anymore.
What's strangest of all? The things I'm running across while unpacking all this old shit don't hurt. Not the things that have to do with A, anyway. Like the Phantom of the Opera programme, from when he took me for my birthday and it was a weeknight so unbeknownst to me, he told all my teachers that I wouldn't be getting any homework done and I got quizzed in every single class by a smirking teacher about how my night was. Jeez LOL. But they're just sweet old memories now about the boy I fell in love with; they don't mean anything beyond that. I don't think I ever really knew the man that I divorced, and I don't know when the two became such different people. I guess the thing is, I don't care. It doesn't matter to me anymore.
I've been thinking about this all a lot lately b/c of what Julie is going through, too. She's in such complete denial about what's really happening and I feel like I should be extra empathetic since I know what it's like to find out your husband is fucking your female friend, but what I *really* want to do is shake her until her teeth rattle and she gets a clue and a spine. It's insanely hypocritical, seeing as I hadn't either, but I think that I've fought so hard to get past all that and begin again that I literally can't put myself in her shoes now even if I used to wear the same ones. Which is slightly disconcerting b/c normally, I'm almost too good at putting myself in other people's positions, to the point where I can see too many sides and can't choose anything. But I can't do it here. Trying doesn't even bring up *my* old issues, it just makes me fucking ANGRY.
Hmm. So not what I planned to post about. lol. So be it. :-)