In-character answer
Okay, that was actually a pretty painless installation, woohoo! I did end up having to call tech support b/c I wasn't home when the TV portion was hooked up and I wasn't entirely sure what wires were for what and needed to go into the new router/modem. But, 'tis done, and obviously I'm online but so's the other computer and the TV, too. Yay!
Some of y'all may remember this meme that went around in the summer, where people could ask you questions about your fic or even pose questions to your fic characters. Of course, looking_spiffy and I asked each other's Saints!muse some questions. Jade also asked Saints!Billie a question in private, because the answer might be - and was - a bit spoilerish for future parts of the storyline. Enough of TAoVS has been posted now for it to be all right to put up, so here it is.
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Q: What would you have done if Lars had walked out right after fucking you through the mattress of the motel room? What do you think your feelings for him, if any, would have been?
A: Wow. Um, I don't think my actions would've been that different. I would've cleaned myself up and slept for a while, and then I still would've gone to Mike's. Because the bulk of what I learned about myself from that night and how to loosen my own need for control came from that brutal fuck, not from what came later.
I think...you know, I think it would have always felt unfinished if he'd fucked off right afterwards. Some of that would have just been because I'm, you know, a cuddler, and I've had guys split on me before and it sucks. But it would also have been because I felt the potential for something between us when we were talking in the bar. A connection, trite as it sounds, that was separate from all the electricity. He was just, you know, he was someone I could talk to and maybe that was partly due to the circumstances but it's not a regular occurrence, finding someone that I feel I can be that open with right away no matter what I've been drinking (or smoking). So I just...I dunno. I never looked him up because I heard all the news about James getting out of rehab and the band going back into the studio, and that told me that one way or another they'd worked things out; that wouldn't have changed if he'd left earlier. I would've been less likely to consider it, really. But I would have wondered, you know? There would have been a lot of "What if"'s running through my head.
I know that the moment when I fell was when he curled around me, and clearly that wouldn't have happened. I don't know if...you know, him leaving the way he did for real gave me this sense of not being enough and I think I would have felt like that still. Maybe stronger, even, because I--I don't--fuck. *skritches the back of his head, grimacing* I never bottomed before that night, not in the full sense of the word, and if Lars had just left me there, I would've felt really fucking used and pissed off, and I kinda think that I probably wouldn't have repeated the experience with anyone, no matter how fucking good it felt. *rueful smile* And I probably would've badmouthed Metallica in the press a lot more. But I would have always wondered, too.
Some of y'all may remember this meme that went around in the summer, where people could ask you questions about your fic or even pose questions to your fic characters. Of course, looking_spiffy and I asked each other's Saints!muse some questions. Jade also asked Saints!Billie a question in private, because the answer might be - and was - a bit spoilerish for future parts of the storyline. Enough of TAoVS has been posted now for it to be all right to put up, so here it is.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Q: What would you have done if Lars had walked out right after fucking you through the mattress of the motel room? What do you think your feelings for him, if any, would have been?
A: Wow. Um, I don't think my actions would've been that different. I would've cleaned myself up and slept for a while, and then I still would've gone to Mike's. Because the bulk of what I learned about myself from that night and how to loosen my own need for control came from that brutal fuck, not from what came later.
I think...you know, I think it would have always felt unfinished if he'd fucked off right afterwards. Some of that would have just been because I'm, you know, a cuddler, and I've had guys split on me before and it sucks. But it would also have been because I felt the potential for something between us when we were talking in the bar. A connection, trite as it sounds, that was separate from all the electricity. He was just, you know, he was someone I could talk to and maybe that was partly due to the circumstances but it's not a regular occurrence, finding someone that I feel I can be that open with right away no matter what I've been drinking (or smoking). So I just...I dunno. I never looked him up because I heard all the news about James getting out of rehab and the band going back into the studio, and that told me that one way or another they'd worked things out; that wouldn't have changed if he'd left earlier. I would've been less likely to consider it, really. But I would have wondered, you know? There would have been a lot of "What if"'s running through my head.
I know that the moment when I fell was when he curled around me, and clearly that wouldn't have happened. I don't know if...you know, him leaving the way he did for real gave me this sense of not being enough and I think I would have felt like that still. Maybe stronger, even, because I--I don't--fuck. *skritches the back of his head, grimacing* I never bottomed before that night, not in the full sense of the word, and if Lars had just left me there, I would've felt really fucking used and pissed off, and I kinda think that I probably wouldn't have repeated the experience with anyone, no matter how fucking good it felt. *rueful smile* And I probably would've badmouthed Metallica in the press a lot more. But I would have always wondered, too.