*wordless sounds of frustration*
Fucking hell, I've been home all of 24 hours and I want to strangle my mother. It's my last day off and all I wanted was to have a quiet day, time to myself before getting back into the work routine, and instead she's been asking me shit every five minutes, all goddamned day. And then just now, she specifically rebooted up her computer to show me a job listing she'd found. And you know what? I'll grant that it sounds interesting, and I am looking into it. I'll even grant that I wouldn't have seen it tonight because I wasn't looking at or thinking about that kind of thing tonight. For a reason. Then, after some tense-ish verbiage I thank her and leave, and she calls down for me to email her my most recent resume so she can fiddle with it. Fuck. Off. Already.
Yes, I'm looking for another position. Yes, I'll admit that my own reactions are often childish and immature when it comes to "suggestions" that she makes, and no matter how old I get, I can't conquer that kneejerk Fuck You because the woman does NOT have any idea how to HELP. She doesn't help. She steps in and takes the fuck over if you give her any leeway at all. She doesn't give suggestions, either, only orders and ultimatums. And no, I haven't talked to her about the *last* time she issued a most ridiculous ultimatum even though that was like six weeks ago now, because every time there's been some opportunity to talk to her, she's already butted in with something else that's gotten me thoroughly pissed off before I could bring it up, and I know myself well enough to know not to go into that particular conversation with a ready mouthful of attitude.
It's all very well to say that she just needs to adjust the way she deals with things, or the way she says things, or w/e, but I started beating my head against that brick wall when I was 13 and by the time I'd finished high school, I was done. There are some things that you could explain to my mother in a hundred different ways and they are simply NEVER going to sink in for her. Never. Her method of "helping," and why I get bristly and defensive and downright bitchy when she tries, is one of those exhausted topics.
I can't live by myself, as in, without roommates of some kind. I'm too vulnerable to slipping backwards into depression when I spend too much time alone. But getting NO time alone is making me crazy. And I *needed* my parents' support on several levels when I first moved here - that was kind of the entire POINT of me moving here. But with the ways that I've grown and changed, and her stubborn fucking nose continuing to stick itself into everything, I don't know that this is working anymore, or how long I can continue to put up with it. Or if I really *can* make it totally on my own, either, because that's a concern as well.
Fuck. One day...ONE DAY...all to myself to just enjoy the last of my vacation would have been really fucking nice.
Yes, I'm looking for another position. Yes, I'll admit that my own reactions are often childish and immature when it comes to "suggestions" that she makes, and no matter how old I get, I can't conquer that kneejerk Fuck You because the woman does NOT have any idea how to HELP. She doesn't help. She steps in and takes the fuck over if you give her any leeway at all. She doesn't give suggestions, either, only orders and ultimatums. And no, I haven't talked to her about the *last* time she issued a most ridiculous ultimatum even though that was like six weeks ago now, because every time there's been some opportunity to talk to her, she's already butted in with something else that's gotten me thoroughly pissed off before I could bring it up, and I know myself well enough to know not to go into that particular conversation with a ready mouthful of attitude.
It's all very well to say that she just needs to adjust the way she deals with things, or the way she says things, or w/e, but I started beating my head against that brick wall when I was 13 and by the time I'd finished high school, I was done. There are some things that you could explain to my mother in a hundred different ways and they are simply NEVER going to sink in for her. Never. Her method of "helping," and why I get bristly and defensive and downright bitchy when she tries, is one of those exhausted topics.
I can't live by myself, as in, without roommates of some kind. I'm too vulnerable to slipping backwards into depression when I spend too much time alone. But getting NO time alone is making me crazy. And I *needed* my parents' support on several levels when I first moved here - that was kind of the entire POINT of me moving here. But with the ways that I've grown and changed, and her stubborn fucking nose continuing to stick itself into everything, I don't know that this is working anymore, or how long I can continue to put up with it. Or if I really *can* make it totally on my own, either, because that's a concern as well.
Fuck. One day...ONE DAY...all to myself to just enjoy the last of my vacation would have been really fucking nice.