Droefenis: Yabu Kota's Love Letter
A love letter from Yabu to Inoo after Takaino's public proposal. Angst stuff. This is for juju905rote
Hey, angel...
Would you mind to tell me something?
Would you mind to say the truth?
About---
Whom do you love right now?
Still me?
Or him?
---
Hey, what are you doing right now? Are you doing fine? Are you okay? Do you still eat grape pudding after we practiced? Do you still watch for your favorite detective drama? Do you still... the same?
Oh. Why should I ask for the questions that actually I could answer by myself?
Of course. You’re doing fine. You’re okay. And everytime we finished practicing I always steal a glance toward you and adore the way you eat your favorite snack cheerfully. I even heard sometimes you rant about the latest episode of that detective drama. Yes, you’re still the same.
You’re still Inoo Kei who I love.
You still have those pretty smiles on your face.
You still have those random but cute side on yourself.
But...
Your smile isn’t for me anymore.
And the one who always help you whenever you’re being clumsy, is not me anymore.
---
Hey, Kei...
Do you remember the last spring? We had sakura view and you said it’s so girly. But hey, there’s nothing wrong with that right? Why don’t we just sometimes behave like a real couple since we were real? And forget about work, about what makes us hid this relationship for a while? It’s okay, you were worrying too much. Even if you said it’s boring, but for me, I’d never be bored whenever you stayed by my side.
Do you remember the last summer? We celebrated your birthday together, with members, and just two of us. Your wish was “I want to have the right guy for my life”, and then you see me, as if pleading so I won’t leave you in the future. As if you’d already found for “the right guy” and it was me. Believe me, I was so happy.
Do you remember last autumn, too? You love autumn, right? I still remember we had trip to hot springs together. And you asked me to go here and there to eat autumn-foods. I gave up after we visited the fifth shop and you whined like a baby. I wanted to protest, but seeing your pouty lips just led me did the otherwise. I kissed you, on the lips. And that’s how your pouty lips turned slowly into a shy smile and a whack on my arm. I know, you were happy, just like me.
Do you remember winter? You were so lazy to go outside ‘cause it was cold. You curled under blanket and hugged me for all night long. Spilled an excuse that you want to stay warm. I pretended to act casual about that. But lemme confess here. Actually after you went to dreamland that night, I kissed your forehead. Maybe it was a simple thing. But even if I’d already kissed you so many times on the lips, a kiss on forehead stands at different level. And I was just too shy to do it when you’re awake.
Well, I am stupid. I know. And you’re the reasons of any illogical actions I did.
I mean, I am not gay. But for you, I could change myself into another person. Even it was the basic issue of myself. And for whole the time I’d never thought that we’re different from others. We love each other just how they love their lovers normally. Nothing wrong. No one did mistakes. Because with you everything feels so right.
But, Kei...
Do you have any ideas how pathetic I am when you spent your new spring with him? By taking a drive everywhere and challenged to take snapshoots of different sakura-view areas? You said it was boring when you’re with me. But I never forget how you blabbered your excitement because he took you to different places. Yeah, after all, both of you love natures so much.
And I got to have my broken-hearted phase again when I knew you went to beach with him on summer. You have diving and spent whole day together. I remembered that you wanted to dive so badly, tried to use your license in a proper way but I never take you there. And he did. That time, I feel like I am the dumbest of stupidest persons in the world. Why wouldn’t I? I always believe that I am smarter than him but feel so lame when it was about you.
On the autumn, I saw both of you on the street accidentally. You ate red bun pan and he did the same. I’d remember the last autumn we’re together. I took you to many shops, and ended it with a dinner on fancy restaurant. I hoped you’ll be happy. And yes, you were happy. But he just need to treat you for cheap snacks and eat them on bench together. Yet your expression such told me that you’re currently eating for the most delicious dish ever served.
Winter. I hope for chocolates on Valentine’s Day. And yeah-I am sooooo happy when you suddenly appeared and gave me a white box with chocolate in it. But what makes me scared for the next seconds wasn’t because it’s such a fail, or it wasn’t sweet, not even any of them. It was just because I realized you gave other members the same chocos as mine, too. I want you to treat me special. I want you to treat me different. But the special one is him. As you gave the bigger size with red paper bag. And he-kissed you.
He kissed the one which should be my only property.
I wanted to punch him. I wanted to make him disappear soon.
But on second thought, I was snapped by a reality that you were not mine any longer.
And thus I hold back my breathing pace.
Trying to act as natural as humanly possible.
But of course, I am not strong enough to pretend that I am okay when you hugged him back.
Congratulation.
You screwed me up.
But I wonder-
How it was possible for me to not hating you.
Otherwise,
I still love you.
I love you, a ton.
And as much as I hate you for ignoring me, as much as I hate him for taking you, I hate myself more for making you hate me.
---
Kei, truthfully, I want you to come back. I need you to stay on my simple life. I need you like a heart needs beats. So by it my life couldn’t be more perfect.
I was wondering that actually I still have chances. It’s just up to me if I have guts to do it or not. And as much as I need you in my system, I know I should make a move.
I decided.
But it wasn’t as easy as I expected.
Hey, Kei...
Do you have any ideas how to pretend smiling in front of our fans? Do you have any ideas how I feel so empty despite they cheered up for my names and waving my uchiwas? No, Kei. They wouldn’t know how I feel. I am just a great actor. I won’t let anybody knows that deep inside, I force myself to curve for no-eyes smile they adore.
It was hurt.
Have you ever feel like smiling and crying at all once?
That’s how I feel.
Stop torturing me.
Stop hurting me.
I’ll do anything to start it once again so just please-stop being so clingy with him.
Stop smiling.
Cause it was just for me.
Stop flirting.
You should say those lines only for me.
Hey....
I want to tell you now...
Do you remember when we first met on elevator?
They called it as “Elevator Destiny”
It sounds like a romance movie stuff, right? And maybe we really have destiny. Please understand that simple thing. You meant to me and otherwise. You supposed to look at me only. Not him. Not anyone else.
Takaki Yuya.
A gentleman. A good guy. A kind guy. An understanding guy.
I know he’s almost literally perfect.
But no matter what-
You’re my fate-so you just so need to come bac-
“Unmei no hito wa Yuuya desu~”
And with that, you laughed freely, you smiled beautifully.
And by split seconds eye-contacts between you and him
I finally realized...
That you choose your new fate to be with him.
Hey, angel...
Would you mind to tell me something?
Would you mind to say the truth?
About---
Whom do you love right now?
Still me?
Or him?
---
Hey, what are you doing right now? Are you doing fine? Are you okay? Do you still eat grape pudding after we practiced? Do you still watch for your favorite detective drama? Do you still... the same?
Oh. Why should I ask for the questions that actually I could answer by myself?
Of course. You’re doing fine. You’re okay. And everytime we finished practicing I always steal a glance toward you and adore the way you eat your favorite snack cheerfully. I even heard sometimes you rant about the latest episode of that detective drama. Yes, you’re still the same.
You’re still Inoo Kei who I love.
You still have those pretty smiles on your face.
You still have those random but cute side on yourself.
But...
Your smile isn’t for me anymore.
And the one who always help you whenever you’re being clumsy, is not me anymore.
---
Hey, Kei...
Do you remember the last spring? We had sakura view and you said it’s so girly. But hey, there’s nothing wrong with that right? Why don’t we just sometimes behave like a real couple since we were real? And forget about work, about what makes us hid this relationship for a while? It’s okay, you were worrying too much. Even if you said it’s boring, but for me, I’d never be bored whenever you stayed by my side.
Do you remember the last summer? We celebrated your birthday together, with members, and just two of us. Your wish was “I want to have the right guy for my life”, and then you see me, as if pleading so I won’t leave you in the future. As if you’d already found for “the right guy” and it was me. Believe me, I was so happy.
Do you remember last autumn, too? You love autumn, right? I still remember we had trip to hot springs together. And you asked me to go here and there to eat autumn-foods. I gave up after we visited the fifth shop and you whined like a baby. I wanted to protest, but seeing your pouty lips just led me did the otherwise. I kissed you, on the lips. And that’s how your pouty lips turned slowly into a shy smile and a whack on my arm. I know, you were happy, just like me.
Do you remember winter? You were so lazy to go outside ‘cause it was cold. You curled under blanket and hugged me for all night long. Spilled an excuse that you want to stay warm. I pretended to act casual about that. But lemme confess here. Actually after you went to dreamland that night, I kissed your forehead. Maybe it was a simple thing. But even if I’d already kissed you so many times on the lips, a kiss on forehead stands at different level. And I was just too shy to do it when you’re awake.
Well, I am stupid. I know. And you’re the reasons of any illogical actions I did.
I mean, I am not gay. But for you, I could change myself into another person. Even it was the basic issue of myself. And for whole the time I’d never thought that we’re different from others. We love each other just how they love their lovers normally. Nothing wrong. No one did mistakes. Because with you everything feels so right.
But, Kei...
Do you have any ideas how pathetic I am when you spent your new spring with him? By taking a drive everywhere and challenged to take snapshoots of different sakura-view areas? You said it was boring when you’re with me. But I never forget how you blabbered your excitement because he took you to different places. Yeah, after all, both of you love natures so much.
And I got to have my broken-hearted phase again when I knew you went to beach with him on summer. You have diving and spent whole day together. I remembered that you wanted to dive so badly, tried to use your license in a proper way but I never take you there. And he did. That time, I feel like I am the dumbest of stupidest persons in the world. Why wouldn’t I? I always believe that I am smarter than him but feel so lame when it was about you.
On the autumn, I saw both of you on the street accidentally. You ate red bun pan and he did the same. I’d remember the last autumn we’re together. I took you to many shops, and ended it with a dinner on fancy restaurant. I hoped you’ll be happy. And yes, you were happy. But he just need to treat you for cheap snacks and eat them on bench together. Yet your expression such told me that you’re currently eating for the most delicious dish ever served.
Winter. I hope for chocolates on Valentine’s Day. And yeah-I am sooooo happy when you suddenly appeared and gave me a white box with chocolate in it. But what makes me scared for the next seconds wasn’t because it’s such a fail, or it wasn’t sweet, not even any of them. It was just because I realized you gave other members the same chocos as mine, too. I want you to treat me special. I want you to treat me different. But the special one is him. As you gave the bigger size with red paper bag. And he-kissed you.
He kissed the one which should be my only property.
I wanted to punch him. I wanted to make him disappear soon.
But on second thought, I was snapped by a reality that you were not mine any longer.
And thus I hold back my breathing pace.
Trying to act as natural as humanly possible.
But of course, I am not strong enough to pretend that I am okay when you hugged him back.
Congratulation.
You screwed me up.
But I wonder-
How it was possible for me to not hating you.
Otherwise,
I still love you.
I love you, a ton.
And as much as I hate you for ignoring me, as much as I hate him for taking you, I hate myself more for making you hate me.
---
Kei, truthfully, I want you to come back. I need you to stay on my simple life. I need you like a heart needs beats. So by it my life couldn’t be more perfect.
I was wondering that actually I still have chances. It’s just up to me if I have guts to do it or not. And as much as I need you in my system, I know I should make a move.
I decided.
But it wasn’t as easy as I expected.
Hey, Kei...
Do you have any ideas how to pretend smiling in front of our fans? Do you have any ideas how I feel so empty despite they cheered up for my names and waving my uchiwas? No, Kei. They wouldn’t know how I feel. I am just a great actor. I won’t let anybody knows that deep inside, I force myself to curve for no-eyes smile they adore.
It was hurt.
Have you ever feel like smiling and crying at all once?
That’s how I feel.
Stop torturing me.
Stop hurting me.
I’ll do anything to start it once again so just please-stop being so clingy with him.
Stop smiling.
Cause it was just for me.
Stop flirting.
You should say those lines only for me.
Hey....
I want to tell you now...
Do you remember when we first met on elevator?
They called it as “Elevator Destiny”
It sounds like a romance movie stuff, right? And maybe we really have destiny. Please understand that simple thing. You meant to me and otherwise. You supposed to look at me only. Not him. Not anyone else.
Takaki Yuya.
A gentleman. A good guy. A kind guy. An understanding guy.
I know he’s almost literally perfect.
But no matter what-
You’re my fate-so you just so need to come bac-
“Unmei no hito wa Yuuya desu~”
And with that, you laughed freely, you smiled beautifully.
And by split seconds eye-contacts between you and him
I finally realized...
That you choose your new fate to be with him.