Almost Is Never Enough
Title: Almost Is Never Enough
Pairing: Takaki Yuuya x Inoo Kei (TakaNoo)
Type: Oneshot
Genre: Romance, slight angst, fluff (?)
Disclaimer: Seriously Takaki and Inoo are loved
Summary: I have nothing. I have only voice. You have everything. Except lack of hearing. So, how we supposed to be together?
Warning: My English is bad.
Requester: newsinmyweetbix (Akanechan, how's? Sorry if it's not like what you expected. LOL. You are my fellow takanoo shipper after all. :P)
A/N: I haven’t decided the fix title for this one. So that’s why when my best friends sang this song from Ariana Grande yesterday, somehow I love it and use it as the title. Thank you homies <3
Takaki Yuuya
Say yeah
Saa
Kizu tsuita kokoro wo kimi wa ima demo hikizutta mama
Itsumo onaji sono kabe no mae de tachidomatte shimau ne
Fukai sono kizuguchi fusagu koto ga dekiru nowa kitto
Boku igai no dare nimo dekinai maji aishiteru kara
People flooded in front of my very eyes. Stand perfectly, sometimes bounce, wave their light-sticks and screamed for my name. Oh well, maybe it’s not just me. It could be Yabu on drums, Hikaru on bass, or Keito in guitar. But come to think of it. I am the vocalist. And I just try not to be hypocrite. Fifty percents of these clueless girls currently adore me. Wait. On the third row of festival arena I could see a fanart of my face. What does it say? Matte…hum…it says ‘Yuuya…ple…ase…mar…ry…me’, ‘Yuuya please marry me’?!!! Oh shit! Motherfucker. What did her thinking about?
Motto chikazuite kimi no honto no namida misete
Hosoi sono yubi ni karamitai
Motto chikazukeba boku no omoi ga mieru hazu sa
Kumo no ito shikaketa kara
It’s not the first time tho. Since when it happened actually? Did yesterday I just sing on my private closet? Or I just sing on my usual café? Then I got payment which I bet it’s not that pitiful either. Well, at least if it’s 2010 then I feel the payment gave me so much luxury. Wait. Yeah, I mean…not yesterday in literally. It’s been a year passed. And now I got into an agency which formed a band named ‘J-Room’ while my fellow same still. So now…I am an idol. Well, sounds shitty. I love music. But as contrary, whenever I am singing on this big stage, whenever spotlight is on me, whenever people scream for my name, that’s all no more than bullshit. I am not even God. So, would you stop your fucking attitude girls?
As if I could let it out.
***
A week later…
“Takaki, the payment for last week performance had transferred to your account. You can check it”, Daichan, the chibi manager of us states suddenly, while I am currently leaning my back on this purple sofa and reading this boring magazine.
“Oh thank you”
Yabu sits across me while plays some games and Daichan takes a seat beside him. Well, today is unexpectedly an off day. No working. No job. And I just simply feel grateful by it. Keito and Hikaru are having a date. Okay. They are different, I know. But we never complained to their homosex relationship. Or particularly, I don’t give any shit to them. Love is coming unconditionally. And there is no point to keep arguing either. At least, maybe they could conclude as lucky because somehow I can’t feel how to madly in love and always be happy like them. Do I want a girlfriend? Maybe. Maybe yes. Maybe no. As long as I could remember, I only love music.
“Well, don’t you want to buy something?”, asked Daichan suddenly
“Something like what?”, ask me back, puts that magazine aside
“I don’t know. Just thought so. I rarely see you shopping”
“Well, he loves beach and foods more than everything”, Yabu exclaims, smiles widely and shows his no-eye curves, which is confirmed as one of our treasures to keep fans become a loyal. His smile really is a high-magnet that I bet it could make every girls fall for him, and even, our manager who got blushed in an instant when he found that magnificent ones.
“You are totally a stalker”, I said plainly, sip my Nescafe till the end
“You told me before”
“Am I? Are we that close?”
“This guy surely is…”, Yabu pins me down and lets out his secret weapon.
“Hahahaha!! Yabu stop!!!”, I fight against him hardly. Dammit! Stomach is my weakness as he keeps tickling mine! We are keep struggling but he seems doesn’t want to let me go. I don’t have any choice except to clap both my hands and kicks him simultaneously.
“Hai hai gomen gomen! Let me go Yabu-sama!”
“Good. Don’t you even dare to tease me anymore”, he smirks, and I just hit back his thin arms.
“Tsk. Just go to hell”, I chuckle and he just proudly puffs his chest in front of me which is so annoying.
But then, I know, this is one of my reasons to stay still in this band. No matter how much I try to get out, the first thing that appeared on my mind always their faces. I always imagine how their expression could be once I am settling my decision. To be honest, I feel uneasy. And the second reason is because I need money. Yes. I have no smart brain, I have no spare money to spoil me, and I have no other talents. All depends on my voice. So, it becomes an enough reason for me to stay. Ignoring all shitty feelings inside. Avoiding all those lunatic instead. I have to live. And only by that single reason I know there is something I can and can’t do.
“Btw Daichan, Yabu, I have to go now, kay?”
“Where?”, asked the leader
“Killing time”
“Fine. Take care”, he says plainly and back to his smart phone.
I bid goodbye and take my bag to leave. Well, actually, I have same question with Yabu’s one. Where do I want to go? I haven’t decided it yet. I just want to sniff fresh air this afternoon, walks on the crowded and observed people, for short, simply enjoying weekend atmosphere in this big city. Then, my poor brain flashes slightly, I think I know where a good place to be.
***
People everywhere. Some of them are couples. Whether its teenager, adult, or even old couples. To be honest, there is nothing special in this place. It’s just an area where shopping centre could be seen on every spot. Clothes, electronics, and even foods shops are surrounding here. Hmm…I don’t know which one to choose. Since the very first time I came here because I want to see the street gallery. I mean, I loved to see their photos are being exposed in this street. Even if they are just amateurs, or for some people they are an expert, I enjoyed it. Seeing different expression from so many snapshots just awe me that simply.
I keep walking, and not that dumb enough of course. I am wearing hat and sunglasses. Lucky since then there is no one recognizes me. Oh shit. What am I thinking about? Do I hate to be an idol? But if the situation is like this, I am the one who willingly behave like an idol by myself. Huft.
A view of spring sakura captures my eyes. It’s a very beautiful photo. The pink petals, brown sticks, bright sky, just arranged perfectly on this photo. It seems like this photo could tell me a story about how beautiful Japan once spring comes. Instantly, I got amazed. I start to wander around of his photos. Wait, the photographer’s name is…Inoo Kei. Hmmm, what kind of guy he is actually?
But then, as my world flipped out suddenly, I found my lung stops breathing for a while. There is no more confusing state for me as now I look at a photo, which is a guy sings as the main object, on a big stage, spotlight on him, moreover, that guy is ME. What?! What’s this?! This is the last week performance right? How can he do this? I mean even if it’s not my first time to be centre of point, but he has no right to take my photos secretly and shows in this street gallery. At least, if he ever be taught how to keep his etiquette, he knows that snapped an idol is actually forbidden.
“Excuse me…”, I approach for a short guy not far from his photos collections, he averts the cute eyes to look me back and smiles immediately.
“May I help you?”
“Anoo…are you Inoo Kei?”
“Me? No no no…Inoochan is currently buying drinks for himself on 7-Eleven. Look, over there”, he points to mentioned shop behind me and I just nod.
“Why? Do you have any business with him? You love his photos? He is one of experts here and no doubt if people adore his creations”, he explains to me in one breath, even if I don’t have any interest about this ‘Inoo’ guy and no demanding. But, looking at such puppy eyes he has, I can’t show him that I ignore him for whatever he talks about.
“Oh souka”, I answer, too short
“Look! That’s Inoochan!”, once again he points to a certain direction. My eyes just travel everywhere and try to capture that rude photographer who took my photos without excuse first.
“The one who wears white knitted-shirt and black shawl”
In a blink of eye, I got the person into my sight. He is currently walking and seems like he wants to come here, to where we stand.
“Thanks for the info! Jya!”, I bow down to that cute and short guy, before finally I found my escape way and approach the Inoo guy.
Right. Now I am currently standing in front of this wanted person. And as he realizes someone blocks his way, he just lifts his face up to me. The first impression I got is a fact that his face doesn’t look like he is a criminal. He has same height as me, well, maybe I am two cms taller than him at least. He has shiny and smooth hair, white pale skin, pinky and pouty lips, and a smile which welcomed me as he makes the cheekbone curves prettily. Wait. He is a guy right? Why does his face look like a girl? But hey Yuuya! That’s not a matter now!
“Are you Inoo Kei?”, I ask him by a cold tone which sounds scary even in my own ears. I don’t know if he feels the same. For God’s sake, I even don’t know why I am being this mad right after I found him behave me like an idol.
He keeps silent. Dumbly, just maintains his smile which leads me to get irritated more by seconds. What is he thinking about? Am I not that obvious so he feels like he could smile whenever he wants? Fuck you man!!
“Hey, I ask you!”
The sounding of my gritted teeth could be heard clearly. I am sure he hears the same as well. But I don’t know if today is my lucky day or not but people seem like they didn’t give any shit to us, busy with their own matters and passed by me clueless. But…oh God why?!! Why this guy just stands still and looks at me plainly? Wait wait…could it be because I am wearing this hat and sunglasses so he can’t recognize this Takaki Yuuya? Right! How can I forget about it?!
After realizes such fact, I decided to drag him into quiet spot. Maybe it’s not that silent either, since some people passed by on this small intersection. Of course, they just let me be when I push that guy a bit to the wall, so his escape way is being blocked and all he should do is just answering for my every questions. Slowly, I take off my sunglasses and the hat. See, I reveal my faces only for you dork so don’t dare you to ignore me! Shit! I think my mind is going boiling by this attitude he keeps.
“You are Inoo Kei right?”
And then he starts to move his hands. Gesturing something that I have no clue in the earth what he currently do. He points to both ears of him by his index fingers, and then he waves his hands in front of me just like people who tried to say ’no’. What? What is it? Could he tell me properly?
“D-don’t make a fun of me you dumbass!! Why did you take a photo of me?! I am Takaki Yuuya, the vocalist of J-Room which you attend the concert last week. Do you remember that?”, my voice is a bit shrilling, it’s so annoying in my ears and I hope he could get what I meant. I try to make the tone deeper so he doesn’t need any single explanation about why I am so angry.
Then, his eyes are widening. So, did he just want to speak after I threat him? Huh? But…hey…for second time he doing some movements of his finger that I don’t understand even a point of it. Sometimes he makes a look like three sign, or sometimes changes it right away into small zero, and to another curve which is really confusing. My mind tries to absorb what’s going on, but then, hey, don’t tell me, this behavior of him, the way he didn’t respond me, the way he just looks at me by sharp glares, it means that…he is…a deaf?
I gasp, but I manage it hard so it won’t become too audibly. At least, not now. Impossible, between street’s turmoil like this, do I want to shout hysterically only because I found the guy in front of me, who took all my attention, who fired me up by such anger, in the end can’t get what I mean and just stand clueless? Dammit! I clutch my hand and make a fist, try to calm down and pretend like my breath aren’t chasing, or else, people will give their attention and this famous Takaki Yuuya would be exposed. Once again, I look back to those brown eyes. Could he feel what I feel? How can he know that me currently poured my angriness to him while my voice can’t reach him after all? And the worst part is he just shows me his innocent face like he hasn’t did something wrong. Fuck.
BZZTTTT
My phone is buzzing and I immediately take a look. Huft. It’s from Yabu. What else this time?
“Yuuya, where are you?”
“Somewhere. Why?”, I ask lazily
“Wanna join us to usual club tonight? C’mon, have some drinks man”, he whines and I just chuckle. But then on second thought I think it’s not a bad idea. At least, maybe it could be a runaway from all problems I got this afternoon with this deaf man. Even if it can’t be called as a problem either, but me, simply dislikes it.
“Fine, I’ll come an hour later”
Then by that short conversation, I put my iPhone 5s to my pocket and wear the hat first. I look to those brown orbs straightly, tries to gesturing him that I have something to settle out. But, no matter how deep I gave him such glare, he keeps persistent to show me a smile and even bows down after he recognized maybe I’ll leave in any moments. Damn! It is getting my nerves already. And, without I have my clear mind first, I punch the wall right beside his ears a bit hard. He just looks at my fist plainly, blinks his eyes several times, but I really don’t care as I hope he understands that I dislike him.
“Don’t you even dare to take my photos anymore”, I point my index finger to his face, while he still looks innocently and I feel like I wanna fuck that face right away. What am I waiting for? He can’t answer me right? As I give him the last irritated chuckle pointless before I really leave him by wearing my glasses first.
***
“Nee Daichan, all outfits are complete right?”, asked Yabu once he puts his luggage to the room.
“Don’t worry about it”, Daichan states simply
“Good then. Just want to make sure you didn’t forget the properties like previous times”, he shows his no-eye smile for nth time, ruffles Daichan’s hair and of course the younger guy just covered by tint pink instantly. Tsk. Daichan you should be careful by that guy. He is a club type so don’t trust him easily. I thought on my mind. But, well, Daichan already knew such facts either so there is no point if I told him while I don’t have any interest after all. Yeah. Only music which could take all my interests. Oh what am I thinking about actually? It’s not a time for that.
Well, we are currently on small villa on the beach. J-Room will have photoshoots here and all members just fix their belongings to the room. It’s just for two days tho. But maybe Keito and Hikaru thought it’s a free honeymoon as they shared the same luggage, even asked Daichan to share same room while it supposed to be a person on single room. Huft. They are different with me. I came here only because I want to oblige my job as idol. It’s all only for money. But yeah, it’s not that bad either as I could see the beach after all.
“The photographer will come this afternoon and we will start right at that time. He is my high school friend. Don’t worry. He’s kind”, Daichan states as he gestures us to have lunch first on living room.
“Well, kinder than me?”, Yabu teases and pokes Dai’s chubby cheek. Ugh. I am enough with this lovey-dovey drama.
“Ah-uhn…you are kind…of course”, Dai shyly said and I cursed under my breath to see these two guys in front of me. For uncountable times, I let out noisy ‘tsk’ and hope they could understand. But as contrary when I turn back and intend to talk with Hikaru, he is currently having private and silly talk with Keito. Even if I can’t hear clearly but their faces are dumb enough to explain me everything.
Quickly, I decide to just approach living room first, leave them behind and take my lunch. Well, it’s better when I feel like I am in a relationship with friend chicken and French fries at the first place. I sit to single couch and sip the prepared orange juice. While I am eating, I keep thinking about what kind of pose I will have to do later. Sometimes, if the photographer didn’t command us that much, I should lean on my instinct about which pose that makes me look cooler. And only by that thought, I don’t realize that I already finished my lunch.
***
Two hours later…
“Boys, are you ready?”, Daichan’s high pitched voice could be heard on this corridor. I stretched my back head and make sure how I am looking in the mirror. The white shirt I am wearing, and a casual jeans will be the first snapshot we have today. Well, I think I should put gel so my hair would look sexier.
“Yuuya come on!”
“Hai!!”, I shout and do not wasting time any longer to approach them. All I should do is looking perfect on the camera, a bit smiling, and whoops…the money will be transferred to my account. There is no easier job than what I am currently doing.
The sounding of our footsteps are echoing in this private villa. It doesn’t need five minutes to go downstairs, sits on the setting which Daichan already prepared before, and looks slightly to the photographer. But…wait…eh? Eeehhh? Eeehhh? He is…Inoo Kei right? The one who took my photos rudely and even didn’t say single sorry. Well, maybe it’s because he can’t, but still, I don’t have any hint that I would forgive him soon.
“Okay boys. His name is Inoo Kei. My friend when I was in high school. And for your information…he is…a deaf…so…please get along with him”, Daichan explained to us. Okay, I already knew all these infos except about he is Dai’s friend. The more I look at him, I can’t get it about why should I got trapped into this condition. Maybe it can’t be ignored but for God’s sake I feel uneasy if I should work with someone that showed me bad first impression.
“He is beautiful!”, Hika whines out of sudden, earns a death glare and whacks from Keito, before he suddenly ‘tehee’ his words and claps both hands, intends to ask the younger so he will be forgiven.
“Well, he is”, Daichan says shortly.
The red knitted-shirt -why does he love to wear knitted-shirt after all?- and the black tight jeans he wears are perfectly arranged. His smooth hair even shines brighter under this sunshine. Wait! What?! I know he is beautiful but a guy should be looked cool like me right?! More importantly, I have no reason to keep complimenting him at the first place.
But, why should I deny it if it’s really a fact? At this point, I couldn’t agree more by what Hika said.
Okay, ignore that thought Yuuya. Focus on your job. Moreover, you can’t argue Daichan and claim that you want to ask someone instead of him, or else Daichan will scold you for more than two hours. Just do it fast. Back to your room. And forget about all fated problems you got with that guy. End.
“Take position!”, Dai claps both hands of us and he is doing some gesturing with Inoo. This is the first time I know such information that Dai could communicate with deaf and mute person. A slight smirk curved on my side of lips. Without any indeed reason. I just did.
I am being the centre and sits on a certain chair, while my fellow are standing behind. Less than a second, I make poses which I think cool enough to be filled the cover for next month magazine. At least, if my fellow gave their 100%, then I should give my 200%. The reason? Of course because I am the centre right?
Focus. I confirm to myself. As the flash keeps spreading and the click sounds occupied as well. And for the first time in my life, I saw his expression while he takes our photos. Rather than the innocent one, somehow, his glare is different. He looks to me straightly, without any smile, without any cheekbone he showed me before. Oh. Did I just say to me? I mean to us. Since when I think him focusing on me only? Oh Gosh Yuuya, what are you thinking about at this point?
But, after some moments, I didn’t miss any chance that he looks to his camera in upset. He, too, looks to me like he feels disappointed with what just happened. Oh God. This time it really is to me. The way he gazes, I could conclude easily those brown orbs attacks me brutally like I just committed a painful sin. What? How dare he give me such eyes?!
“What? Why?”, Yabu asks, breaks the silence.
Of course, rather than a clear answer, he just approaches me and in a blink of eye bents down his face as the same level with mine. What? What’s this?! What does he mean by this action? Moreover, now he pulls my neat long-sleeve shirt and curls it until reach my elbow. Not only that, he starts to unbutton two upper buttons of my shirt and exposes my neck slightly. I haven’t recovered yet, but now, he gives me his alien language by fingers and I don’t have any clue what it means. But, as I feel something suddenly penetrating my heart weirdly, as I found myself can’t argue him any further, the moment when he looks to me by such deep gaze like this just simply leads my mind to stop thinking for a while. All going to numbness as I think I got hypnotized by those plain ones. My king pride heart being weak. So, in the end, I can’t do anything except to look back at him and stay stunned like a statue.
And for nth time, his fingers are gesturing something that I don’t understand.
***
Finally, after those tiring moments, after some explanations from Daichan, we could end the photo session this afternoon. Huft. I could take a rest. But like a high-magnet keep carrying inside my skin, the more I supposed to ignore him, the more I found his image just gets clearer on my very eyes. Wanting or not -maybe actually not-, my eyes flicked to his existence. You don’t know how I get a fact about him who loves to eat ice cream and vanilla milk like a secret agent. You don’t know how his cheekbone curves higher when he gulps for a drink and the movement of his jaw is too clear to remember. And you don’t know how I turn into lunatic after I found myself can’t let him escape from these rebellion eyes.
What? What happen to me? Something strange absorbed to my vein right after he saw me deeply. Those eyes, those gazes, those fingers movements, just tried hardly to say something. Something that pissed me off since I can’t get what it truly means. And something that I want to forget most because I believe it wouldn’t be that important. Yes Yuuya. It’s not even important. Not even has to meddle too much with your life.
“Yuuya”, a tap on shoulder get my distraction. I turn to look at Yabu and ignore him fully. Oh shit. So I just stalked him while ago after all, who observes for his camera on the sofa of living room while I am standing clueless on the kitchen.
“You okay? Too much daydreaming I guess. Is there something bothering you?”, he playfully hits my arms and offers a glass of mineral water. Well. I should admit a fact that he is a good leader for us. Since he always gives most concern despite he looks like no more than an expert playboy.
“I am okay”, I said, shortly. The transparent glass on my hand turns empty after I gulp it fast. Handed it back to Yabu and he just smiles reassuringly.
“Why don’t you go to your eternal love?”, the leader pokes my cheeks and giggles, makes me absolutely widened my eyes in disbelief.
“WHAT?! Eternal love?! I even haven’t fallen in love to him yet!!”
Yabu just blinks and frowns in confusion. Oh dammit! What did I just say? Mouth, what did you do?!
“Him? Who is him? I mean just go to beach and have fun there. That’s your eternal love right?”
And right after I heard such explanation, I could feel something boils in my cheeks. I don’t know why. I just feel that my face is getting hotter and it led my brain turn malfunction. My Gosh. The sunshine effect really is bad for me today.
“Ah…hahaha…you right”, I try to laugh, even in my own ears it’s totally not my usual laugh. I am currently falling into awkward state. That I feel like I am lost, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what happen, and I don’t want to know if it’s related to that irritating photographer.
“Well, just go then. We have two days only and tomorrow is the last day. Don’t waste your time”
“Would you want to accompany me?”
“Sorry boy I can’t. Daichan asked me to help him actually. And moreover there is no bikini girls.”, he winks and walks to refrigerator, opens it and searches for something I don’t know what for sure.
“Ah and then…”, he paused and turns back to look at me. “You can’t ask Hikaru and Keito either or Hika will kill you if you dare to disturb their time”, he grimaces and I just chuckle. Well, I know it will be turn out like this and all I could do is cursing these stupid band-mates under my breath.
“Fine. Take your time lovebirds”
***
Okay. Firstly, beach is the best healing for me. Secondly, I don’t have anything to do. Rather than stay on my room and hearing accidentally HikaTo’s very stupid moans, I prefer to enjoy the beach and maybe take a swim for an hour before sunset comes. Even if I am alone, but since the villa is just meters away, or to be exact this beach is right in front of the main door, I shouldn’t feel worried if I can’t remember way to back home later.
But, should he exist beside me? Oh well, I mean, I want this to be me time right? Spoil myself around and no disturbance. But what I imagine is just so much in gap by what currently happens. Both of us are locking each other eyes. He with his camera, while I bet he just took some snapshots of this beach before I come. I’d like to put all blame into life. About why should he stand while I haven’t recovered my poor heart, exactly.
“What are you doing here?!”, unconsciously, I am shrilling for nth time whenever I stand beside him. But, one thing that I shouldn’t forget is the fact that he can’t hear me, moreover, responds me back, instead of gazing me by such innocent eyes uncountable times.
Huft. Stupid. I know it gonna be useless to argue. Everything will be better if I just avert my eyes and look to the horizon, so I decide to obey what mind said so. This undeniable predisposition will lead me crazy if I don’t start to stop myself. Yuuya, he is an outsider to your life. Why should you give too much concern about him? I asked so. As if I could get a proper answer.
The emerald green called for me. Without any hesitation, in a blink of eye all outfits I wear are being placed on top of the sand, except for my boxer of course. This feels so nice. The moment wind contracted to my bare chest just brings me to ninth cloud. Ok yeah. Sounds exaggerating and stupid.
But suddenly, beyond expectation, I got a very brilliant idea. A shadow of evil penetrates to my mind, and I sacrifice myself to be absorbed willingly. Well, I could take revenge by pretending that I want to be his friend right? Great. Now all plots are arranged perfectly. As I suddenly take a step closer to where him standing and smile. Literally, it’s a smile. Then, I grab his shirt and unbuttoning one by one. He gazed but I keep this fake smile. Hardly, I try to give him a hint that signaling I want him to join me swimming.
He hesitates first. Waving his left hand and I got ‘no’ answer. Huh? I am right. He doesn’t seem like a person who could swim well in a place like beach. Demoo, play a bit with me isn’t a sin. Fufufu. As I keep opening his shirt but please God…why he has this milky chest at the first place?! Moreover, what’s with those moles near his collarbone and the neck part?!!! Why it seems so pure, like it never been touched and the shittiest part is he just glares at me, again, by that innocent one?!!! Fuck! This is just a game!!
“J-just do it by yourself!”, I commit a surrender as I turn back my whole body. Particularly, he got what I mean. It doesn’t need any explanation to realize he is currently putting off his pants and locks his camera on somewhere safe, far from the water touching. Despite he can’t hear for what I commanded but yeah…act speaks louder for this point.
We got into water, but since then he doesn’t let his hand go from my elbow. He tugged it, like a kitten who can’t free from this meanie master. Huh. You can’t do anything without me this time right? I am your savior. As I keep holding your hand to teach you how to swim bravely against the wave. So, don’t you ever dare to meddle that much with me anymore. Don’t you ever dare to take my private scenes secretly and consider me as an idol like everyone else. Of course. I still remember the reason behind my action to trap him. And when I got enough confidence, when I think we are far enough from the coastal, I purposely let go off your hand.
One. Two. Three.
He shocks and fights hardly to swim by his feet. Meanwhile, I am just looking and step back. See, I am not a kind person. I don’t care to whoever you are. I can’t be beaten that easy only by your glare. You don’t know about me. You don’t have any right to show my face and put ‘lonely’ as the title. You don’t have any right to be prejudiced. You don’t know how to live just the way I am so fuck with your rude attitude. Blame yourself.
Repeat. Suggest yourself Yuuya. Okay, I know it’s not enough. But, the moment I saw him floundered, the moment I saw his hands are waving, even if I know he hasn’t be tortured that much, some parts inside my vessels argue me, angry to myself, and I found my breath are chasing when I think he is in painful stage.
“INOO!!”
For the first time, this stupid heart leads me to betray all plans I had prepared. Quickly, I approach him, rescue him from being tormented, make sure he is okay, and I can’t be stupider insanely. First thing I do is grabbing both side of his face, confirm that there is nothing wrong, and this guy should take a responsibility for making my mind such in chaos right after he circles his arms around my neck, along with that weak face which I hate most. Yes, hate. I’m anomaly.
“You okay?”
Tell me a reason why did I let out that question out of blue. Is it because I am weak toward him who now has these dripping waters fall from his black hair? Or is it because he just looks at me by those baby eyes? Then now for some reasons my heartbeat becomes unsteady, even breathing is so fucking hard and I just blink dumbly. Rather than make sure about his condition, I think it should be me who questioned first whether I am okay or not.
Maybe it’s just a coincidence. But he suddenly gives me circle shape by gluing his index finger and thumb, tells me that he is okay. I just look at him plainly. And his clueless yet sincere smile just leads me being a crazy. Why? Why do you smile still? Why don’t you hate me? Shit! Finding a fact that now I am currently attaching my forehead with his is really bad. Since then, I haven’t realized that for uncountable times my nose escape for such relieve sighs. Stop it Yuuya.
“Yokatta naa…”, I murmur, barely audible, and of course not that audibly on his ears. Then, after I break our forehead-to-forehead moment, I found him doing some gestures by his fingers, again. And this time, I can’t betray my own heart, I can’t be hypocrite as my poor brain demands impatiently from an explanation about what he tries to say. What? What does it mean?
“T…Tell me, please, tell me properly. What does it mean Inoo?!”, his body is being shaken by my palms, but, no matter how many times I beg for simple clear words, he just answers me by his innocent smiles and eyes. Without knowing how this behavior successes to create a wound inside my weak heart. My eyes rolling everywhere, tries to translate his language into my owns, but what I’ve got…is nothing. And for the first time since forever, I cursed a fact where I have only voice instead of smart brain.
***
Daiki planned to have small barbeque party on last day we are here. He already prepared some stuffs, and all we should do is grilling those enchanting meat, filled into the stomach and enjoy this last day. Me, just looking at my band-mates who now being hyper eating and surrounding around where Daiki is grilling the meat. All of them are chatting and laughing happily. Maybe, just maybe, in case my brain ability is capable enough to measure the gap, I am sitting on the terrace fifty meters away behind them. The starry sky up there is shining. But, rather than enjoying stars, or even meat, I choose to sit right next to that innocent guy who plays soap bubble clueless.
“Hey, you love to play alone?”, asked me stupidly. Putting my head to the hugged knee and turns my eyes to the left side, looking secretly at him. Of course. What else I expected? He can’t answer me, even can’t be distracted from his soap bubble and keep making those plump lips to pout more when he blows for the bubble.
“Of course. You used to play alone right? Don’t you feel lonely?”, I smile slightly, still, looking at him who now smiles also. No. It’s not because he hears me. It’s just because he feels happy when the bubble turns out into a big one.
“Being lonely is so pathetic right?”
I found myself totally turn into lunatic. What am I doing actually? Keep talking by myself while the object can’t even get what I mean. Why don’t I choose to join my band-mates rather than having monologue? But, my mind, brain, veins, bones, for short all parts of mine are stubbornly demand me to stay in this spot, even if I don’t have anything to do except to consume this opium by myself. Hell.
“Inoochaaannn”, Daiki’s voice disturbed my private time. The chibi approaches for his friend and start to gestures sometime which I don’t understand. But, even so, it’s only him who could communicate with Inoo. Envious came to me by no warning. In seconds, I feel like I want to replace Daichan even just for a minute.
“Nee Yuuya!”, he averts his round eyes to me, breaks me from such thought by force. “Why don’t you join us? We will have fireworks party”, a wide grin is curved on his cute lips. Somehow, at this point, I can’t deny a fact when people said he looks like 15 years high school student. See, only by this simple event, he got hooked up like there is no tomorrow.
“Fireworks? Just do it. You hate an idea if I disturb your time with that skinny guy right?”
“Oh if you dare I will kill you for sure”
“That’s why I think it will be better to stay here. I am off. Enjoy the party. Meanwhile I still could enjoy it in this spot. Don’t worry”, I shook my head and receives slight whack by Daiki. Yes. That’s true. I am too lazy to lit the fireworks and let the job be handled by those four. The most important part is seeing them spreading its color on the night sky. So, even if I am not into my friends, my eyes can capture for those colorful magic still.
“Well, maybe that’s a good idea. You could accompany Inoochan here because he said he doesn’t want to.”, Daiki sighs
“Daichan!”, a medium shout could be heard. Yabu turns back his body and see straightly to us. He flicked his eyes, asks Daichan to come there asap.
“Hai hai!”, Daichan smiles widely and earns nods from Yabu. Less than a second, that short guy leaves us in this spot and walks closer to where Hikaru and Keito prepares for bunch numbers of fireworks.
I am just observing them. But, again, no matter how they already lit the fireworks and it makes the atmosphere noisier, I find myself currently avert my eyes to the left side once more. And this time, my heart skips a beat, the moment I feel he looks me back and even smiles. I don’t need any particular reason. Only by seeing him smiles, somehow, I feel my loneliness is washed away. At this stage, I barely believe I could be this naïve.
“Why don’t you go to them?”, I asked, only to get nothing as my answer.
“Don’t tell me that you want to accompany this lonely guy so you ignore Daichan invitation”, I laugh thinking at such possibility. He laughs also, while I am sure he just follows my flow and being clueless. And then he starts to tell me something by his movement fingers. Then I don’t know if my smile turns into bitter state this time.
Slow, I reach for his cheeks. Whatever my reason is, I am brave enough to caress his chubby one at the first place. I am pretty sure those annoying people won’t come to disturb me, since they have their partners and too preoccupied by those childish fireworks game after all. Soft. He has a pudding skin that addicts me to touch more. Meanwhile on the other side he didn’t do something to prohibit me from doing so. As contrary, he smiles, like saying ‘I am okay’ in simplest way. And I couldn’t be crazier, right after I found my lips locked for his plump ones in a blink of eye.
I struggle hardly like a person who breaths aren’t restricted from throat. Well, maybe it’s not my first time to kiss someone. I have done several times before. And I know it feels nice when this wet sensation occupied my lips. But, for personal reason, this kiss is the only one which takes all my nervousness. My mind is going floating. Realizing he didn’t push me away just brings this mild to burst out more. Yabe. I find it’s hard to rescue from this innocent trap.
“Inoo, stay beside me kay? If you think that I am lonely so you must accompany me. If I ask you to stay, then you have to”, I look straightly to those hazelnut eyes. For a moment, he just confusedly frowns and deep looking to me. Got no clue about this noisy undeniable heartbeat I have. I am simply dying waiting for possible answer. But then he nods, as if he understands, as if I am allowing to kiss him for second time and I really do.
“Promise me, kay?”, I murmur, glued my forehead to his ones, ignoring all noisy fireworks sounding and its colorful pattern on the sky above us.
***
Inoo Kei
You don’t know how it feels to capture every single expression through the screen. You don't know how it feels to take most incredible moments from the best angle. I am used to it. Whether they have a soul, or maybe not. For someone like me, my sense urge through the feeling that I got. I can’t hear. I can’t speak. So the best way to communicate is from expression and eyes. Like this time, no matter how many times I focused my lens to that guy, tries to find for best moments of him on the stage, I can’t get anything except his empty eyes and lost soul as I conclude he feels…lonely. Something that you can't feel if you don't spend your time to observe him through camera like I did.
Maybe I am too rude. Staying at late night, I keep thinking whether I should post his photos on my street gallery or not. But, in the end, I choose to show his expression even if some parts inside me forbids from doing so. He has talent. All are clearly visible from how he moves on the stage. But, what? What makes him feels like he didn’t enjoy the show at the first place? He is different. From all people I used to shoot, only him who has this complicated expression as I am pretty sure he hides something. Something that I don’t have any right to know further.
***
When Daiki asked me to be photographer for J-Room session, I know I will meet him once more. No surprise. And since the last meeting we had, he always showed me his annoyance glare. I bet he is mad. But I don’t have any capability to believe what I am currently thinking is true. Somehow, it could be misunderstanding. So I just act to be professional and intend to finish this job as soon as possible.
But, again, his face seems empty. He has no soul to enjoy this photo session. It’s so different with three guys behind him. Their expressions are natural, but not for him. He forces. And I hate everything which comes from forcing. So, I bluntly approach him, fix his shirt, gestures something which I bet he hardly understand. Those brown orbs look to me by unreadable gaze. Or it’s just because I am lacking of sense to fully understand what he tries to say. Meanwhile, I am not giving up to pour him words I wish I could say.
Don’t be sad
***
The beach is so pretty. Its emerald green and white sand just become perfect object to mesmerize my camera. I keep taking the photos. Enjoying this time alone before him suddenly comes from afar. Maybe, he doesn’t realize about how he immediately crept a smile when he sees beach. Oh, I got it. So, he loves beach after all. Because it’s impossible to curve such a pure one if he doesn’t have any feel to what he currently sees. And, from the emerald green, my lens moves to capture his smile while I am zooming to take perfectly. Ah. It should be like this. This is the best expression which he has to show whenever he is on stage or having photo sessions.
Right after he stands next to me, I found him feels a bit uneasy. Does he hate me? I doubt first. Blame to this weakness of me. I can’t get what he means except a fact when he slowly unbuttons my shirt one by one, gestures simply to ask me for swimming. I am not that good in swimming but yeah…if it could make him lessen his loneliness even just a bit…then I am willingly do as he pleased.
What? What’s this?! My hand isn’t holding him anymore! Where did he go?! Hey please help me. I am dying. I can’t breathe!
And the first thing that came to my sight is his worried face. Yappari. He accidentally released my hand and now he feels so damn guilty. His frown forehead just explain me everything. Huft. Lucky he didn’t late by seconds or else I am not living in this earth anymore. Then when I found warmth covered my forehead, I can’t keep these lips to curve for such a smile, moreover, wrap my arms around his neck. Ninety percents of my mind says that he smiles but he doesn’t realize it. And only by thinking he smiles because he feels relieve since I am okay, my heart screams for a phrase but sadly I can’t let it out instead of gesturing.
You look handsome when you show a real smile
And after that, he shakes my body harshly. What? What are you talking about? Can’t you get what I mean? Stupid. I am so pathetic. After all, there is no way for him to understand what I mean. And for the first time in my life, I cursed to own this disease. In the end, I can’t reach you.
***
Takaki Yuuya
It’s been two weeks passed since the day we kissed. And in those gaps, I don’t waste any chance to keep in contact with him. Lucky today is a modern era, while everything makes an easy way to communicate, even if just through text messages. Then, on this bright day, I park my motorbike in front of his apartment’s gate. Still wearing my helmet and black leather jacket, my eyes trailed for his surrounds. After a minute which feels like an hour, impatiently, I smile right after I saw him coming here. The blue casual blazer and white shirt are accompanied him. Along with black jeans which shows his fine legs. My man is really adorable. I found this never ending happiness every time we get closer to each other.
“Hey, how are you?”, I asked slowly after he stands beside my motorbike. After that, I am gesturing something that led him smiles. Don’t ask about why I suddenly have this sense to talk with him, of course, Daichan kindly helped me to understand at the first place. We did it on these two weeks intently. And that chibi is really a good teacher.
I am doing fine is what he tries to say and I just nod. I can’t be restricted by this helmet, somehow his shadow looked glimpse as I want to get clearer sight. So, I put off my helmet and fix my messy hair slightly. We stare for a couple of seconds. Before I am moving my hands and fingers for nth time and tries to tell him what I feel.
You look good today. So pretty.
I earn a light hit on the arms and he pouts. Meanwhile, I just replied by laughing. But then I can’t handle this urge as my left hand pulls for his head to get closer, crashed my lips to his ones and sniffs this musky cologne through my nose, absorbed to my lung, penetrates my heart and I don’t need any indeed reason to fully understand how crazy I am loving this guy. He silent still and I found he closes the eyes.
After few minutes which force us to inhale breathe first, I break our sudden yet super likeable kiss. I look at him still. Sitting on my motorbike still while he just stands inches away. I have something to say. And his lacking of hearing won’t enough to bring me give up to show him what inside my heart. As I slowly play my fingers and smiles sincerely as long as I could remember.
I love you.
---END---
Well maybe this is how they looked like in the last scene.
Pairing: Takaki Yuuya x Inoo Kei (TakaNoo)
Type: Oneshot
Genre: Romance, slight angst, fluff (?)
Disclaimer: Seriously Takaki and Inoo are loved
Summary: I have nothing. I have only voice. You have everything. Except lack of hearing. So, how we supposed to be together?
Warning: My English is bad.
Requester: newsinmyweetbix (Akanechan, how's? Sorry if it's not like what you expected. LOL. You are my fellow takanoo shipper after all. :P)
A/N: I haven’t decided the fix title for this one. So that’s why when my best friends sang this song from Ariana Grande yesterday, somehow I love it and use it as the title. Thank you homies <3
Takaki Yuuya
Say yeah
Saa
Kizu tsuita kokoro wo kimi wa ima demo hikizutta mama
Itsumo onaji sono kabe no mae de tachidomatte shimau ne
Fukai sono kizuguchi fusagu koto ga dekiru nowa kitto
Boku igai no dare nimo dekinai maji aishiteru kara
People flooded in front of my very eyes. Stand perfectly, sometimes bounce, wave their light-sticks and screamed for my name. Oh well, maybe it’s not just me. It could be Yabu on drums, Hikaru on bass, or Keito in guitar. But come to think of it. I am the vocalist. And I just try not to be hypocrite. Fifty percents of these clueless girls currently adore me. Wait. On the third row of festival arena I could see a fanart of my face. What does it say? Matte…hum…it says ‘Yuuya…ple…ase…mar…ry…me’, ‘Yuuya please marry me’?!!! Oh shit! Motherfucker. What did her thinking about?
Motto chikazuite kimi no honto no namida misete
Hosoi sono yubi ni karamitai
Motto chikazukeba boku no omoi ga mieru hazu sa
Kumo no ito shikaketa kara
It’s not the first time tho. Since when it happened actually? Did yesterday I just sing on my private closet? Or I just sing on my usual café? Then I got payment which I bet it’s not that pitiful either. Well, at least if it’s 2010 then I feel the payment gave me so much luxury. Wait. Yeah, I mean…not yesterday in literally. It’s been a year passed. And now I got into an agency which formed a band named ‘J-Room’ while my fellow same still. So now…I am an idol. Well, sounds shitty. I love music. But as contrary, whenever I am singing on this big stage, whenever spotlight is on me, whenever people scream for my name, that’s all no more than bullshit. I am not even God. So, would you stop your fucking attitude girls?
As if I could let it out.
***
A week later…
“Takaki, the payment for last week performance had transferred to your account. You can check it”, Daichan, the chibi manager of us states suddenly, while I am currently leaning my back on this purple sofa and reading this boring magazine.
“Oh thank you”
Yabu sits across me while plays some games and Daichan takes a seat beside him. Well, today is unexpectedly an off day. No working. No job. And I just simply feel grateful by it. Keito and Hikaru are having a date. Okay. They are different, I know. But we never complained to their homosex relationship. Or particularly, I don’t give any shit to them. Love is coming unconditionally. And there is no point to keep arguing either. At least, maybe they could conclude as lucky because somehow I can’t feel how to madly in love and always be happy like them. Do I want a girlfriend? Maybe. Maybe yes. Maybe no. As long as I could remember, I only love music.
“Well, don’t you want to buy something?”, asked Daichan suddenly
“Something like what?”, ask me back, puts that magazine aside
“I don’t know. Just thought so. I rarely see you shopping”
“Well, he loves beach and foods more than everything”, Yabu exclaims, smiles widely and shows his no-eye curves, which is confirmed as one of our treasures to keep fans become a loyal. His smile really is a high-magnet that I bet it could make every girls fall for him, and even, our manager who got blushed in an instant when he found that magnificent ones.
“You are totally a stalker”, I said plainly, sip my Nescafe till the end
“You told me before”
“Am I? Are we that close?”
“This guy surely is…”, Yabu pins me down and lets out his secret weapon.
“Hahahaha!! Yabu stop!!!”, I fight against him hardly. Dammit! Stomach is my weakness as he keeps tickling mine! We are keep struggling but he seems doesn’t want to let me go. I don’t have any choice except to clap both my hands and kicks him simultaneously.
“Hai hai gomen gomen! Let me go Yabu-sama!”
“Good. Don’t you even dare to tease me anymore”, he smirks, and I just hit back his thin arms.
“Tsk. Just go to hell”, I chuckle and he just proudly puffs his chest in front of me which is so annoying.
But then, I know, this is one of my reasons to stay still in this band. No matter how much I try to get out, the first thing that appeared on my mind always their faces. I always imagine how their expression could be once I am settling my decision. To be honest, I feel uneasy. And the second reason is because I need money. Yes. I have no smart brain, I have no spare money to spoil me, and I have no other talents. All depends on my voice. So, it becomes an enough reason for me to stay. Ignoring all shitty feelings inside. Avoiding all those lunatic instead. I have to live. And only by that single reason I know there is something I can and can’t do.
“Btw Daichan, Yabu, I have to go now, kay?”
“Where?”, asked the leader
“Killing time”
“Fine. Take care”, he says plainly and back to his smart phone.
I bid goodbye and take my bag to leave. Well, actually, I have same question with Yabu’s one. Where do I want to go? I haven’t decided it yet. I just want to sniff fresh air this afternoon, walks on the crowded and observed people, for short, simply enjoying weekend atmosphere in this big city. Then, my poor brain flashes slightly, I think I know where a good place to be.
***
People everywhere. Some of them are couples. Whether its teenager, adult, or even old couples. To be honest, there is nothing special in this place. It’s just an area where shopping centre could be seen on every spot. Clothes, electronics, and even foods shops are surrounding here. Hmm…I don’t know which one to choose. Since the very first time I came here because I want to see the street gallery. I mean, I loved to see their photos are being exposed in this street. Even if they are just amateurs, or for some people they are an expert, I enjoyed it. Seeing different expression from so many snapshots just awe me that simply.
I keep walking, and not that dumb enough of course. I am wearing hat and sunglasses. Lucky since then there is no one recognizes me. Oh shit. What am I thinking about? Do I hate to be an idol? But if the situation is like this, I am the one who willingly behave like an idol by myself. Huft.
A view of spring sakura captures my eyes. It’s a very beautiful photo. The pink petals, brown sticks, bright sky, just arranged perfectly on this photo. It seems like this photo could tell me a story about how beautiful Japan once spring comes. Instantly, I got amazed. I start to wander around of his photos. Wait, the photographer’s name is…Inoo Kei. Hmmm, what kind of guy he is actually?
But then, as my world flipped out suddenly, I found my lung stops breathing for a while. There is no more confusing state for me as now I look at a photo, which is a guy sings as the main object, on a big stage, spotlight on him, moreover, that guy is ME. What?! What’s this?! This is the last week performance right? How can he do this? I mean even if it’s not my first time to be centre of point, but he has no right to take my photos secretly and shows in this street gallery. At least, if he ever be taught how to keep his etiquette, he knows that snapped an idol is actually forbidden.
“Excuse me…”, I approach for a short guy not far from his photos collections, he averts the cute eyes to look me back and smiles immediately.
“May I help you?”
“Anoo…are you Inoo Kei?”
“Me? No no no…Inoochan is currently buying drinks for himself on 7-Eleven. Look, over there”, he points to mentioned shop behind me and I just nod.
“Why? Do you have any business with him? You love his photos? He is one of experts here and no doubt if people adore his creations”, he explains to me in one breath, even if I don’t have any interest about this ‘Inoo’ guy and no demanding. But, looking at such puppy eyes he has, I can’t show him that I ignore him for whatever he talks about.
“Oh souka”, I answer, too short
“Look! That’s Inoochan!”, once again he points to a certain direction. My eyes just travel everywhere and try to capture that rude photographer who took my photos without excuse first.
“The one who wears white knitted-shirt and black shawl”
In a blink of eye, I got the person into my sight. He is currently walking and seems like he wants to come here, to where we stand.
“Thanks for the info! Jya!”, I bow down to that cute and short guy, before finally I found my escape way and approach the Inoo guy.
Right. Now I am currently standing in front of this wanted person. And as he realizes someone blocks his way, he just lifts his face up to me. The first impression I got is a fact that his face doesn’t look like he is a criminal. He has same height as me, well, maybe I am two cms taller than him at least. He has shiny and smooth hair, white pale skin, pinky and pouty lips, and a smile which welcomed me as he makes the cheekbone curves prettily. Wait. He is a guy right? Why does his face look like a girl? But hey Yuuya! That’s not a matter now!
“Are you Inoo Kei?”, I ask him by a cold tone which sounds scary even in my own ears. I don’t know if he feels the same. For God’s sake, I even don’t know why I am being this mad right after I found him behave me like an idol.
He keeps silent. Dumbly, just maintains his smile which leads me to get irritated more by seconds. What is he thinking about? Am I not that obvious so he feels like he could smile whenever he wants? Fuck you man!!
“Hey, I ask you!”
The sounding of my gritted teeth could be heard clearly. I am sure he hears the same as well. But I don’t know if today is my lucky day or not but people seem like they didn’t give any shit to us, busy with their own matters and passed by me clueless. But…oh God why?!! Why this guy just stands still and looks at me plainly? Wait wait…could it be because I am wearing this hat and sunglasses so he can’t recognize this Takaki Yuuya? Right! How can I forget about it?!
After realizes such fact, I decided to drag him into quiet spot. Maybe it’s not that silent either, since some people passed by on this small intersection. Of course, they just let me be when I push that guy a bit to the wall, so his escape way is being blocked and all he should do is just answering for my every questions. Slowly, I take off my sunglasses and the hat. See, I reveal my faces only for you dork so don’t dare you to ignore me! Shit! I think my mind is going boiling by this attitude he keeps.
“You are Inoo Kei right?”
And then he starts to move his hands. Gesturing something that I have no clue in the earth what he currently do. He points to both ears of him by his index fingers, and then he waves his hands in front of me just like people who tried to say ’no’. What? What is it? Could he tell me properly?
“D-don’t make a fun of me you dumbass!! Why did you take a photo of me?! I am Takaki Yuuya, the vocalist of J-Room which you attend the concert last week. Do you remember that?”, my voice is a bit shrilling, it’s so annoying in my ears and I hope he could get what I meant. I try to make the tone deeper so he doesn’t need any single explanation about why I am so angry.
Then, his eyes are widening. So, did he just want to speak after I threat him? Huh? But…hey…for second time he doing some movements of his finger that I don’t understand even a point of it. Sometimes he makes a look like three sign, or sometimes changes it right away into small zero, and to another curve which is really confusing. My mind tries to absorb what’s going on, but then, hey, don’t tell me, this behavior of him, the way he didn’t respond me, the way he just looks at me by sharp glares, it means that…he is…a deaf?
I gasp, but I manage it hard so it won’t become too audibly. At least, not now. Impossible, between street’s turmoil like this, do I want to shout hysterically only because I found the guy in front of me, who took all my attention, who fired me up by such anger, in the end can’t get what I mean and just stand clueless? Dammit! I clutch my hand and make a fist, try to calm down and pretend like my breath aren’t chasing, or else, people will give their attention and this famous Takaki Yuuya would be exposed. Once again, I look back to those brown eyes. Could he feel what I feel? How can he know that me currently poured my angriness to him while my voice can’t reach him after all? And the worst part is he just shows me his innocent face like he hasn’t did something wrong. Fuck.
BZZTTTT
My phone is buzzing and I immediately take a look. Huft. It’s from Yabu. What else this time?
“Yuuya, where are you?”
“Somewhere. Why?”, I ask lazily
“Wanna join us to usual club tonight? C’mon, have some drinks man”, he whines and I just chuckle. But then on second thought I think it’s not a bad idea. At least, maybe it could be a runaway from all problems I got this afternoon with this deaf man. Even if it can’t be called as a problem either, but me, simply dislikes it.
“Fine, I’ll come an hour later”
Then by that short conversation, I put my iPhone 5s to my pocket and wear the hat first. I look to those brown orbs straightly, tries to gesturing him that I have something to settle out. But, no matter how deep I gave him such glare, he keeps persistent to show me a smile and even bows down after he recognized maybe I’ll leave in any moments. Damn! It is getting my nerves already. And, without I have my clear mind first, I punch the wall right beside his ears a bit hard. He just looks at my fist plainly, blinks his eyes several times, but I really don’t care as I hope he understands that I dislike him.
“Don’t you even dare to take my photos anymore”, I point my index finger to his face, while he still looks innocently and I feel like I wanna fuck that face right away. What am I waiting for? He can’t answer me right? As I give him the last irritated chuckle pointless before I really leave him by wearing my glasses first.
***
“Nee Daichan, all outfits are complete right?”, asked Yabu once he puts his luggage to the room.
“Don’t worry about it”, Daichan states simply
“Good then. Just want to make sure you didn’t forget the properties like previous times”, he shows his no-eye smile for nth time, ruffles Daichan’s hair and of course the younger guy just covered by tint pink instantly. Tsk. Daichan you should be careful by that guy. He is a club type so don’t trust him easily. I thought on my mind. But, well, Daichan already knew such facts either so there is no point if I told him while I don’t have any interest after all. Yeah. Only music which could take all my interests. Oh what am I thinking about actually? It’s not a time for that.
Well, we are currently on small villa on the beach. J-Room will have photoshoots here and all members just fix their belongings to the room. It’s just for two days tho. But maybe Keito and Hikaru thought it’s a free honeymoon as they shared the same luggage, even asked Daichan to share same room while it supposed to be a person on single room. Huft. They are different with me. I came here only because I want to oblige my job as idol. It’s all only for money. But yeah, it’s not that bad either as I could see the beach after all.
“The photographer will come this afternoon and we will start right at that time. He is my high school friend. Don’t worry. He’s kind”, Daichan states as he gestures us to have lunch first on living room.
“Well, kinder than me?”, Yabu teases and pokes Dai’s chubby cheek. Ugh. I am enough with this lovey-dovey drama.
“Ah-uhn…you are kind…of course”, Dai shyly said and I cursed under my breath to see these two guys in front of me. For uncountable times, I let out noisy ‘tsk’ and hope they could understand. But as contrary when I turn back and intend to talk with Hikaru, he is currently having private and silly talk with Keito. Even if I can’t hear clearly but their faces are dumb enough to explain me everything.
Quickly, I decide to just approach living room first, leave them behind and take my lunch. Well, it’s better when I feel like I am in a relationship with friend chicken and French fries at the first place. I sit to single couch and sip the prepared orange juice. While I am eating, I keep thinking about what kind of pose I will have to do later. Sometimes, if the photographer didn’t command us that much, I should lean on my instinct about which pose that makes me look cooler. And only by that thought, I don’t realize that I already finished my lunch.
***
Two hours later…
“Boys, are you ready?”, Daichan’s high pitched voice could be heard on this corridor. I stretched my back head and make sure how I am looking in the mirror. The white shirt I am wearing, and a casual jeans will be the first snapshot we have today. Well, I think I should put gel so my hair would look sexier.
“Yuuya come on!”
“Hai!!”, I shout and do not wasting time any longer to approach them. All I should do is looking perfect on the camera, a bit smiling, and whoops…the money will be transferred to my account. There is no easier job than what I am currently doing.
The sounding of our footsteps are echoing in this private villa. It doesn’t need five minutes to go downstairs, sits on the setting which Daichan already prepared before, and looks slightly to the photographer. But…wait…eh? Eeehhh? Eeehhh? He is…Inoo Kei right? The one who took my photos rudely and even didn’t say single sorry. Well, maybe it’s because he can’t, but still, I don’t have any hint that I would forgive him soon.
“Okay boys. His name is Inoo Kei. My friend when I was in high school. And for your information…he is…a deaf…so…please get along with him”, Daichan explained to us. Okay, I already knew all these infos except about he is Dai’s friend. The more I look at him, I can’t get it about why should I got trapped into this condition. Maybe it can’t be ignored but for God’s sake I feel uneasy if I should work with someone that showed me bad first impression.
“He is beautiful!”, Hika whines out of sudden, earns a death glare and whacks from Keito, before he suddenly ‘tehee’ his words and claps both hands, intends to ask the younger so he will be forgiven.
“Well, he is”, Daichan says shortly.
The red knitted-shirt -why does he love to wear knitted-shirt after all?- and the black tight jeans he wears are perfectly arranged. His smooth hair even shines brighter under this sunshine. Wait! What?! I know he is beautiful but a guy should be looked cool like me right?! More importantly, I have no reason to keep complimenting him at the first place.
But, why should I deny it if it’s really a fact? At this point, I couldn’t agree more by what Hika said.
Okay, ignore that thought Yuuya. Focus on your job. Moreover, you can’t argue Daichan and claim that you want to ask someone instead of him, or else Daichan will scold you for more than two hours. Just do it fast. Back to your room. And forget about all fated problems you got with that guy. End.
“Take position!”, Dai claps both hands of us and he is doing some gesturing with Inoo. This is the first time I know such information that Dai could communicate with deaf and mute person. A slight smirk curved on my side of lips. Without any indeed reason. I just did.
I am being the centre and sits on a certain chair, while my fellow are standing behind. Less than a second, I make poses which I think cool enough to be filled the cover for next month magazine. At least, if my fellow gave their 100%, then I should give my 200%. The reason? Of course because I am the centre right?
Focus. I confirm to myself. As the flash keeps spreading and the click sounds occupied as well. And for the first time in my life, I saw his expression while he takes our photos. Rather than the innocent one, somehow, his glare is different. He looks to me straightly, without any smile, without any cheekbone he showed me before. Oh. Did I just say to me? I mean to us. Since when I think him focusing on me only? Oh Gosh Yuuya, what are you thinking about at this point?
But, after some moments, I didn’t miss any chance that he looks to his camera in upset. He, too, looks to me like he feels disappointed with what just happened. Oh God. This time it really is to me. The way he gazes, I could conclude easily those brown orbs attacks me brutally like I just committed a painful sin. What? How dare he give me such eyes?!
“What? Why?”, Yabu asks, breaks the silence.
Of course, rather than a clear answer, he just approaches me and in a blink of eye bents down his face as the same level with mine. What? What’s this?! What does he mean by this action? Moreover, now he pulls my neat long-sleeve shirt and curls it until reach my elbow. Not only that, he starts to unbutton two upper buttons of my shirt and exposes my neck slightly. I haven’t recovered yet, but now, he gives me his alien language by fingers and I don’t have any clue what it means. But, as I feel something suddenly penetrating my heart weirdly, as I found myself can’t argue him any further, the moment when he looks to me by such deep gaze like this just simply leads my mind to stop thinking for a while. All going to numbness as I think I got hypnotized by those plain ones. My king pride heart being weak. So, in the end, I can’t do anything except to look back at him and stay stunned like a statue.
And for nth time, his fingers are gesturing something that I don’t understand.
***
Finally, after those tiring moments, after some explanations from Daichan, we could end the photo session this afternoon. Huft. I could take a rest. But like a high-magnet keep carrying inside my skin, the more I supposed to ignore him, the more I found his image just gets clearer on my very eyes. Wanting or not -maybe actually not-, my eyes flicked to his existence. You don’t know how I get a fact about him who loves to eat ice cream and vanilla milk like a secret agent. You don’t know how his cheekbone curves higher when he gulps for a drink and the movement of his jaw is too clear to remember. And you don’t know how I turn into lunatic after I found myself can’t let him escape from these rebellion eyes.
What? What happen to me? Something strange absorbed to my vein right after he saw me deeply. Those eyes, those gazes, those fingers movements, just tried hardly to say something. Something that pissed me off since I can’t get what it truly means. And something that I want to forget most because I believe it wouldn’t be that important. Yes Yuuya. It’s not even important. Not even has to meddle too much with your life.
“Yuuya”, a tap on shoulder get my distraction. I turn to look at Yabu and ignore him fully. Oh shit. So I just stalked him while ago after all, who observes for his camera on the sofa of living room while I am standing clueless on the kitchen.
“You okay? Too much daydreaming I guess. Is there something bothering you?”, he playfully hits my arms and offers a glass of mineral water. Well. I should admit a fact that he is a good leader for us. Since he always gives most concern despite he looks like no more than an expert playboy.
“I am okay”, I said, shortly. The transparent glass on my hand turns empty after I gulp it fast. Handed it back to Yabu and he just smiles reassuringly.
“Why don’t you go to your eternal love?”, the leader pokes my cheeks and giggles, makes me absolutely widened my eyes in disbelief.
“WHAT?! Eternal love?! I even haven’t fallen in love to him yet!!”
Yabu just blinks and frowns in confusion. Oh dammit! What did I just say? Mouth, what did you do?!
“Him? Who is him? I mean just go to beach and have fun there. That’s your eternal love right?”
And right after I heard such explanation, I could feel something boils in my cheeks. I don’t know why. I just feel that my face is getting hotter and it led my brain turn malfunction. My Gosh. The sunshine effect really is bad for me today.
“Ah…hahaha…you right”, I try to laugh, even in my own ears it’s totally not my usual laugh. I am currently falling into awkward state. That I feel like I am lost, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what happen, and I don’t want to know if it’s related to that irritating photographer.
“Well, just go then. We have two days only and tomorrow is the last day. Don’t waste your time”
“Would you want to accompany me?”
“Sorry boy I can’t. Daichan asked me to help him actually. And moreover there is no bikini girls.”, he winks and walks to refrigerator, opens it and searches for something I don’t know what for sure.
“Ah and then…”, he paused and turns back to look at me. “You can’t ask Hikaru and Keito either or Hika will kill you if you dare to disturb their time”, he grimaces and I just chuckle. Well, I know it will be turn out like this and all I could do is cursing these stupid band-mates under my breath.
“Fine. Take your time lovebirds”
***
Okay. Firstly, beach is the best healing for me. Secondly, I don’t have anything to do. Rather than stay on my room and hearing accidentally HikaTo’s very stupid moans, I prefer to enjoy the beach and maybe take a swim for an hour before sunset comes. Even if I am alone, but since the villa is just meters away, or to be exact this beach is right in front of the main door, I shouldn’t feel worried if I can’t remember way to back home later.
But, should he exist beside me? Oh well, I mean, I want this to be me time right? Spoil myself around and no disturbance. But what I imagine is just so much in gap by what currently happens. Both of us are locking each other eyes. He with his camera, while I bet he just took some snapshots of this beach before I come. I’d like to put all blame into life. About why should he stand while I haven’t recovered my poor heart, exactly.
“What are you doing here?!”, unconsciously, I am shrilling for nth time whenever I stand beside him. But, one thing that I shouldn’t forget is the fact that he can’t hear me, moreover, responds me back, instead of gazing me by such innocent eyes uncountable times.
Huft. Stupid. I know it gonna be useless to argue. Everything will be better if I just avert my eyes and look to the horizon, so I decide to obey what mind said so. This undeniable predisposition will lead me crazy if I don’t start to stop myself. Yuuya, he is an outsider to your life. Why should you give too much concern about him? I asked so. As if I could get a proper answer.
The emerald green called for me. Without any hesitation, in a blink of eye all outfits I wear are being placed on top of the sand, except for my boxer of course. This feels so nice. The moment wind contracted to my bare chest just brings me to ninth cloud. Ok yeah. Sounds exaggerating and stupid.
But suddenly, beyond expectation, I got a very brilliant idea. A shadow of evil penetrates to my mind, and I sacrifice myself to be absorbed willingly. Well, I could take revenge by pretending that I want to be his friend right? Great. Now all plots are arranged perfectly. As I suddenly take a step closer to where him standing and smile. Literally, it’s a smile. Then, I grab his shirt and unbuttoning one by one. He gazed but I keep this fake smile. Hardly, I try to give him a hint that signaling I want him to join me swimming.
He hesitates first. Waving his left hand and I got ‘no’ answer. Huh? I am right. He doesn’t seem like a person who could swim well in a place like beach. Demoo, play a bit with me isn’t a sin. Fufufu. As I keep opening his shirt but please God…why he has this milky chest at the first place?! Moreover, what’s with those moles near his collarbone and the neck part?!!! Why it seems so pure, like it never been touched and the shittiest part is he just glares at me, again, by that innocent one?!!! Fuck! This is just a game!!
“J-just do it by yourself!”, I commit a surrender as I turn back my whole body. Particularly, he got what I mean. It doesn’t need any explanation to realize he is currently putting off his pants and locks his camera on somewhere safe, far from the water touching. Despite he can’t hear for what I commanded but yeah…act speaks louder for this point.
We got into water, but since then he doesn’t let his hand go from my elbow. He tugged it, like a kitten who can’t free from this meanie master. Huh. You can’t do anything without me this time right? I am your savior. As I keep holding your hand to teach you how to swim bravely against the wave. So, don’t you ever dare to meddle that much with me anymore. Don’t you ever dare to take my private scenes secretly and consider me as an idol like everyone else. Of course. I still remember the reason behind my action to trap him. And when I got enough confidence, when I think we are far enough from the coastal, I purposely let go off your hand.
One. Two. Three.
He shocks and fights hardly to swim by his feet. Meanwhile, I am just looking and step back. See, I am not a kind person. I don’t care to whoever you are. I can’t be beaten that easy only by your glare. You don’t know about me. You don’t have any right to show my face and put ‘lonely’ as the title. You don’t have any right to be prejudiced. You don’t know how to live just the way I am so fuck with your rude attitude. Blame yourself.
Repeat. Suggest yourself Yuuya. Okay, I know it’s not enough. But, the moment I saw him floundered, the moment I saw his hands are waving, even if I know he hasn’t be tortured that much, some parts inside my vessels argue me, angry to myself, and I found my breath are chasing when I think he is in painful stage.
“INOO!!”
For the first time, this stupid heart leads me to betray all plans I had prepared. Quickly, I approach him, rescue him from being tormented, make sure he is okay, and I can’t be stupider insanely. First thing I do is grabbing both side of his face, confirm that there is nothing wrong, and this guy should take a responsibility for making my mind such in chaos right after he circles his arms around my neck, along with that weak face which I hate most. Yes, hate. I’m anomaly.
“You okay?”
Tell me a reason why did I let out that question out of blue. Is it because I am weak toward him who now has these dripping waters fall from his black hair? Or is it because he just looks at me by those baby eyes? Then now for some reasons my heartbeat becomes unsteady, even breathing is so fucking hard and I just blink dumbly. Rather than make sure about his condition, I think it should be me who questioned first whether I am okay or not.
Maybe it’s just a coincidence. But he suddenly gives me circle shape by gluing his index finger and thumb, tells me that he is okay. I just look at him plainly. And his clueless yet sincere smile just leads me being a crazy. Why? Why do you smile still? Why don’t you hate me? Shit! Finding a fact that now I am currently attaching my forehead with his is really bad. Since then, I haven’t realized that for uncountable times my nose escape for such relieve sighs. Stop it Yuuya.
“Yokatta naa…”, I murmur, barely audible, and of course not that audibly on his ears. Then, after I break our forehead-to-forehead moment, I found him doing some gestures by his fingers, again. And this time, I can’t betray my own heart, I can’t be hypocrite as my poor brain demands impatiently from an explanation about what he tries to say. What? What does it mean?
“T…Tell me, please, tell me properly. What does it mean Inoo?!”, his body is being shaken by my palms, but, no matter how many times I beg for simple clear words, he just answers me by his innocent smiles and eyes. Without knowing how this behavior successes to create a wound inside my weak heart. My eyes rolling everywhere, tries to translate his language into my owns, but what I’ve got…is nothing. And for the first time since forever, I cursed a fact where I have only voice instead of smart brain.
***
Daiki planned to have small barbeque party on last day we are here. He already prepared some stuffs, and all we should do is grilling those enchanting meat, filled into the stomach and enjoy this last day. Me, just looking at my band-mates who now being hyper eating and surrounding around where Daiki is grilling the meat. All of them are chatting and laughing happily. Maybe, just maybe, in case my brain ability is capable enough to measure the gap, I am sitting on the terrace fifty meters away behind them. The starry sky up there is shining. But, rather than enjoying stars, or even meat, I choose to sit right next to that innocent guy who plays soap bubble clueless.
“Hey, you love to play alone?”, asked me stupidly. Putting my head to the hugged knee and turns my eyes to the left side, looking secretly at him. Of course. What else I expected? He can’t answer me, even can’t be distracted from his soap bubble and keep making those plump lips to pout more when he blows for the bubble.
“Of course. You used to play alone right? Don’t you feel lonely?”, I smile slightly, still, looking at him who now smiles also. No. It’s not because he hears me. It’s just because he feels happy when the bubble turns out into a big one.
“Being lonely is so pathetic right?”
I found myself totally turn into lunatic. What am I doing actually? Keep talking by myself while the object can’t even get what I mean. Why don’t I choose to join my band-mates rather than having monologue? But, my mind, brain, veins, bones, for short all parts of mine are stubbornly demand me to stay in this spot, even if I don’t have anything to do except to consume this opium by myself. Hell.
“Inoochaaannn”, Daiki’s voice disturbed my private time. The chibi approaches for his friend and start to gestures sometime which I don’t understand. But, even so, it’s only him who could communicate with Inoo. Envious came to me by no warning. In seconds, I feel like I want to replace Daichan even just for a minute.
“Nee Yuuya!”, he averts his round eyes to me, breaks me from such thought by force. “Why don’t you join us? We will have fireworks party”, a wide grin is curved on his cute lips. Somehow, at this point, I can’t deny a fact when people said he looks like 15 years high school student. See, only by this simple event, he got hooked up like there is no tomorrow.
“Fireworks? Just do it. You hate an idea if I disturb your time with that skinny guy right?”
“Oh if you dare I will kill you for sure”
“That’s why I think it will be better to stay here. I am off. Enjoy the party. Meanwhile I still could enjoy it in this spot. Don’t worry”, I shook my head and receives slight whack by Daiki. Yes. That’s true. I am too lazy to lit the fireworks and let the job be handled by those four. The most important part is seeing them spreading its color on the night sky. So, even if I am not into my friends, my eyes can capture for those colorful magic still.
“Well, maybe that’s a good idea. You could accompany Inoochan here because he said he doesn’t want to.”, Daiki sighs
“Daichan!”, a medium shout could be heard. Yabu turns back his body and see straightly to us. He flicked his eyes, asks Daichan to come there asap.
“Hai hai!”, Daichan smiles widely and earns nods from Yabu. Less than a second, that short guy leaves us in this spot and walks closer to where Hikaru and Keito prepares for bunch numbers of fireworks.
I am just observing them. But, again, no matter how they already lit the fireworks and it makes the atmosphere noisier, I find myself currently avert my eyes to the left side once more. And this time, my heart skips a beat, the moment I feel he looks me back and even smiles. I don’t need any particular reason. Only by seeing him smiles, somehow, I feel my loneliness is washed away. At this stage, I barely believe I could be this naïve.
“Why don’t you go to them?”, I asked, only to get nothing as my answer.
“Don’t tell me that you want to accompany this lonely guy so you ignore Daichan invitation”, I laugh thinking at such possibility. He laughs also, while I am sure he just follows my flow and being clueless. And then he starts to tell me something by his movement fingers. Then I don’t know if my smile turns into bitter state this time.
Slow, I reach for his cheeks. Whatever my reason is, I am brave enough to caress his chubby one at the first place. I am pretty sure those annoying people won’t come to disturb me, since they have their partners and too preoccupied by those childish fireworks game after all. Soft. He has a pudding skin that addicts me to touch more. Meanwhile on the other side he didn’t do something to prohibit me from doing so. As contrary, he smiles, like saying ‘I am okay’ in simplest way. And I couldn’t be crazier, right after I found my lips locked for his plump ones in a blink of eye.
I struggle hardly like a person who breaths aren’t restricted from throat. Well, maybe it’s not my first time to kiss someone. I have done several times before. And I know it feels nice when this wet sensation occupied my lips. But, for personal reason, this kiss is the only one which takes all my nervousness. My mind is going floating. Realizing he didn’t push me away just brings this mild to burst out more. Yabe. I find it’s hard to rescue from this innocent trap.
“Inoo, stay beside me kay? If you think that I am lonely so you must accompany me. If I ask you to stay, then you have to”, I look straightly to those hazelnut eyes. For a moment, he just confusedly frowns and deep looking to me. Got no clue about this noisy undeniable heartbeat I have. I am simply dying waiting for possible answer. But then he nods, as if he understands, as if I am allowing to kiss him for second time and I really do.
“Promise me, kay?”, I murmur, glued my forehead to his ones, ignoring all noisy fireworks sounding and its colorful pattern on the sky above us.
***
Inoo Kei
You don’t know how it feels to capture every single expression through the screen. You don't know how it feels to take most incredible moments from the best angle. I am used to it. Whether they have a soul, or maybe not. For someone like me, my sense urge through the feeling that I got. I can’t hear. I can’t speak. So the best way to communicate is from expression and eyes. Like this time, no matter how many times I focused my lens to that guy, tries to find for best moments of him on the stage, I can’t get anything except his empty eyes and lost soul as I conclude he feels…lonely. Something that you can't feel if you don't spend your time to observe him through camera like I did.
Maybe I am too rude. Staying at late night, I keep thinking whether I should post his photos on my street gallery or not. But, in the end, I choose to show his expression even if some parts inside me forbids from doing so. He has talent. All are clearly visible from how he moves on the stage. But, what? What makes him feels like he didn’t enjoy the show at the first place? He is different. From all people I used to shoot, only him who has this complicated expression as I am pretty sure he hides something. Something that I don’t have any right to know further.
***
When Daiki asked me to be photographer for J-Room session, I know I will meet him once more. No surprise. And since the last meeting we had, he always showed me his annoyance glare. I bet he is mad. But I don’t have any capability to believe what I am currently thinking is true. Somehow, it could be misunderstanding. So I just act to be professional and intend to finish this job as soon as possible.
But, again, his face seems empty. He has no soul to enjoy this photo session. It’s so different with three guys behind him. Their expressions are natural, but not for him. He forces. And I hate everything which comes from forcing. So, I bluntly approach him, fix his shirt, gestures something which I bet he hardly understand. Those brown orbs look to me by unreadable gaze. Or it’s just because I am lacking of sense to fully understand what he tries to say. Meanwhile, I am not giving up to pour him words I wish I could say.
Don’t be sad
***
The beach is so pretty. Its emerald green and white sand just become perfect object to mesmerize my camera. I keep taking the photos. Enjoying this time alone before him suddenly comes from afar. Maybe, he doesn’t realize about how he immediately crept a smile when he sees beach. Oh, I got it. So, he loves beach after all. Because it’s impossible to curve such a pure one if he doesn’t have any feel to what he currently sees. And, from the emerald green, my lens moves to capture his smile while I am zooming to take perfectly. Ah. It should be like this. This is the best expression which he has to show whenever he is on stage or having photo sessions.
Right after he stands next to me, I found him feels a bit uneasy. Does he hate me? I doubt first. Blame to this weakness of me. I can’t get what he means except a fact when he slowly unbuttons my shirt one by one, gestures simply to ask me for swimming. I am not that good in swimming but yeah…if it could make him lessen his loneliness even just a bit…then I am willingly do as he pleased.
What? What’s this?! My hand isn’t holding him anymore! Where did he go?! Hey please help me. I am dying. I can’t breathe!
And the first thing that came to my sight is his worried face. Yappari. He accidentally released my hand and now he feels so damn guilty. His frown forehead just explain me everything. Huft. Lucky he didn’t late by seconds or else I am not living in this earth anymore. Then when I found warmth covered my forehead, I can’t keep these lips to curve for such a smile, moreover, wrap my arms around his neck. Ninety percents of my mind says that he smiles but he doesn’t realize it. And only by thinking he smiles because he feels relieve since I am okay, my heart screams for a phrase but sadly I can’t let it out instead of gesturing.
You look handsome when you show a real smile
And after that, he shakes my body harshly. What? What are you talking about? Can’t you get what I mean? Stupid. I am so pathetic. After all, there is no way for him to understand what I mean. And for the first time in my life, I cursed to own this disease. In the end, I can’t reach you.
***
Takaki Yuuya
It’s been two weeks passed since the day we kissed. And in those gaps, I don’t waste any chance to keep in contact with him. Lucky today is a modern era, while everything makes an easy way to communicate, even if just through text messages. Then, on this bright day, I park my motorbike in front of his apartment’s gate. Still wearing my helmet and black leather jacket, my eyes trailed for his surrounds. After a minute which feels like an hour, impatiently, I smile right after I saw him coming here. The blue casual blazer and white shirt are accompanied him. Along with black jeans which shows his fine legs. My man is really adorable. I found this never ending happiness every time we get closer to each other.
“Hey, how are you?”, I asked slowly after he stands beside my motorbike. After that, I am gesturing something that led him smiles. Don’t ask about why I suddenly have this sense to talk with him, of course, Daichan kindly helped me to understand at the first place. We did it on these two weeks intently. And that chibi is really a good teacher.
I am doing fine is what he tries to say and I just nod. I can’t be restricted by this helmet, somehow his shadow looked glimpse as I want to get clearer sight. So, I put off my helmet and fix my messy hair slightly. We stare for a couple of seconds. Before I am moving my hands and fingers for nth time and tries to tell him what I feel.
You look good today. So pretty.
I earn a light hit on the arms and he pouts. Meanwhile, I just replied by laughing. But then I can’t handle this urge as my left hand pulls for his head to get closer, crashed my lips to his ones and sniffs this musky cologne through my nose, absorbed to my lung, penetrates my heart and I don’t need any indeed reason to fully understand how crazy I am loving this guy. He silent still and I found he closes the eyes.
After few minutes which force us to inhale breathe first, I break our sudden yet super likeable kiss. I look at him still. Sitting on my motorbike still while he just stands inches away. I have something to say. And his lacking of hearing won’t enough to bring me give up to show him what inside my heart. As I slowly play my fingers and smiles sincerely as long as I could remember.
I love you.
---END---
Well maybe this is how they looked like in the last scene.