What a long, strange trip its been
So I picked up a journal I've been keeping--on and off--since the summer of 2004. During my senior year, I developed a style in which I would switch color pens depending on what kind of thought I was getting out: I'd usually start with some sort of recap of events in the form of a narrative and switch to another pen when I'd analyze feelings and switch back and then switch again with an anecdote or some passage from a book I liked.
Of course, like this livejournal, and the many facets of self-expression I feel we all have, I would put my journal on my bookshelf (or leave it on the floor, or completely lose sight of its location)for long periods of time without reading back over it, or writing in it.
This summer, I had the honor of working as an Orientation Advisor (OA) in new student services, here at the University of Texas at Austin. It's been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. In addition to all the friends and memories I've made, I've been witness to the beauty of the self-expression of many, my co-workers, orientees, and myself. Where I stand (or more accurately sit) now, I can say that I have a better idea of who I am.
In the written journal, the last time I wrote in it was November 7th, 2008. I was exploring feelings of my inability to fully express myself and the possibilities of the next few months. On one page I explored through drawing as to whether in the spring I would train as on OA,or serve as fraternity president and in the Summer, as to whether I would be at UT, or in the mountains of Georgia at Camp Ramah Darom.
It was a tough semester, it really was. I had some legal complication arise, as well as the difficulties of classes, training as an OA (yup, I took on this possibility), discovering and creating authentic self-expression, as well as being fraternity president (I took on this possibility as well), and having a girlfriend in another state.
In January, I went on a retreat with my Orientation Staff, and we wrote letters to ourselves. I've written a few other letters to myself. I wrote a postcard to myself on top of Masada in the summer of 2004 (same time I started that written journal, hmmm....), and I put alot of thought into my letter in January. I had no idea if I was going to stick with the program, I didn't even know really what I was doing. I had shown up late to retreat because of Shabbat. I felt out of place. So I put alot of heart thinking about a present day me (future me) and what I'd want to say.
Shortly before the end of the Six-week string of Orientation Sessions, I realized that I had fulfilled all of the possibilities that I had dreamed up in my journal. And at the same time, I wanted to know what I wrote myself.
I was astounded at the clarity and beauty in which I had written myself about 160 days prior in moments of uncertainty. The letter speaks as much truth to me now, writing this essay, as it did when I wrote it and read it again for the first time almost 6 months later.
I can't help but laugh, because life is funny and beautiful. Especially in rediscovering what I never lost: myself.
To Quote Mr. Rogers: "All I can say is, it's worth the struggle to discover who you really are and how you, in your own way, can put life together as something that means a lot to you."
Of course, like this livejournal, and the many facets of self-expression I feel we all have, I would put my journal on my bookshelf (or leave it on the floor, or completely lose sight of its location)for long periods of time without reading back over it, or writing in it.
This summer, I had the honor of working as an Orientation Advisor (OA) in new student services, here at the University of Texas at Austin. It's been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. In addition to all the friends and memories I've made, I've been witness to the beauty of the self-expression of many, my co-workers, orientees, and myself. Where I stand (or more accurately sit) now, I can say that I have a better idea of who I am.
In the written journal, the last time I wrote in it was November 7th, 2008. I was exploring feelings of my inability to fully express myself and the possibilities of the next few months. On one page I explored through drawing as to whether in the spring I would train as on OA,or serve as fraternity president and in the Summer, as to whether I would be at UT, or in the mountains of Georgia at Camp Ramah Darom.
It was a tough semester, it really was. I had some legal complication arise, as well as the difficulties of classes, training as an OA (yup, I took on this possibility), discovering and creating authentic self-expression, as well as being fraternity president (I took on this possibility as well), and having a girlfriend in another state.
In January, I went on a retreat with my Orientation Staff, and we wrote letters to ourselves. I've written a few other letters to myself. I wrote a postcard to myself on top of Masada in the summer of 2004 (same time I started that written journal, hmmm....), and I put alot of thought into my letter in January. I had no idea if I was going to stick with the program, I didn't even know really what I was doing. I had shown up late to retreat because of Shabbat. I felt out of place. So I put alot of heart thinking about a present day me (future me) and what I'd want to say.
Shortly before the end of the Six-week string of Orientation Sessions, I realized that I had fulfilled all of the possibilities that I had dreamed up in my journal. And at the same time, I wanted to know what I wrote myself.
I was astounded at the clarity and beauty in which I had written myself about 160 days prior in moments of uncertainty. The letter speaks as much truth to me now, writing this essay, as it did when I wrote it and read it again for the first time almost 6 months later.
I can't help but laugh, because life is funny and beautiful. Especially in rediscovering what I never lost: myself.
To Quote Mr. Rogers: "All I can say is, it's worth the struggle to discover who you really are and how you, in your own way, can put life together as something that means a lot to you."