Affinity
The truth comes out: I work much more efficiently under pressure. I'm a crammer is what I am and it works for the most part. So I haven't posted an entry in a while where I pretty much spewed out my innards. I think one of the main reasons I have trouble sleeping is because I have too many of life's little moments playing again and again in my head and I would like to type everything I feel out here like I used to do a very long time ago before I started feeling silly about it. But I think I'll give it another go. I don't know if you've noticed but I've been deleting and editing a lot of my entries lately. I'm not entirely sure why. I think I've edited my ghost poem about 25 times now. I'm certainly not in the mindset to get any studying done and apparently I've already watched 72 minutes of Megavideo today and I can't watch any more for another hour (I was in the the middle of a show too). Please for the love of god do not try to guess who or what it is in particular that I am writing about because it will do you no good whatsoever.
Okay, so I miss you. And sometimes I think I hear your voice and I immediately stop everything I'm doing and try to act completely natural, except I end up acting completely unnatural, but then I realize that it's not your voice, it was someone totally random, and then I feel disappointed. Or relieved, maybe? I don't even know anymore. There is no justification for this behaviour. It just sprung on so suddenly but I'm not worried because this tends to happen a lot with me no matter how often I try to fight it. And then I get over it and I displace it on someone new. See? You're nothing special. Stop thinking highly of yourself.
Being seen alone in public is okay! There is no need to be afraid of being alone. It's so limiting always needing to have people around you. Learn to do things by yourself and for yourself.
I think what I am trying to do is detach myself from everyone else. There was this religion I studied about back in high school where it was taught that one must detach themselves from everything, meaning things like cell phones, clothes, houses, typical material stuff, and even their children and their spouses. Zero attachments equalled zero heartbreaks. I thought it was such a bullshit religion. Yet here I am living it.
Okay, so I miss you. And sometimes I think I hear your voice and I immediately stop everything I'm doing and try to act completely natural, except I end up acting completely unnatural, but then I realize that it's not your voice, it was someone totally random, and then I feel disappointed. Or relieved, maybe? I don't even know anymore. There is no justification for this behaviour. It just sprung on so suddenly but I'm not worried because this tends to happen a lot with me no matter how often I try to fight it. And then I get over it and I displace it on someone new. See? You're nothing special. Stop thinking highly of yourself.
Being seen alone in public is okay! There is no need to be afraid of being alone. It's so limiting always needing to have people around you. Learn to do things by yourself and for yourself.
I think what I am trying to do is detach myself from everyone else. There was this religion I studied about back in high school where it was taught that one must detach themselves from everything, meaning things like cell phones, clothes, houses, typical material stuff, and even their children and their spouses. Zero attachments equalled zero heartbreaks. I thought it was such a bullshit religion. Yet here I am living it.