Hello you can call me: A Disappointment \(^_^)/
That statement is so outdated LOL ^^ !!Now's the time to run because this is going to be dramatic!!
My life’s been a lot like this journal - empty and uneventful I guess hahahaha. If there’s anything that happened so far in my life, it’s not something I would be proud of because it’s really nothing but failures. That’s why recently I’ve been constantly doubting my capabilities and belittling my own efforts while looking back on these things.
I tried and gave my best, yet I still didn’t make it. Just when I thought that putting extra effort in what I did would make a big difference in my progress, I’d end up just making a few steps forward compared to everyone else who’ve reached a mile. Success really is a journey, and is not something achieved overnight. But sometimes I feel like I don’t have the energy anymore to keep moving forward in this journey because I know I’d end up in the same place again and become a disappointment to myself and to everyone else as well. Failing, which is the part of the process, is too painful to accept - it lowers my self-worth, undervalues my self-esteem, and puts off my determination.
Soon, I hope I can pull myself together and come up with a resolution on my self issues or try to move forward again. For now, I'll set this aside first and focus on the things that make me happy like J-drama and J-pop who are unfailingly my serotonin boosters XD. I listened to Kanjani8 a few nights ago. As expected, I was a crying mess. They purged the tears out of me with the songs “Life” and “Omoidama”. I really won’t leave them no matter what happens (You just wait when I gain my MEGA transfer quota back so I can download all of my backlogs!). I never realized until now how hard the message of their songs hit me, especially with the way things are going on in my life right now. Thank you, Eito! I believe that all will be well in time.
My writing is 💩 and I'll probably be humiliated in the future when I read this again but....... *throws hands up in the air*