tonight
hey,
i can't sleep. so. im killing some time till you come back to bed.
at first i couldnt sleep because the music was too loud, but i was afraid to turn it down; didn'tt want to give myself away. finally i gave in and turned it down, but that wasn't much better cause then i could hear your voices through the wall. it doesn't sound like you'll be back to bed in a while.
i cried a little; i mean not a whole lot but a few selfish tears cause i cannot sleep here right now and i can't leave because you'd be upset but i really need some sleep. and its not happening until you get back.
so,
might as well make the best of the time.
for a while i laid in bed and breathed deep like the buddist's do and imagined a tree outside of your room; a really young tiny one. i thought about how we were both alive at the same time, me and this tree, and it made me feel better. i imagined the giant oak that little tree could become and that made me feel better still. i was feeling pretty calm at this point. i tried to expand my mind to include you and her with the tree in my mental list of things that were alive with me but i wasn't quite buddhist enough to do that without feeling weird, so i stopped.
i thought about reading some more othello, but then figured if i couldn't sleep with this music i probably couldn't read shakespeare with it, either.
[don't get me wrong, i like the music a lot, but it just seems a little wrong in this empty room with your voice raised down the hall. plus, it makes me think of what we do ussually when the music is on and yeah...so i turned it down]
i think you may never come back. you probably think im sleeping so it doesn't matter how long you talk to her but im totally not and i wish i could just leave or walk out there in the hall in my underwear and say something like, "hey, im really tired, so im gonna turn your music off now and go to bed" and then come back here, snuggle into your bedsheets and dream.
but im writing this instead. its doing a pretty good job of passing the time, to be honest.
wow, its almost four. i don't know how im gonna wake up for theory lab tommorrow. 7 o'clock. maybe you'll be back by then.
i kind of feel like crying again.
i called gillian twice under your sheets. i was gonna be real quiet if she picked up, but she didn't, so i just left a little message where i cried and said i was in a bad situation and just wanted to talk to someone. she'll probably get it tommorrow and think i've killed myself.
but im tired of talking about this situation becuse it just makes me think about it more and my stomach hurts and so does my head a little cause im tired.
i wish you would come back.
this is excruciating. please come back.
im gonna post this and cry a little more i think.
jesus.
i can't sleep. so. im killing some time till you come back to bed.
at first i couldnt sleep because the music was too loud, but i was afraid to turn it down; didn'tt want to give myself away. finally i gave in and turned it down, but that wasn't much better cause then i could hear your voices through the wall. it doesn't sound like you'll be back to bed in a while.
i cried a little; i mean not a whole lot but a few selfish tears cause i cannot sleep here right now and i can't leave because you'd be upset but i really need some sleep. and its not happening until you get back.
so,
might as well make the best of the time.
for a while i laid in bed and breathed deep like the buddist's do and imagined a tree outside of your room; a really young tiny one. i thought about how we were both alive at the same time, me and this tree, and it made me feel better. i imagined the giant oak that little tree could become and that made me feel better still. i was feeling pretty calm at this point. i tried to expand my mind to include you and her with the tree in my mental list of things that were alive with me but i wasn't quite buddhist enough to do that without feeling weird, so i stopped.
i thought about reading some more othello, but then figured if i couldn't sleep with this music i probably couldn't read shakespeare with it, either.
[don't get me wrong, i like the music a lot, but it just seems a little wrong in this empty room with your voice raised down the hall. plus, it makes me think of what we do ussually when the music is on and yeah...so i turned it down]
i think you may never come back. you probably think im sleeping so it doesn't matter how long you talk to her but im totally not and i wish i could just leave or walk out there in the hall in my underwear and say something like, "hey, im really tired, so im gonna turn your music off now and go to bed" and then come back here, snuggle into your bedsheets and dream.
but im writing this instead. its doing a pretty good job of passing the time, to be honest.
wow, its almost four. i don't know how im gonna wake up for theory lab tommorrow. 7 o'clock. maybe you'll be back by then.
i kind of feel like crying again.
i called gillian twice under your sheets. i was gonna be real quiet if she picked up, but she didn't, so i just left a little message where i cried and said i was in a bad situation and just wanted to talk to someone. she'll probably get it tommorrow and think i've killed myself.
but im tired of talking about this situation becuse it just makes me think about it more and my stomach hurts and so does my head a little cause im tired.
i wish you would come back.
this is excruciating. please come back.
im gonna post this and cry a little more i think.
jesus.