Endless summer nights
I feel like I should have so much to say lately, but I find I have very little. So much of it goes on in my head, and then if it comes out, it comes out on paper.
Lately I haven't felt like doing much either. Just sitting on the couch with Minnie and watching TV. Or reading. Or planning trips. That's about it.
I'm working through so many emotions, so many old memories. So much pain and regret.
I'm getting tired of feeling down, but in the moments when I feel happy, I feel happier than I've ever felt. I know that happiness will become a permanent state of being. I look forward to that day, when there are more happy days than not. Until then, I trudge through these old emotions. I work at becoming a better, happier person.
I'm not much fun to be around when I'm like this. I know it is hard for Matthew. I feel so grateful to have a patient husband, who understands as best he cans and accepts me as I am.
The past 2 months, since we started this, have been tough. I have already made great strides though. It is hard for me to see that sometimes, when it feels like there is so much to be done still. I'm feeling more settled with certain truths. They aren't so painful to say. I can't get back things I lost or missed out on, but I can work toward enjoying every moment of the future. To not let those losses ruin the time I have left.
******
My parents arrive on Friday and I'm looking forward to having 10 days with them. I haven't seen them in 6 months, which is the longest I've ever gone. It should be a nice time as Matthew's parents are coming down for a few days as well. And everyone will get to meet Minnie! The best grand-cat in the world :)
The sun is out. Lunch isn't over. I'm going to go enjoy that.
Lately I haven't felt like doing much either. Just sitting on the couch with Minnie and watching TV. Or reading. Or planning trips. That's about it.
I'm working through so many emotions, so many old memories. So much pain and regret.
I'm getting tired of feeling down, but in the moments when I feel happy, I feel happier than I've ever felt. I know that happiness will become a permanent state of being. I look forward to that day, when there are more happy days than not. Until then, I trudge through these old emotions. I work at becoming a better, happier person.
I'm not much fun to be around when I'm like this. I know it is hard for Matthew. I feel so grateful to have a patient husband, who understands as best he cans and accepts me as I am.
The past 2 months, since we started this, have been tough. I have already made great strides though. It is hard for me to see that sometimes, when it feels like there is so much to be done still. I'm feeling more settled with certain truths. They aren't so painful to say. I can't get back things I lost or missed out on, but I can work toward enjoying every moment of the future. To not let those losses ruin the time I have left.
******
My parents arrive on Friday and I'm looking forward to having 10 days with them. I haven't seen them in 6 months, which is the longest I've ever gone. It should be a nice time as Matthew's parents are coming down for a few days as well. And everyone will get to meet Minnie! The best grand-cat in the world :)
The sun is out. Lunch isn't over. I'm going to go enjoy that.