[friends-locked]
Things have been weird lately. Or I've been weirder than usual.
Things with the Aya of my reality have actually gotten kind of dull. Time and sexy time with him were a lot more fun when he thought he hated me or hated to like me. Now that he just feels grateful to me and thinks I'm sexy everything's gotten boring. He's not even very creative with me, and he takes me for granted. It doesn't help that his Ken-ken has given him permission to do whatever with me, because even the thrill of forbidden fruit sex is gone. I may have to put him off the next few times he swings by to see if that spices it up a bit.
But this post isn't really about him.
Things with Red have settled down a bit. We're now compromising for each other about as much as you'd expect two psychos could, so some problems have been resolved. The underlying issues remain.
But this post isn't really about him either. You could say that I'm using all of it for setup.
Nagi had to refuse Thanksgiving this year because he had a client he couldn't schedule for anything other time, very pointedly telling Brad that the Japanese don't give a shit about Thanksgiving, duh. That made it a dinner for just me and Brad. He made some of the dishes and bought others, while I came over with a pumpkin pie I made from picking the mind of my building's resident baking mistress. But I barely remember the food because the whole time I could feel Brad's anticipation rising as if he were stroking my skin with soft fur. Although I couldn't get into his weirdly structured mind enough to read why he felt that way, I started feeling a sense of anticipation as I wondered when I'd see what he was anticipating. By the time we got to dessert he started adding lust to the anticipation, not that I needed to feel that too because I was already hard. I managed to finish my slice of pie with whipped cream and my cup of coffee before I tackled him about half a minute before he would've tackled me. Though with him being a precog maybe he'd deliberately timed it to let me make the first move.
Whatever, we went at it for hours and it was incredible. I don't mean that he did anything really different, and I've been having sex with the man for over half my life. I mean that he was intense and focused on me in a way he rarely is. He really, really wanted me and made sure I felt it. He was still like that when I woke up in the morning with him.
But that wasn't what the anticipation was about, so he also still had that going the whole time. The anticipation was about him saying he wanted me to move into an apartment with him again. We'd pick a new place together as a fresh start and would each have our own bedroom like we used to since I can't spend too long in the middle of his boring order and he starts getting antsy amidst my clutter. I made some nervous jokes about the two of us eating meals together and taking our old psychics' vitamins and minerals with them but finally ended it by saying I needed time to think about it. Calm and confident, he accepted that answer, damn him. He knows that doing it that way makes me wonder if he foresaw something to make him that confident.
I'm still thinking about it because I'm tempted. Yeah, he pulled a few really major shitty things in the last few years but nothing like that recently. I'd say that I've shown him conclusively that I can say no to him and that I'm not dependent on him. I got him to admit that he wants and needs me. I miss having him around too.
And I need a change.
But I'm still having misgivings, like wondering whether sharing an apartment with him again would be a regression.
Things with the Aya of my reality have actually gotten kind of dull. Time and sexy time with him were a lot more fun when he thought he hated me or hated to like me. Now that he just feels grateful to me and thinks I'm sexy everything's gotten boring. He's not even very creative with me, and he takes me for granted. It doesn't help that his Ken-ken has given him permission to do whatever with me, because even the thrill of forbidden fruit sex is gone. I may have to put him off the next few times he swings by to see if that spices it up a bit.
But this post isn't really about him.
Things with Red have settled down a bit. We're now compromising for each other about as much as you'd expect two psychos could, so some problems have been resolved. The underlying issues remain.
But this post isn't really about him either. You could say that I'm using all of it for setup.
Nagi had to refuse Thanksgiving this year because he had a client he couldn't schedule for anything other time, very pointedly telling Brad that the Japanese don't give a shit about Thanksgiving, duh. That made it a dinner for just me and Brad. He made some of the dishes and bought others, while I came over with a pumpkin pie I made from picking the mind of my building's resident baking mistress. But I barely remember the food because the whole time I could feel Brad's anticipation rising as if he were stroking my skin with soft fur. Although I couldn't get into his weirdly structured mind enough to read why he felt that way, I started feeling a sense of anticipation as I wondered when I'd see what he was anticipating. By the time we got to dessert he started adding lust to the anticipation, not that I needed to feel that too because I was already hard. I managed to finish my slice of pie with whipped cream and my cup of coffee before I tackled him about half a minute before he would've tackled me. Though with him being a precog maybe he'd deliberately timed it to let me make the first move.
Whatever, we went at it for hours and it was incredible. I don't mean that he did anything really different, and I've been having sex with the man for over half my life. I mean that he was intense and focused on me in a way he rarely is. He really, really wanted me and made sure I felt it. He was still like that when I woke up in the morning with him.
But that wasn't what the anticipation was about, so he also still had that going the whole time. The anticipation was about him saying he wanted me to move into an apartment with him again. We'd pick a new place together as a fresh start and would each have our own bedroom like we used to since I can't spend too long in the middle of his boring order and he starts getting antsy amidst my clutter. I made some nervous jokes about the two of us eating meals together and taking our old psychics' vitamins and minerals with them but finally ended it by saying I needed time to think about it. Calm and confident, he accepted that answer, damn him. He knows that doing it that way makes me wonder if he foresaw something to make him that confident.
I'm still thinking about it because I'm tempted. Yeah, he pulled a few really major shitty things in the last few years but nothing like that recently. I'd say that I've shown him conclusively that I can say no to him and that I'm not dependent on him. I got him to admit that he wants and needs me. I miss having him around too.
And I need a change.
But I'm still having misgivings, like wondering whether sharing an apartment with him again would be a regression.