The Blessings of the Ceiling Cat
Welcome to the horror that is The LOLcat Bible. The really terrifying thing is that my brain reads it all in Cartman's voice. Lo, here is some of Ezekiel 23:
Skanks
1 An Ceiling Cat keep speekin to me: 2 U kno thoes two cats over dere? Theyr momma dun kno who iz baby daddy. 3 An they iz both... SLUTS! Peepls from south tuched their butts. An other stuff. An they likd it 4 an the cats has weerd namez an makes the baybees like doll factoreez.
If that wasn't enough, have Song of Solomon 8:
Beloved
1 I wish u wer mai bruthr,
so we cud hav hawt cestuous makeoutz
in frunt of ppl.
thats not weird, iz it?
2 Plus we cud be in saem howse,
drinkin mai winez and joose and cookies.
3 hugz!
4 but srsly, doters of jeroosalem,
dun wake luv up early ok
it r cranky late sleeper kthx.
Friends
5 ho is in r dezert
leanin on boykittyfrenz?
Beloved
no iz in dezert silly. iz undr appl tree.
ur mom lieks appl tree to.
iz very populer tree.
lots of babies borning an stuff.
dey shud cleen there moar.
6 i has a bucket.
bucket iz ur hart.
bucket iz also on fire an ded and stuffs.
but iz stil gud bucket.
7 luv gets put in sink but iznt drownded.
also u cant buy it sry
Friends
8 ok so like we hav this sistr
ho isnt growned up an sexy yet.
wut do we do with sistr?
9 we dres her up all prty
an maek lolicon 4 internets!
Beloved
10 ho carez? i has boobies.
boykittyfriend lieks them.
11 solomon has a vinyard in sum hard to spel plaec.
tenants can has solomon's vinyard.
he gets moneys when fruitz get ated.
12 i has a vinyard too!
solomon can has mai vinyard an moneys.
he is gud boykittyfriend.
guys dat tend the vinyard get moneys too i guess.
Lover
13 wai u spendin all ur time
in garden w/frends?
i can has ur voice?
i mean not like takin ur actual voice or nething but, like, talking an singing an stuffs. yodeling b ok 2.
Beloved
14 kk lets go 2 mountains
an b deers an gazels.
My brain hurts. Those cells are never gonna come back to life.
Skanks
1 An Ceiling Cat keep speekin to me: 2 U kno thoes two cats over dere? Theyr momma dun kno who iz baby daddy. 3 An they iz both... SLUTS! Peepls from south tuched their butts. An other stuff. An they likd it 4 an the cats has weerd namez an makes the baybees like doll factoreez.
If that wasn't enough, have Song of Solomon 8:
Beloved
1 I wish u wer mai bruthr,
so we cud hav hawt cestuous makeoutz
in frunt of ppl.
thats not weird, iz it?
2 Plus we cud be in saem howse,
drinkin mai winez and joose and cookies.
3 hugz!
4 but srsly, doters of jeroosalem,
dun wake luv up early ok
it r cranky late sleeper kthx.
Friends
5 ho is in r dezert
leanin on boykittyfrenz?
Beloved
no iz in dezert silly. iz undr appl tree.
ur mom lieks appl tree to.
iz very populer tree.
lots of babies borning an stuff.
dey shud cleen there moar.
6 i has a bucket.
bucket iz ur hart.
bucket iz also on fire an ded and stuffs.
but iz stil gud bucket.
7 luv gets put in sink but iznt drownded.
also u cant buy it sry
Friends
8 ok so like we hav this sistr
ho isnt growned up an sexy yet.
wut do we do with sistr?
9 we dres her up all prty
an maek lolicon 4 internets!
Beloved
10 ho carez? i has boobies.
boykittyfriend lieks them.
11 solomon has a vinyard in sum hard to spel plaec.
tenants can has solomon's vinyard.
he gets moneys when fruitz get ated.
12 i has a vinyard too!
solomon can has mai vinyard an moneys.
he is gud boykittyfriend.
guys dat tend the vinyard get moneys too i guess.
Lover
13 wai u spendin all ur time
in garden w/frends?
i can has ur voice?
i mean not like takin ur actual voice or nething but, like, talking an singing an stuffs. yodeling b ok 2.
Beloved
14 kk lets go 2 mountains
an b deers an gazels.
My brain hurts. Those cells are never gonna come back to life.