brittany likes her whoppers with lots of ketchup!
xmas is almost over yay! i told my mom the other day that i won't be celebrating xmas anymore after this year and she was all like "ahh lisa why??" i think she thought i was kidding. i'm not. i went on to explain to her all the reasons i hate it and that i don't care about getting presents either, i think its stupid because i'm getting presents because its EXPECTED of people, not because they just feel like it. i guess i'm gonna have to say i'm jehovah's witness from now on, cause they don't celebrate holidays, it would get people off my case about it. apparently if you live in america you have to go with american customs or you're some kind of freak.
i'm still tired as hell from working and i gotta do it again tomorrow. but i feel much better about the other situation. i talked to him which didn't really give me any answers because he doesn't have them. its so frustrating to try to be as honest as possible with a person, get the courage to ask them all the hard questions, and still have no real answers. i gain a lot of perspective through talking to nick too, cause he's close with both of us, so he sees both sides, plus he's been through a lot of shit relationship-wise and he's a pretty smart person. really all the things he said to me were things i already knew, but to hear them from another person helps me to realize thats whats true. i dunno what i've been doing lately thats different, i guess i've been clingy or something but i never meant to. looking back on it i'm realizing that i'm being like that because i miss him. even when i'm with him i miss him, because he's not his normal self right now. i'm wanting to be around him a lot to cheer him up, to grasp onto that connection that we had/(have? i'm not sure anymore), but since its not working i'm just trying harder.
i need to stop trying so hard and realize its not about me and there's nothing i can do. i need to stop obsessing and back off and let things happen as they will. enjoy things for what they are and get myself back to being the independant person i am. i lost control of myself for a little while, and i want it back. i have the power to do that and thats what i'm going to do. nick pinpointed it: i have control over everything in my life besides this, and thats why it bugs me so much, i'm trying so hard because i want to gain control, but matters of love aren't something anyone can control. i realize that now but its so hard to accept.
so after that conversation i was thinking i should just back off and give him some space, go do something else (even though it was thursday and we usually hang out on thursdays, with brittany and nick too), so just brittany and i were hanging out. then richie called and invited us to go to a party with him. so umm yeah a little confusing but i did want to see him and i can't turn down a party. went to morgana's house, i didn't know most of the people there but everyone was cool and we had a lot of fun. took some shots (eww candy cane vodka) took some crazy pictures. went home and there were more people there drinking too. apparently i can't not drink for like even a few days at a time. it just doesn't happen. i'm a hopeless drunk and there's nothing i can do about it.
i'm still tired as hell from working and i gotta do it again tomorrow. but i feel much better about the other situation. i talked to him which didn't really give me any answers because he doesn't have them. its so frustrating to try to be as honest as possible with a person, get the courage to ask them all the hard questions, and still have no real answers. i gain a lot of perspective through talking to nick too, cause he's close with both of us, so he sees both sides, plus he's been through a lot of shit relationship-wise and he's a pretty smart person. really all the things he said to me were things i already knew, but to hear them from another person helps me to realize thats whats true. i dunno what i've been doing lately thats different, i guess i've been clingy or something but i never meant to. looking back on it i'm realizing that i'm being like that because i miss him. even when i'm with him i miss him, because he's not his normal self right now. i'm wanting to be around him a lot to cheer him up, to grasp onto that connection that we had/(have? i'm not sure anymore), but since its not working i'm just trying harder.
i need to stop trying so hard and realize its not about me and there's nothing i can do. i need to stop obsessing and back off and let things happen as they will. enjoy things for what they are and get myself back to being the independant person i am. i lost control of myself for a little while, and i want it back. i have the power to do that and thats what i'm going to do. nick pinpointed it: i have control over everything in my life besides this, and thats why it bugs me so much, i'm trying so hard because i want to gain control, but matters of love aren't something anyone can control. i realize that now but its so hard to accept.
so after that conversation i was thinking i should just back off and give him some space, go do something else (even though it was thursday and we usually hang out on thursdays, with brittany and nick too), so just brittany and i were hanging out. then richie called and invited us to go to a party with him. so umm yeah a little confusing but i did want to see him and i can't turn down a party. went to morgana's house, i didn't know most of the people there but everyone was cool and we had a lot of fun. took some shots (eww candy cane vodka) took some crazy pictures. went home and there were more people there drinking too. apparently i can't not drink for like even a few days at a time. it just doesn't happen. i'm a hopeless drunk and there's nothing i can do about it.