This is a really cool story so far. Your Neji is a jerk so far, but I'm guessing that's the point; he's going to change and grow as the story goes along. You've left a lot of suspense too, I honestly have no idea what Hinata will do next now that she's decided not to give up (as in, will she go back to Konoha, or go to another country, or become a missing-nin, or...). Also, the LeeSaku fan in me is loving their engagement, Sai is written perfectly, and there's no character bashing. I HATE character bashing.
Have you considered reading Stephen King's book "On Writing"? You're a wonderful author, there are just a few things here and there that you could tweak to make this story professional quality (for example, you use too many "the white-eyed boy's" and "the indigo-haired girl's" instead of just names). Pick it up, it's a good resource.
What a story! But is Neji in love with Hina?
anonymous
May 26 2007, 13:48:57 UTC
I just started my love for NejixHina a few days ago when i accidentally stumbled on the numerous fan sites of NejiHina. The Chuuin exam part is probably the only time when Neji & Hinata interact very intensively in the original anima/manga, at that time I was already thinking: what a shame that they are so closely related, or else they would have been a romantically involved karmic pair together. And it seems that I am not the only one! Your site is one of my 'clicking on the links' discovery. To my delight, I found your fanfic very well written, well thought and deep. You are genuinely a good story teller, and I like how the way your characters act are thought out in accordance to their personality as in the manga/anime. Many fanfic writers lack this to my dismay. In ADROS, my fav part is the opening where you wrote about Hinata's fears and thoughts, so delicate and sensitive portrayal of our fav heroine. The part where you wrote about her letting her hair grow long and the feeling when she strokes her hair she imagines this would
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Have you considered reading Stephen King's book "On Writing"? You're a wonderful author, there are just a few things here and there that you could tweak to make this story professional quality (for example, you use too many "the white-eyed boy's" and "the indigo-haired girl's" instead of just names). Pick it up, it's a good resource.
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