(no subject)
Gail C. Vann
Sept. 9 1956 - June 12 1993
I know most people probably won't know or remember what that means. Most people who read this never knew my mom. And most people probably won't even remember me today. Not that many of them remember me other days. I have a huge cluster of RL "friends" who act nice to my face but all feel as though I'm unstable and flaky and the sort of person who just bounces from one person to another, forgetting the past ones as I go. If any of those people are reading this, you may not think it gets back to me, but it does. And it hurts. If you're worried about me, if you really care, then just talk to me. If you're hurt because I seem to be drawing away from everyone, bottling myself up into my little hole, then maybe take a moment to pause and think about some of the things you've said about me to other people. And think about how those might hurt if I heard them. Because believe me. I do hear them. And they only serve to make me feel as though I shouldn't bother trying to stay close to people because they don't want me close to them. I'm tired of feeling isolated. Of feeling as though I can't even be frustrated over my own life because everyone else takes it personally. Of people being angry or hurt because while I have to fix what's going wrong with ME, I don't have the time or the energy to worry about what's wrong with THEM. Because I can't go out and hang out and be social and such the way I used to be. Do I miss it? Yeah, I do. Do I wish I could go to? Yeah, I do. But that doesn't seem to matter much to everyone. It just matters that Neko "left them behind" again. Because god forbid that Neko have to work out her own problems right now. Honestly, what I'd like most is for those people who really care about me to stop saying shit about me behind my back that they don't have the balls to say to my face. You hate my cosplay? So say it. You think I'm fat? Go for it. You think I'm a mean-hearted, shallow, flaky bitch? Go right ahead. I'm not made of crystal. But I think I deserve to know the truth.
Sept. 9 1956 - June 12 1993
I know most people probably won't know or remember what that means. Most people who read this never knew my mom. And most people probably won't even remember me today. Not that many of them remember me other days. I have a huge cluster of RL "friends" who act nice to my face but all feel as though I'm unstable and flaky and the sort of person who just bounces from one person to another, forgetting the past ones as I go. If any of those people are reading this, you may not think it gets back to me, but it does. And it hurts. If you're worried about me, if you really care, then just talk to me. If you're hurt because I seem to be drawing away from everyone, bottling myself up into my little hole, then maybe take a moment to pause and think about some of the things you've said about me to other people. And think about how those might hurt if I heard them. Because believe me. I do hear them. And they only serve to make me feel as though I shouldn't bother trying to stay close to people because they don't want me close to them. I'm tired of feeling isolated. Of feeling as though I can't even be frustrated over my own life because everyone else takes it personally. Of people being angry or hurt because while I have to fix what's going wrong with ME, I don't have the time or the energy to worry about what's wrong with THEM. Because I can't go out and hang out and be social and such the way I used to be. Do I miss it? Yeah, I do. Do I wish I could go to? Yeah, I do. But that doesn't seem to matter much to everyone. It just matters that Neko "left them behind" again. Because god forbid that Neko have to work out her own problems right now. Honestly, what I'd like most is for those people who really care about me to stop saying shit about me behind my back that they don't have the balls to say to my face. You hate my cosplay? So say it. You think I'm fat? Go for it. You think I'm a mean-hearted, shallow, flaky bitch? Go right ahead. I'm not made of crystal. But I think I deserve to know the truth.