Fanfic: Stay With Me - RenRuki
Alright, so I finally get to post SMUT to this LJ~
I think pretty much EVERYONE knows my OTP predilections. So you know that it is pretty rare for me to write outside of said OTP. Not because I find the other pairings to be wrong or anything, but just b/c they don't FIT in my mind. I guess that's b/c I choose my pairings not only based on personal preference, but usually on evidence that I see in a series. If I can't find decent evidence to suggest that it's actually plausible, I usually won't ship it. However, I love my friends very much, and so I do favours and presents for them.
This would be one such present, written for Mekus-chan who is my Renji on Polychromatic and does such a kickass job of playing him and is such an awesome person. Mekus, I <3 you~. Anyway, since her poor Renji gets to watch Rukia w/Ichigo, I told her I would write her some RenRuki smut in return. XD.
As for RenRuki as a pairing, I don't think it's a BAD pairing at all. In fact, I think it's quite cute. I just think it doesn't work in most instances b/c I just don't see that Rukia has those feelings for Renji. I'm pretty convinced that she did AT ONE POINT. But the bit sticking point is that when she gave Renji a chance, by coming to him about being adopted by the Kuchiki family, he instead chose to let her go. In my opinion, Renji lost his chance at a love w/Rukia when he chose to step aside and ignore his feelings. However, that does leave the concept of RenRuki open to me in one important way. What if Renji DIDN'T let her go?
Which brings us to the story. It's basically a 'what-if' of what could have happened had Renji gone after her. Be warned, there IS graphic sex in here, so don't click if you're not prepared for that. Otherwise, please enjoy. Initially it was supposed to be entirely from Renji's pov, but that just wasn't going v. well b/c Renji is harder for me to write, so I ended up going back and adding Rukia's pov, though it's still mostly from Renji's.
Title: Stay With Me
Fandom: Bleach
Pairing: RenRuki
Rating: NC-17
Stay With Me
Tears. It was the tears that stopped him, lending momentary silence not only to breathing, but to the thundering sound his heart always made when she was near. Intoxicating, alluring, seemingly unaware of the way she could, with a single glance, tumble every fragment of his strength and leave him broken and shattered on the floor. Of how those same eyes that could flash so dangerously could then warm and return his scattered self to completion. She was everything that he’d ever wanted, everything that had haunted his dreams for years. But now…she was crying. And he, Abarai Renji, was the reason for those tears. Mind drawing a blank, he watched with wooden posture as the small fingers gently clasped his wrist, moving it aside to allow her slight figure to slip past. Away from him.
Rukia…
Staring down at the floor, Renji steeled himself against the urge to turn and go after the smaller shinigami. No. It was for the best for things to be this way, wasn’t it? She’d have the life she’d always deserved, the life he couldn’t ever hope to give her. What use was there in offering her something that would forever be unworthy of her? Gritting his teeth, the crimson-haired man allowed hands to curl into fists at his side as his inner war raged on. It wasn’t right, wasn’t just. That he should have to let her go in order to make her happy, in order to give her what he wanted her to have. How did it make sense that…he should have to hurt them both to bring a smile to her face?
No…it ISN’T right, and it DOESN’T make sense. Rukia…I’m an idiot…
With a slight nod to himself, the tattooed man set his expression, brows drawing together over brown eyes. Whirling, he took off at a run down the hallway, heading in the direction he knew a certain petite raven-haired girl would be taking.
Rukia…I’m sorry. It’s selfish of me, and unfair to you, but I just…can’t let you go like this…
Barreling around a corner, he caught sight of her at the end of the hall, and called out her name. A head shot up, like a trapped animal, and with a widening of blue-violet eyes she turned and fled. Gritting his teeth, he ran after her, footfalls pounding against the polished wood floors. Why, why did she have to run from him? He supposed he couldn’t blame her. Afterall, he had obviously hurt her so it wasn’t that big of a surprise that she’d not want to see him. But that didn’t mean he was going to simply give up. Pushing harder, he caught up to her just as she managed to pry open the door to her room. As the small figure slipped from sight, Renji’s large hand clamped around her wrist in a grip that was as gentle as it was firm. Feeling the resistance, she paused, turned away from him with her arm outstretched behind her. Gasping for breath, Renji simply held on to the limb that he’d never realized was so small, so thin and fragile-seeming.
“R…Rukia….”
She didn’t move, simply stood there, narrow shoulders slumped slightly as though in defeat. Seconds ticked by as hours, heartbeats sounding like thunder amidst the suffocating silence. It was what seemed a long time later that she finally spoke, in a voice that was small and devoid of any discernable emotion.
“Let go, Renji…”
Frowning at the back of her head, the tall shinigami shook his head. Let go? No…he couldn’t. Sure, he could release his grip on her slender wrist. But…he couldn’t let her go. Not now, not ever. And he honestly didn’t know right now how he’d ever thought he would have been able to. Swallowing hard against the sudden lump in his throat, he opened his mouth to say something, praying the words would come out. And they did, though it was in a dry, almost choked whisper.
“I can’t…”
Raising his head to look at the girl in front of him, Renji was somewhat surprised to see her petite body trembling slightly. In all the years he’d known her, the ponytailed man had never seen her like this, seen her look so…vulnerable. The hand that hung by her side shook slightly before drawing into a fist as she raised her head slightly, still turned away from him. A deep breath, and a voice so quiet as to be nearly inaudible made itself known with a single tremulous word.
“Why?”
One single word, carrying with it so much emotion, so much potential. And…he didn’t know how to answer her. It wasn’t that Renji didn’t know why he couldn’t let go of her, why he couldn’t relinquish the tight hold on her arm. No, he knew that perfectly well. Knew how he felt about her, how he wanted her, yearned for her, loved her more then he’d ever thought he could love anyone. He was well aware of the nights spent awake, staring up at the ceiling of his room and cursing the fact that he was nothing but a stray dog, barking hopelessly at the perfect and pristine moon. But now…now was the time, the chance to tell her. To somehow make her understand that even though he shouldn’t, even though he mustn’t stand in the way of this for her, that he couldn’t let go. Couldn’t let her walk out of his world, out of his life to another, loftier place where a mongrel like him could never hope to follow. And Abarai Renji didn’t know how to tell her. Swallowing, he took a deep breath, opening his mouth to say something, anything to try and make her understand, make her see. But Renji was not a man gifted with words. Growling slightly to himself, he frowned and gritted his teeth. There wasn’t time for this, wasn’t time to be stumbling over himself and his own insecurities.
Carefully, as though afraid she would run, bolt like a frightened deer, he stepped forward, taking her wrist and pulling it in front of her, wrapping both their arms around her waist as he pulled her gently back against him, resting his chin on the top of her head for a moment. Renji could feel himself shaking slightly, or maybe it was just Rukia’s trembling that he could feel. He heard the slight catch in her breath as his other arm joined the first and wrapped around her shoulders to tighten his embrace as his head dropped to her shoulder, breath warm on her skin. Tentatively, he squeezed, arms drawing closer around her as his confidence increased fractionally. She hadn’t pushed him away, hadn’t told him to stop, hadn’t done anything. Renji closed his eyes, content to simply be holding her, touching her. He’d never been this close to her before, and he wanted to relish every second. She smelled like the wind and sakura blossoms, and he nuzzled his face into hair as dark as a raven’s wing and even softer then those same feathers whose hue it mimicked.
Sucking in another shaky breath, he straightened up enough to relax his old and allow calloused hands to turn her around to face him. Resting those same hands on slim shoulders, he stared into those pools of indigo-violet that seemed ready to drown his soul before swallowing and biting his lip. He had to do this. It was now or never. No matter what she said or did, or what happened afterwards, this was his chance. And he wasn’t going to regret it.
“This is why.”
One hand slid gently up the side of her neck to cup her cheek and tilt her face up as he leaned down, pressing his lips to hers in a kiss that was as gentle as the spring rain. He didn’t know how she would react, what would happen afterwards. And so he prepared himself for the slap, the horrified look, the disgust. What he got instead was the faintest gasp of breath against his lips before soft petals pressed back against his with a slight sigh as lids slipped closed over pools of deep amethyst. She wasn’t resisting, wasn’t fighting this, this chemistry that he could feel. Deepening the kiss, Renji’s one hand caressed the side of her face as his other came up to cup her face, fingers threading into dark hair as he felt her small hands hesitantly slide up the front of his robes to rest against the front of his chest.
She tasted like honey and sunshine and vanilla, and he wanted more. One hand slid down her back to pull her tighter against him as his tongue teased at her lips, sliding softly across them before nudging them apart and slipping into her mouth to brush against her own. The redhead bit back a groan as she took his lead, caressing his tongue with her own as her arms slid up to wrap around his neck and pull him closer. Taking a moment to remind himself that they were still standing half in and half out of the doorway, Renji used his larger form to push her backwards, mouth never leaving hers as he moved one hand to slide the door closed behind him.
Pulling back, he reluctantly released his hold on her and glanced away, chest heaving as he sucked in a breath of much-needed oxygen. Turning back to look down at her with stormy dark eyes, he took in her flushed cheeks, liquid eyes, and slightly swollen lips. Biting his own, he simply stared for a moment, as those eyes locked with his in silent communication.
“Renji…”
That one word was all that was necessary. Arms tightened and his mouth was on hers again, this time hungry and rough with lust and need and years of bottled up emotions. Tilting her head back, he felt his fingers tangle in those midnight-black filaments of spun-silk he’d dreamt of touching, other arm wrapped tightly around her torso as he plundered her mouth with ruthless abandon. Backing her up towards the futon, he tore his mouth from hers to trail it along the angle of her jaw, dropping feather-light kisses along the tender skin of her throat, nipping slightly at her flesh before dragging his tongue back up the side of her neck. He felt a shiver run down his spine as she moaned slightly in response, her breath brushing his ear and making him nearly whimper as he felt small hands tangle themselves in his hair, pulling it free with a yank that snapped the tie holding the red mane back.
As her back hit the mattress, one of his hands braced itself behind her head, other wound tightly about her waist. He pulled back to loom over her, curtain of vermilion locks hanging down to pool on either side of her face, one knee resting against the sheets on either side of hers. Slipping his hand out from behind her head, he trailed his fingertips up her neck to the side of her face, caressing, touching. Swallowing, he leaned down to place a tender kiss to her lips.
“Rukia…this is ok, right? If it’s not…”
His answer was given in the form of a gentle smile as one pale hand reached up to brush along the angle of his jaw, slim fingers threading themselves through the trailing locks of crimson that hung like the branches of a willow tree. White digits curled around the thick strands of red and with a slight tug, pulled his head back down to hers as she whispered to him.
“It’s ok, Renji. It’s…what I want.”
With those words came permission, acceptance, and the freedom to unleash the tight hold he’d kept over everything for so long. Holding those feelings back had taken a toll on the lanky shinigami, but now he no longer had to push his feelings aside. He could show her everything he’d always wanted, everything he’d always yearned for. Because…now it seemed as though he’d not only been denying himself. He’d been denying her as well. With a slight groan, Renji crushed his mouth to hers, arms tightening around her small body with bruising force for a moment before he managed to somehow break through the fog in his own psyche and remind himself how much smaller then he she was. Threading one hand into the dark hair at the back of her head, he tugged gently, tilting her head back to expose the pristine whiteness of her throat. Leaning in, he dropped a trail of gentle soft kisses along her skin, lingering over her pulse-point as his other hand slid out from underneath her to rest at her waist.
She’d never expected Renji, of all people, to touch her this way, kiss her this way. Sure, she’d dreamt it, hoped for it. But never actually expected to see those dreams realized in a real and tangible way. And now…Rukia could honestly say that the reality was even better then any of the dreams or fantasies had ever been.
Lips and tongue continued their downward path over her throat and along her collarbone, Renji feeling the slight tremble in her body as he felt her hands twine themselves into long hair. Confidence bolstered by the soft whimpering sounds that slipped from between Rukia’s slightly-parted lips, the hand at her waist slid upwards, gliding across fabric to gently caress the smooth curves beneath it. Resting on her shoulder, calloused fingertips slipped slowly under the edge of the neckline, a slight tugging motion working the fabric away from porcelain flesh that was soon being attended to by Renji’s mouth.
He couldn’t help but shake his head inwardly. Even her shoulder was perfect. She was perfect. If he didn’t know it was real, he never would have believed that she’d be here, with him, like this. Eyes heavy-lidded and lips swollen from the bruising impact with his own, trembling under his touch, moaning softly at his kiss. Sitting up and pulling her with him, hands slid back down the front of her clothing, tugging at the top until it was loose enough that he could slide it off her shoulders. Molding his mouth to hers again, he let the red and white fabric drop before shrugging out of his own shirt, the garment tossed haphazardly behind him. Arms sliding around her shoulders, he lay her back down on the futon and pulled back to simply…look at her. She took his breath away, but that wasn’t a new thing. She’d always been able to do that, simply by just being her. Because…everything about her seemed to intoxicate him, draw him like moth to flame, entice him in a way that nothing else ever had. She was perfect, pure, like an angel in the wilderness that their childhood in Rukongai had been. So strong and confident and overflowing with a spirit that refused to be silenced. That was his Rukia, the girl he’d fallen in love with as a child, and the woman he now loved as a man.
Staring up at him, she felt her cheeks flush deeper as the man she’d adored for so long gazed down at her this way. She felt so…vulnerable, so exposed. Not only in body, but in a way…in spirit as well. As though all of her defenses, all of her walls and facades and shields had been stripped away as cleanly as if they had never been.
Renji swallowed hard, heart racing as he simply stared at her, taking in perfect white skin that still bore a slight flush from his attentions, shining obsidian hair splayed out around her head like a halo, and those eyes. Those wonderful, bottomless, deep eyes that he had long since realized he’d already drowned in countless times. Catching those same eyes with his own brown ones, he smiled softly down at her.
“You’re beautiful.”
Her cheeks flushed redder as she glanced away, embarrassed by the frank and honest compliment. With a slight chuckle, Renji leaned back down, propping himself up on one elbow as he claimed her mouth with another deep, searching kiss. His free hand traced small circles on the baby-soft skin of her stomach, nails barely brushing over the smooth muscles. He wanted to go slow, to make this last, but it was getting increasingly harder to deny the aching want to claim her, to make her his in every way possible. Not to mention increasingly hard to deny the other aching, of a certain portion of his anatomy that was making it’s presence rather obviously known. His hand slid up her stomach, fingertips brushing over skin in light caresses, to cup itself over the smooth curve of her breast, squeezing lightly as he continued to kiss her as though his life depended on it. The pad of one calloused thumb rubbed itself lightly over her nipple, feeling the sensitive flesh stiffen under his touch. He groaned at Rukia’s whimper, and the feel of her back arching in response and pushing herself further into his palm was enough for him to roll his hips against hers in a momentary lapse of control. Nipping and sucking at the skin over her collarbone, it was all he could do to keep his mind on the “task” at hand, what with the enticing sounds the girl beneath him kept making.
Her eyelids dropped closed and Rukia could swear her heart had momentarily stopped beating as Renji’s hands and mouth continued their exploration of her upper body. This…while it hadn’t been what she’d expected, it was instead more then she’d ever hoped for. Her fingers tightened in his hair, that wonderful red hair that she secretly adored and had always loved to touch. She’d brush it for him, when they were younger, and it had always been a guilty pleasure of hers to have him simply lie back with his head in her lap and let her comb out his hair, the crimson strands spilling over her legs to pool on the floor around his head.
Renji kissed his way down her torso, lips tracing a path over smooth flesh until they closed over her other nipple, sucking gently and biting down with the barest force before his tongue flicked over the puckered flesh, hearing Rukia moan in response, his name a strangled sound that tore from her throat as she arched her back against his mouth. He might never have thought of it before, but right now Abarai Renji was convinced that the single most arousing thing he had ever heard would have to be his name. At least, when it was being said in that small, breathless voice the way he heard it right now. With it’s note of pleading that begged for more, and the whimpering quality that he wanted to hear over and over again. His arm shifted slightly to support him better as the other hand slid from her chest and back down across her stomach to the waistband of her hakama, Fingers curling around cloth, he worked at the knot momentarily before he managed to get it loosened, allowing the ties to slip open. The redhead hesitated only a moment before questing fingers slid down to gently stroke through soft curls and trace over even softer skin.
With a whimpering moan, her hips shifted at his touch, small hands fisting in the sheets as she bit her lip in an attempt to stay quiet. Not that it really mattered whether she was quiet or not, but somehow the idea of being anything other then marginally noisy embarrassed her. And biting her lip only worked for another few seconds, until one of his fingers gently parted folds of skin and slid along skin slick with moisture. She managed to choke out his name, hands flying up once again to find a death-grip in thick crimson hair as her hips spasmed again.
“R..Renji….”
She needed to stop moaning his name that way. Not because he didn’t love hearing it. He did. He could have listened to that for an eternity. No, she needed to stop doing it because every single syllable that found it’s way into his ears only served to drive him mad and make it that much harder to do what he was trying to do, which was to not rush things. No, he had to take this slow. Otherwise, he could end up hurting Rukia, and that was an outcome he wasn’t willing to accept. He pulled his mouth from her breast, giving the nipple a final lick and settled instead for simply watching her face as he slowly slid a single finger inside her. Leaning up to kiss her, he started a slow rhythm, the finger moving in and out at an even pace, feeling her inner walls cling to him, her hips push involuntarily against his hand as her muffled moans grew louder in response to his attentions.
More, she wanted more and she wasn’t even really sure what it was that she wanted or why she wanted it. Nonetheless, she tugged at Renji’s hair, pleading for something she didn’t know, whimpering his name in a trembling, broken voice as he added a second finger, scissoring them slightly as he moved them in and out of her, thumb circling the small bundle of nerves that rested just a little higher up. Kuchiki Rukia had never begged, at least not that she could remember. Even before she’d agreed to be adopted into the noble Kuchiki family, she’d never begged for anything. Not once. But she was begging now, in small keening whimpers, begging Renji not to stop what he was doing, but urging him on to whatever end he had in mind. Frankly, at this point she didn’t care, as long as he didn’t stop.
As much as he knew she didn’t want him to stop, Renji knew he wouldn’t last much longer like this. And neither would she. Frowning at her with a slightly apologetic look on his face, he pulled his fingers back, swapping elbows to prop himself up on that same arm and licking his fingers as his other hand made short work of the ties on his own hakama. If he’d thought Rukia’s skin had tasted good, he now thought it a pale comparison. Leaning down to mold his mouth to hers again and silence the disappointed and pleading whimpers from her, he shoved her hakama down as well, shifting so that she could kick them off. Settling himself between her thighs, he raised his head to look at her, blueviolet eyes hazy and drunk with sensation. She was beautiful like that, basking in the arousal. Brushing a stray lock of hair from her forehead, he swallowed hard, a lump rising in his throat at the realization that this was real. She was really here, with him. She was his. And suddenly, it didn’t seem so hard to say those words he’d wanted to say for so long.
“Rukia…I love you.”
Her small face broke into a smile, eyes tearing up slightly as she simply nodded. She knew that, somehow had always known it, but despite knowing it, she had…needed to hear it for longer then she’d realized. And now, it just…all seemed to fall into place. This was…right, and it was something that maybe should have happened a long time before. They wouldn’t necessarily have much time, things were changing too quickly for that. But…maybe this would be something that wouldn’t have to change.
“I love you too, Renji.”
Those few words were all he needed before he was kissing her again, hands sliding down her sides to lift her hips slightly so that he could position himself, the tip of his erection pressed against her. Pulling his mouth from hers for a moment, he kissed her forehead.
“You know this might hurt a bit at first, right?”
He didn’t want to hurt her, hated that this would likely do so. But…this pain wasn’t something he could protect her from. All he could do was try to make it as brief as possible, then try to wipe it from her mind as easily as he wiped away her tears.
Nodding, she slid her arms around his neck. She knew it would probably hurt, and she could tell that Renji hated that fact. He’d always hated hurting her, whether it was intentionally or unintentionally, and it looked like this wasn’t going to be the exception. With a smile, she pulled one hand back to rub her thumb across his cheek.
“I’ll be ok, Renji. I want this. I want you.”
Pulling his head back down for a kiss, she wrapped her legs around him, feet settling on the backs of his calves as she felt him begin to move, sliding slowly inside her. He was right, it did hurt, but the pain was bearable. Gritting her teeth, she ignored the tears that squeezed out of the corners of her eyes, knowing that the pain would pass, and be replaced by something so much better.
He couldn’t help the groan that tore from his throat as he sank into her, arms tightening around her petite form like a vise. She was so tight, but hot and wet, and everything he’d ever imagined she’d be. Fingers digging into her hips with bruising force, he gritted his teeth against the urge to simply abandon control and drive himself into her in a frenzy. The slight bite of her nails on his shoulders told him enough to know that he was hurting her, and that knowledge was enough to get through his hazy mind and keep him in check. Taking a ragged breath, he rested his face against the sweaty skin of her shoulder, chest heaving as he found for the control to wait until she was ready.
The pain was fading, the sharp sting replaced by a wonderfully warm and full feeling that seemed to curl and tingle along all of her nerves, sending warm tendrils of electricity traveling down to her toes. Shifting her hips slightly, she whimpered as the slight friction sent sensation rippling out along her limbs.
Renji could tell that she was relaxing, responding. Which meant that he could stop waiting. Slowly, ever so slowly, he pulled out before pushing back in gently, rocking his hips against hers in a steady rhythm, sweat beading on his forehead with the strain of maintaining his control. Rukia’s body was like a furnace, squeezing and surrounding him with it’s tight heat, her legs tightening around him and drawing him closer as he nuzzled her neck, muffling his own moans in her skin as he bit down on porcelain skin, knowing he would leave marks and not caring. She was his, and right now Renji didn’t care if the whole world knew it.
Throwing her head back with a throaty moan, she arched her back as her hips began to move involuntarily in time with his, feeling him pushing into her over and over. Whimpering as he bit down on her shoulder, she raked her nails down his back in a silent plea for the sweet torture to continue, small voice pleading in a broken whimper, begging for more. And the sound of her breathless voice was all it took for Renji’s last bit of control to break. Pulling her legs up to wrap around his waist, he thrust harder, burying himself to the hilt in her over and over again, pouring all the years’ pent-up desire and love into every motion. His moans increased in pitch, melding together with her name to form an almost methodic chant that blended with his rhythm as he slammed his hips against hers, spurred on by every cry that she uttered in response, feeling her nails digging deeper into his back.
Legs tightened, pulling him closer, meeting his thrusts halfway, anything to pull him deeper into herself. And every thrust, every impact of his hips with hers echoed in a cry from her throat as she moaned his name, ankles locked at the small of his back as he bore into her harder, faster, their motions rising to a fever pitch. Rukia could feel the tension building in the pit of her stomach, coiling like a tightly-wound spring, sensations building and mounting as Renji’s lips found hers again, tongue ravaging her mouth as he pounded into her, his pace growing erratic as he climbed that steep slope with her. She bit down on his shoulder as she felt something snap, lights exploding behind her eyes as she howled his name, nails digging into his back as her muscles spasmed around him, feeling Renji’s climax as he thrust forward as far as he could, moaning her name before collapsing against her, shaking arms the only thing keeping his weight from crushing her.
Trembling, he managed to roll over, cradling her shaking form to his chest. Reaching up with one hand to brush sweat-drenched black hair from her forehead, he tilted her chin up and pressed his lips to hers in a gentle kiss before tightening his embrace. Whatever happened tomorrow, whether they went their separate ways or continued following the same path, it didn’t matter. Things wouldn’t ever be the same, and that…that was alright. Even if she moved on, followed a different path, she loved him, and he loved her. And that in itself, meant that he’d never have to let her go.
I think pretty much EVERYONE knows my OTP predilections. So you know that it is pretty rare for me to write outside of said OTP. Not because I find the other pairings to be wrong or anything, but just b/c they don't FIT in my mind. I guess that's b/c I choose my pairings not only based on personal preference, but usually on evidence that I see in a series. If I can't find decent evidence to suggest that it's actually plausible, I usually won't ship it. However, I love my friends very much, and so I do favours and presents for them.
This would be one such present, written for Mekus-chan who is my Renji on Polychromatic and does such a kickass job of playing him and is such an awesome person. Mekus, I <3 you~. Anyway, since her poor Renji gets to watch Rukia w/Ichigo, I told her I would write her some RenRuki smut in return. XD.
As for RenRuki as a pairing, I don't think it's a BAD pairing at all. In fact, I think it's quite cute. I just think it doesn't work in most instances b/c I just don't see that Rukia has those feelings for Renji. I'm pretty convinced that she did AT ONE POINT. But the bit sticking point is that when she gave Renji a chance, by coming to him about being adopted by the Kuchiki family, he instead chose to let her go. In my opinion, Renji lost his chance at a love w/Rukia when he chose to step aside and ignore his feelings. However, that does leave the concept of RenRuki open to me in one important way. What if Renji DIDN'T let her go?
Which brings us to the story. It's basically a 'what-if' of what could have happened had Renji gone after her. Be warned, there IS graphic sex in here, so don't click if you're not prepared for that. Otherwise, please enjoy. Initially it was supposed to be entirely from Renji's pov, but that just wasn't going v. well b/c Renji is harder for me to write, so I ended up going back and adding Rukia's pov, though it's still mostly from Renji's.
Title: Stay With Me
Fandom: Bleach
Pairing: RenRuki
Rating: NC-17
Stay With Me
Tears. It was the tears that stopped him, lending momentary silence not only to breathing, but to the thundering sound his heart always made when she was near. Intoxicating, alluring, seemingly unaware of the way she could, with a single glance, tumble every fragment of his strength and leave him broken and shattered on the floor. Of how those same eyes that could flash so dangerously could then warm and return his scattered self to completion. She was everything that he’d ever wanted, everything that had haunted his dreams for years. But now…she was crying. And he, Abarai Renji, was the reason for those tears. Mind drawing a blank, he watched with wooden posture as the small fingers gently clasped his wrist, moving it aside to allow her slight figure to slip past. Away from him.
Rukia…
Staring down at the floor, Renji steeled himself against the urge to turn and go after the smaller shinigami. No. It was for the best for things to be this way, wasn’t it? She’d have the life she’d always deserved, the life he couldn’t ever hope to give her. What use was there in offering her something that would forever be unworthy of her? Gritting his teeth, the crimson-haired man allowed hands to curl into fists at his side as his inner war raged on. It wasn’t right, wasn’t just. That he should have to let her go in order to make her happy, in order to give her what he wanted her to have. How did it make sense that…he should have to hurt them both to bring a smile to her face?
No…it ISN’T right, and it DOESN’T make sense. Rukia…I’m an idiot…
With a slight nod to himself, the tattooed man set his expression, brows drawing together over brown eyes. Whirling, he took off at a run down the hallway, heading in the direction he knew a certain petite raven-haired girl would be taking.
Rukia…I’m sorry. It’s selfish of me, and unfair to you, but I just…can’t let you go like this…
Barreling around a corner, he caught sight of her at the end of the hall, and called out her name. A head shot up, like a trapped animal, and with a widening of blue-violet eyes she turned and fled. Gritting his teeth, he ran after her, footfalls pounding against the polished wood floors. Why, why did she have to run from him? He supposed he couldn’t blame her. Afterall, he had obviously hurt her so it wasn’t that big of a surprise that she’d not want to see him. But that didn’t mean he was going to simply give up. Pushing harder, he caught up to her just as she managed to pry open the door to her room. As the small figure slipped from sight, Renji’s large hand clamped around her wrist in a grip that was as gentle as it was firm. Feeling the resistance, she paused, turned away from him with her arm outstretched behind her. Gasping for breath, Renji simply held on to the limb that he’d never realized was so small, so thin and fragile-seeming.
“R…Rukia….”
She didn’t move, simply stood there, narrow shoulders slumped slightly as though in defeat. Seconds ticked by as hours, heartbeats sounding like thunder amidst the suffocating silence. It was what seemed a long time later that she finally spoke, in a voice that was small and devoid of any discernable emotion.
“Let go, Renji…”
Frowning at the back of her head, the tall shinigami shook his head. Let go? No…he couldn’t. Sure, he could release his grip on her slender wrist. But…he couldn’t let her go. Not now, not ever. And he honestly didn’t know right now how he’d ever thought he would have been able to. Swallowing hard against the sudden lump in his throat, he opened his mouth to say something, praying the words would come out. And they did, though it was in a dry, almost choked whisper.
“I can’t…”
Raising his head to look at the girl in front of him, Renji was somewhat surprised to see her petite body trembling slightly. In all the years he’d known her, the ponytailed man had never seen her like this, seen her look so…vulnerable. The hand that hung by her side shook slightly before drawing into a fist as she raised her head slightly, still turned away from him. A deep breath, and a voice so quiet as to be nearly inaudible made itself known with a single tremulous word.
“Why?”
One single word, carrying with it so much emotion, so much potential. And…he didn’t know how to answer her. It wasn’t that Renji didn’t know why he couldn’t let go of her, why he couldn’t relinquish the tight hold on her arm. No, he knew that perfectly well. Knew how he felt about her, how he wanted her, yearned for her, loved her more then he’d ever thought he could love anyone. He was well aware of the nights spent awake, staring up at the ceiling of his room and cursing the fact that he was nothing but a stray dog, barking hopelessly at the perfect and pristine moon. But now…now was the time, the chance to tell her. To somehow make her understand that even though he shouldn’t, even though he mustn’t stand in the way of this for her, that he couldn’t let go. Couldn’t let her walk out of his world, out of his life to another, loftier place where a mongrel like him could never hope to follow. And Abarai Renji didn’t know how to tell her. Swallowing, he took a deep breath, opening his mouth to say something, anything to try and make her understand, make her see. But Renji was not a man gifted with words. Growling slightly to himself, he frowned and gritted his teeth. There wasn’t time for this, wasn’t time to be stumbling over himself and his own insecurities.
Carefully, as though afraid she would run, bolt like a frightened deer, he stepped forward, taking her wrist and pulling it in front of her, wrapping both their arms around her waist as he pulled her gently back against him, resting his chin on the top of her head for a moment. Renji could feel himself shaking slightly, or maybe it was just Rukia’s trembling that he could feel. He heard the slight catch in her breath as his other arm joined the first and wrapped around her shoulders to tighten his embrace as his head dropped to her shoulder, breath warm on her skin. Tentatively, he squeezed, arms drawing closer around her as his confidence increased fractionally. She hadn’t pushed him away, hadn’t told him to stop, hadn’t done anything. Renji closed his eyes, content to simply be holding her, touching her. He’d never been this close to her before, and he wanted to relish every second. She smelled like the wind and sakura blossoms, and he nuzzled his face into hair as dark as a raven’s wing and even softer then those same feathers whose hue it mimicked.
Sucking in another shaky breath, he straightened up enough to relax his old and allow calloused hands to turn her around to face him. Resting those same hands on slim shoulders, he stared into those pools of indigo-violet that seemed ready to drown his soul before swallowing and biting his lip. He had to do this. It was now or never. No matter what she said or did, or what happened afterwards, this was his chance. And he wasn’t going to regret it.
“This is why.”
One hand slid gently up the side of her neck to cup her cheek and tilt her face up as he leaned down, pressing his lips to hers in a kiss that was as gentle as the spring rain. He didn’t know how she would react, what would happen afterwards. And so he prepared himself for the slap, the horrified look, the disgust. What he got instead was the faintest gasp of breath against his lips before soft petals pressed back against his with a slight sigh as lids slipped closed over pools of deep amethyst. She wasn’t resisting, wasn’t fighting this, this chemistry that he could feel. Deepening the kiss, Renji’s one hand caressed the side of her face as his other came up to cup her face, fingers threading into dark hair as he felt her small hands hesitantly slide up the front of his robes to rest against the front of his chest.
She tasted like honey and sunshine and vanilla, and he wanted more. One hand slid down her back to pull her tighter against him as his tongue teased at her lips, sliding softly across them before nudging them apart and slipping into her mouth to brush against her own. The redhead bit back a groan as she took his lead, caressing his tongue with her own as her arms slid up to wrap around his neck and pull him closer. Taking a moment to remind himself that they were still standing half in and half out of the doorway, Renji used his larger form to push her backwards, mouth never leaving hers as he moved one hand to slide the door closed behind him.
Pulling back, he reluctantly released his hold on her and glanced away, chest heaving as he sucked in a breath of much-needed oxygen. Turning back to look down at her with stormy dark eyes, he took in her flushed cheeks, liquid eyes, and slightly swollen lips. Biting his own, he simply stared for a moment, as those eyes locked with his in silent communication.
“Renji…”
That one word was all that was necessary. Arms tightened and his mouth was on hers again, this time hungry and rough with lust and need and years of bottled up emotions. Tilting her head back, he felt his fingers tangle in those midnight-black filaments of spun-silk he’d dreamt of touching, other arm wrapped tightly around her torso as he plundered her mouth with ruthless abandon. Backing her up towards the futon, he tore his mouth from hers to trail it along the angle of her jaw, dropping feather-light kisses along the tender skin of her throat, nipping slightly at her flesh before dragging his tongue back up the side of her neck. He felt a shiver run down his spine as she moaned slightly in response, her breath brushing his ear and making him nearly whimper as he felt small hands tangle themselves in his hair, pulling it free with a yank that snapped the tie holding the red mane back.
As her back hit the mattress, one of his hands braced itself behind her head, other wound tightly about her waist. He pulled back to loom over her, curtain of vermilion locks hanging down to pool on either side of her face, one knee resting against the sheets on either side of hers. Slipping his hand out from behind her head, he trailed his fingertips up her neck to the side of her face, caressing, touching. Swallowing, he leaned down to place a tender kiss to her lips.
“Rukia…this is ok, right? If it’s not…”
His answer was given in the form of a gentle smile as one pale hand reached up to brush along the angle of his jaw, slim fingers threading themselves through the trailing locks of crimson that hung like the branches of a willow tree. White digits curled around the thick strands of red and with a slight tug, pulled his head back down to hers as she whispered to him.
“It’s ok, Renji. It’s…what I want.”
With those words came permission, acceptance, and the freedom to unleash the tight hold he’d kept over everything for so long. Holding those feelings back had taken a toll on the lanky shinigami, but now he no longer had to push his feelings aside. He could show her everything he’d always wanted, everything he’d always yearned for. Because…now it seemed as though he’d not only been denying himself. He’d been denying her as well. With a slight groan, Renji crushed his mouth to hers, arms tightening around her small body with bruising force for a moment before he managed to somehow break through the fog in his own psyche and remind himself how much smaller then he she was. Threading one hand into the dark hair at the back of her head, he tugged gently, tilting her head back to expose the pristine whiteness of her throat. Leaning in, he dropped a trail of gentle soft kisses along her skin, lingering over her pulse-point as his other hand slid out from underneath her to rest at her waist.
She’d never expected Renji, of all people, to touch her this way, kiss her this way. Sure, she’d dreamt it, hoped for it. But never actually expected to see those dreams realized in a real and tangible way. And now…Rukia could honestly say that the reality was even better then any of the dreams or fantasies had ever been.
Lips and tongue continued their downward path over her throat and along her collarbone, Renji feeling the slight tremble in her body as he felt her hands twine themselves into long hair. Confidence bolstered by the soft whimpering sounds that slipped from between Rukia’s slightly-parted lips, the hand at her waist slid upwards, gliding across fabric to gently caress the smooth curves beneath it. Resting on her shoulder, calloused fingertips slipped slowly under the edge of the neckline, a slight tugging motion working the fabric away from porcelain flesh that was soon being attended to by Renji’s mouth.
He couldn’t help but shake his head inwardly. Even her shoulder was perfect. She was perfect. If he didn’t know it was real, he never would have believed that she’d be here, with him, like this. Eyes heavy-lidded and lips swollen from the bruising impact with his own, trembling under his touch, moaning softly at his kiss. Sitting up and pulling her with him, hands slid back down the front of her clothing, tugging at the top until it was loose enough that he could slide it off her shoulders. Molding his mouth to hers again, he let the red and white fabric drop before shrugging out of his own shirt, the garment tossed haphazardly behind him. Arms sliding around her shoulders, he lay her back down on the futon and pulled back to simply…look at her. She took his breath away, but that wasn’t a new thing. She’d always been able to do that, simply by just being her. Because…everything about her seemed to intoxicate him, draw him like moth to flame, entice him in a way that nothing else ever had. She was perfect, pure, like an angel in the wilderness that their childhood in Rukongai had been. So strong and confident and overflowing with a spirit that refused to be silenced. That was his Rukia, the girl he’d fallen in love with as a child, and the woman he now loved as a man.
Staring up at him, she felt her cheeks flush deeper as the man she’d adored for so long gazed down at her this way. She felt so…vulnerable, so exposed. Not only in body, but in a way…in spirit as well. As though all of her defenses, all of her walls and facades and shields had been stripped away as cleanly as if they had never been.
Renji swallowed hard, heart racing as he simply stared at her, taking in perfect white skin that still bore a slight flush from his attentions, shining obsidian hair splayed out around her head like a halo, and those eyes. Those wonderful, bottomless, deep eyes that he had long since realized he’d already drowned in countless times. Catching those same eyes with his own brown ones, he smiled softly down at her.
“You’re beautiful.”
Her cheeks flushed redder as she glanced away, embarrassed by the frank and honest compliment. With a slight chuckle, Renji leaned back down, propping himself up on one elbow as he claimed her mouth with another deep, searching kiss. His free hand traced small circles on the baby-soft skin of her stomach, nails barely brushing over the smooth muscles. He wanted to go slow, to make this last, but it was getting increasingly harder to deny the aching want to claim her, to make her his in every way possible. Not to mention increasingly hard to deny the other aching, of a certain portion of his anatomy that was making it’s presence rather obviously known. His hand slid up her stomach, fingertips brushing over skin in light caresses, to cup itself over the smooth curve of her breast, squeezing lightly as he continued to kiss her as though his life depended on it. The pad of one calloused thumb rubbed itself lightly over her nipple, feeling the sensitive flesh stiffen under his touch. He groaned at Rukia’s whimper, and the feel of her back arching in response and pushing herself further into his palm was enough for him to roll his hips against hers in a momentary lapse of control. Nipping and sucking at the skin over her collarbone, it was all he could do to keep his mind on the “task” at hand, what with the enticing sounds the girl beneath him kept making.
Her eyelids dropped closed and Rukia could swear her heart had momentarily stopped beating as Renji’s hands and mouth continued their exploration of her upper body. This…while it hadn’t been what she’d expected, it was instead more then she’d ever hoped for. Her fingers tightened in his hair, that wonderful red hair that she secretly adored and had always loved to touch. She’d brush it for him, when they were younger, and it had always been a guilty pleasure of hers to have him simply lie back with his head in her lap and let her comb out his hair, the crimson strands spilling over her legs to pool on the floor around his head.
Renji kissed his way down her torso, lips tracing a path over smooth flesh until they closed over her other nipple, sucking gently and biting down with the barest force before his tongue flicked over the puckered flesh, hearing Rukia moan in response, his name a strangled sound that tore from her throat as she arched her back against his mouth. He might never have thought of it before, but right now Abarai Renji was convinced that the single most arousing thing he had ever heard would have to be his name. At least, when it was being said in that small, breathless voice the way he heard it right now. With it’s note of pleading that begged for more, and the whimpering quality that he wanted to hear over and over again. His arm shifted slightly to support him better as the other hand slid from her chest and back down across her stomach to the waistband of her hakama, Fingers curling around cloth, he worked at the knot momentarily before he managed to get it loosened, allowing the ties to slip open. The redhead hesitated only a moment before questing fingers slid down to gently stroke through soft curls and trace over even softer skin.
With a whimpering moan, her hips shifted at his touch, small hands fisting in the sheets as she bit her lip in an attempt to stay quiet. Not that it really mattered whether she was quiet or not, but somehow the idea of being anything other then marginally noisy embarrassed her. And biting her lip only worked for another few seconds, until one of his fingers gently parted folds of skin and slid along skin slick with moisture. She managed to choke out his name, hands flying up once again to find a death-grip in thick crimson hair as her hips spasmed again.
“R..Renji….”
She needed to stop moaning his name that way. Not because he didn’t love hearing it. He did. He could have listened to that for an eternity. No, she needed to stop doing it because every single syllable that found it’s way into his ears only served to drive him mad and make it that much harder to do what he was trying to do, which was to not rush things. No, he had to take this slow. Otherwise, he could end up hurting Rukia, and that was an outcome he wasn’t willing to accept. He pulled his mouth from her breast, giving the nipple a final lick and settled instead for simply watching her face as he slowly slid a single finger inside her. Leaning up to kiss her, he started a slow rhythm, the finger moving in and out at an even pace, feeling her inner walls cling to him, her hips push involuntarily against his hand as her muffled moans grew louder in response to his attentions.
More, she wanted more and she wasn’t even really sure what it was that she wanted or why she wanted it. Nonetheless, she tugged at Renji’s hair, pleading for something she didn’t know, whimpering his name in a trembling, broken voice as he added a second finger, scissoring them slightly as he moved them in and out of her, thumb circling the small bundle of nerves that rested just a little higher up. Kuchiki Rukia had never begged, at least not that she could remember. Even before she’d agreed to be adopted into the noble Kuchiki family, she’d never begged for anything. Not once. But she was begging now, in small keening whimpers, begging Renji not to stop what he was doing, but urging him on to whatever end he had in mind. Frankly, at this point she didn’t care, as long as he didn’t stop.
As much as he knew she didn’t want him to stop, Renji knew he wouldn’t last much longer like this. And neither would she. Frowning at her with a slightly apologetic look on his face, he pulled his fingers back, swapping elbows to prop himself up on that same arm and licking his fingers as his other hand made short work of the ties on his own hakama. If he’d thought Rukia’s skin had tasted good, he now thought it a pale comparison. Leaning down to mold his mouth to hers again and silence the disappointed and pleading whimpers from her, he shoved her hakama down as well, shifting so that she could kick them off. Settling himself between her thighs, he raised his head to look at her, blueviolet eyes hazy and drunk with sensation. She was beautiful like that, basking in the arousal. Brushing a stray lock of hair from her forehead, he swallowed hard, a lump rising in his throat at the realization that this was real. She was really here, with him. She was his. And suddenly, it didn’t seem so hard to say those words he’d wanted to say for so long.
“Rukia…I love you.”
Her small face broke into a smile, eyes tearing up slightly as she simply nodded. She knew that, somehow had always known it, but despite knowing it, she had…needed to hear it for longer then she’d realized. And now, it just…all seemed to fall into place. This was…right, and it was something that maybe should have happened a long time before. They wouldn’t necessarily have much time, things were changing too quickly for that. But…maybe this would be something that wouldn’t have to change.
“I love you too, Renji.”
Those few words were all he needed before he was kissing her again, hands sliding down her sides to lift her hips slightly so that he could position himself, the tip of his erection pressed against her. Pulling his mouth from hers for a moment, he kissed her forehead.
“You know this might hurt a bit at first, right?”
He didn’t want to hurt her, hated that this would likely do so. But…this pain wasn’t something he could protect her from. All he could do was try to make it as brief as possible, then try to wipe it from her mind as easily as he wiped away her tears.
Nodding, she slid her arms around his neck. She knew it would probably hurt, and she could tell that Renji hated that fact. He’d always hated hurting her, whether it was intentionally or unintentionally, and it looked like this wasn’t going to be the exception. With a smile, she pulled one hand back to rub her thumb across his cheek.
“I’ll be ok, Renji. I want this. I want you.”
Pulling his head back down for a kiss, she wrapped her legs around him, feet settling on the backs of his calves as she felt him begin to move, sliding slowly inside her. He was right, it did hurt, but the pain was bearable. Gritting her teeth, she ignored the tears that squeezed out of the corners of her eyes, knowing that the pain would pass, and be replaced by something so much better.
He couldn’t help the groan that tore from his throat as he sank into her, arms tightening around her petite form like a vise. She was so tight, but hot and wet, and everything he’d ever imagined she’d be. Fingers digging into her hips with bruising force, he gritted his teeth against the urge to simply abandon control and drive himself into her in a frenzy. The slight bite of her nails on his shoulders told him enough to know that he was hurting her, and that knowledge was enough to get through his hazy mind and keep him in check. Taking a ragged breath, he rested his face against the sweaty skin of her shoulder, chest heaving as he found for the control to wait until she was ready.
The pain was fading, the sharp sting replaced by a wonderfully warm and full feeling that seemed to curl and tingle along all of her nerves, sending warm tendrils of electricity traveling down to her toes. Shifting her hips slightly, she whimpered as the slight friction sent sensation rippling out along her limbs.
Renji could tell that she was relaxing, responding. Which meant that he could stop waiting. Slowly, ever so slowly, he pulled out before pushing back in gently, rocking his hips against hers in a steady rhythm, sweat beading on his forehead with the strain of maintaining his control. Rukia’s body was like a furnace, squeezing and surrounding him with it’s tight heat, her legs tightening around him and drawing him closer as he nuzzled her neck, muffling his own moans in her skin as he bit down on porcelain skin, knowing he would leave marks and not caring. She was his, and right now Renji didn’t care if the whole world knew it.
Throwing her head back with a throaty moan, she arched her back as her hips began to move involuntarily in time with his, feeling him pushing into her over and over. Whimpering as he bit down on her shoulder, she raked her nails down his back in a silent plea for the sweet torture to continue, small voice pleading in a broken whimper, begging for more. And the sound of her breathless voice was all it took for Renji’s last bit of control to break. Pulling her legs up to wrap around his waist, he thrust harder, burying himself to the hilt in her over and over again, pouring all the years’ pent-up desire and love into every motion. His moans increased in pitch, melding together with her name to form an almost methodic chant that blended with his rhythm as he slammed his hips against hers, spurred on by every cry that she uttered in response, feeling her nails digging deeper into his back.
Legs tightened, pulling him closer, meeting his thrusts halfway, anything to pull him deeper into herself. And every thrust, every impact of his hips with hers echoed in a cry from her throat as she moaned his name, ankles locked at the small of his back as he bore into her harder, faster, their motions rising to a fever pitch. Rukia could feel the tension building in the pit of her stomach, coiling like a tightly-wound spring, sensations building and mounting as Renji’s lips found hers again, tongue ravaging her mouth as he pounded into her, his pace growing erratic as he climbed that steep slope with her. She bit down on his shoulder as she felt something snap, lights exploding behind her eyes as she howled his name, nails digging into his back as her muscles spasmed around him, feeling Renji’s climax as he thrust forward as far as he could, moaning her name before collapsing against her, shaking arms the only thing keeping his weight from crushing her.
Trembling, he managed to roll over, cradling her shaking form to his chest. Reaching up with one hand to brush sweat-drenched black hair from her forehead, he tilted her chin up and pressed his lips to hers in a gentle kiss before tightening his embrace. Whatever happened tomorrow, whether they went their separate ways or continued following the same path, it didn’t matter. Things wouldn’t ever be the same, and that…that was alright. Even if she moved on, followed a different path, she loved him, and he loved her. And that in itself, meant that he’d never have to let her go.