I Ars In Luv~~
Alright everyone, see this? This is MINE. ^______________^
So yeah, for those of you who don't keep up with my love life, things are significantly different.
So I know a lot of you had probably seen this coming for awhile, but things with Janus and I just haven't really been that good for awhile. It's not that they've been bad or awful in any way, it's just that the feelings have kind of slipped away and we've been doing a whole lot of just going through the motions, for nearly a year at least now. And really... that wasn't fair to either of us. It wasn't fair to me, to be stuck in a relationship that I wasn't happy in, and it wasn't fair to him for me to be holding him there with the hope that things would work out when we both knew perfectly well that they weren't going to.
So that being the case, Janus and I are no longer a couple. And actually... I think we're both pretty relieved by that. I know I am. I actually feel a good deal more comfortable around him now, like I'm not having to try and pretend that things are one way when I know they're actually another. And I can tell he seems in better spirits too, which is good. We parted really amiably, and we've agreed that not only are we still real good friends, but we're staying roomies, at least until we can each figure out another living situation/July when the lease ends. Which is really nice. I might send a kitten with him when he goes. XD.
But that leads into the other thing. The new man in Neko's life. I'm sure I'll get some flak from some people about rebounds and the like, but I honestly don't see it that way. Really, Janus and I have been just roomies with slight benefits for months now, so in a way the relationship has been dead for a long time. It just never got an official funeral. Either way, I have a new one now. And really, I couldn't be happier. He makes me feel like no one else ever has. We have so much in common, and such a profound and deep connection. We can talk for hours, and I NEVER talk for hours on the phone, cept to maybe Kan-chan here and there. I just normally A. hate the phone and B. have not that much to talk about. But with Hirako... it just works. Everything works. And don't even get me started on the chemistry... XD.
I really can't remember a time when I've been this happy, this content and at peace with just everything in my world. I mean, I go through the day and I'm just grinning and smiling and giggling randomly for no reason other then the momentary thought that he exists and that he's mine. That he's coming to visit me next month, or that I'll get to talk to him later today, or whatever. And just the idea of just being NEAR him is enough to make me happy. I don't feel like I even need for us to be touching, or talking, or even anything, just to have him there beside me, like sitting on a bench at the lake watching the sunset or something, it just.... works.
I had actually stopped believing in love, at least stopped REALLY believing in it. I'd just decided that life isn't really about finding some fairytale sort of thing that makes you feel complete and perfect and like nothing in the world can touch you as long as you have it, and that all we could ever hope for was just to find something that we could learn to be content with. And now... I'm starting to believe in that again.
The only real problem is the distance. I'm in North Carolina, he's in Pennsylvania. 7 or 8 hours, that's a long time. But even though I once said I didn't think I could do distance.... it somehow doesn't seem like so much more than just a very little thing anymore. And he's the same way, wanting to give it a go in spite of the distance. And so far things are working. He cosplays Shinji (obviously), and makes such a perfect one (even has the tongue stud~). I'm going to be his Hiyori at Katsucon, and Kan-chan is going to cosplay Lisa, so we'll have a Vaizard trio to run around and hang out as. It's going to be so totally awesome, like having two of my fav. people around with me at con. The one I love, and the one who is like another sister to me. ^___^
Oh, speaking of Katsu, anyone who is still interested, we still have space in the room. Hopefully it won't be another 18-person clusterfuck like AUSA was (even though I thought that was fun. XD ), but it would be nice to have upwards of 8 or 9 in the room.
And goddammit, why the hell can't people stick with what they schedule?! They schedule their pickup for Sunday, then there's like 20 of them here TODAY. It bugs me bc yeah, it means they'e going home and I don't have to deal with it, I LIKE looking at the schedule and going "oh, there's only 5 dogs going home" and it actually only BEING 5 dogs.
Took a little mini-hiatus from the internets entirely for about a week or so after con, partially due to RL drama, but also I just felt a bit drained in regards to teh intarwebs. I know, WHAT a concept. But I think that now that I've gotten my life a bit back on track the way that I want it, I'll be back with a bang (and some fanfiction. XD) so look forward to me being back~~ And OMG Christmas music. I LOVE Christmas music.
So yeah, for those of you who don't keep up with my love life, things are significantly different.
So I know a lot of you had probably seen this coming for awhile, but things with Janus and I just haven't really been that good for awhile. It's not that they've been bad or awful in any way, it's just that the feelings have kind of slipped away and we've been doing a whole lot of just going through the motions, for nearly a year at least now. And really... that wasn't fair to either of us. It wasn't fair to me, to be stuck in a relationship that I wasn't happy in, and it wasn't fair to him for me to be holding him there with the hope that things would work out when we both knew perfectly well that they weren't going to.
So that being the case, Janus and I are no longer a couple. And actually... I think we're both pretty relieved by that. I know I am. I actually feel a good deal more comfortable around him now, like I'm not having to try and pretend that things are one way when I know they're actually another. And I can tell he seems in better spirits too, which is good. We parted really amiably, and we've agreed that not only are we still real good friends, but we're staying roomies, at least until we can each figure out another living situation/July when the lease ends. Which is really nice. I might send a kitten with him when he goes. XD.
But that leads into the other thing. The new man in Neko's life. I'm sure I'll get some flak from some people about rebounds and the like, but I honestly don't see it that way. Really, Janus and I have been just roomies with slight benefits for months now, so in a way the relationship has been dead for a long time. It just never got an official funeral. Either way, I have a new one now. And really, I couldn't be happier. He makes me feel like no one else ever has. We have so much in common, and such a profound and deep connection. We can talk for hours, and I NEVER talk for hours on the phone, cept to maybe Kan-chan here and there. I just normally A. hate the phone and B. have not that much to talk about. But with Hirako... it just works. Everything works. And don't even get me started on the chemistry... XD.
I really can't remember a time when I've been this happy, this content and at peace with just everything in my world. I mean, I go through the day and I'm just grinning and smiling and giggling randomly for no reason other then the momentary thought that he exists and that he's mine. That he's coming to visit me next month, or that I'll get to talk to him later today, or whatever. And just the idea of just being NEAR him is enough to make me happy. I don't feel like I even need for us to be touching, or talking, or even anything, just to have him there beside me, like sitting on a bench at the lake watching the sunset or something, it just.... works.
I had actually stopped believing in love, at least stopped REALLY believing in it. I'd just decided that life isn't really about finding some fairytale sort of thing that makes you feel complete and perfect and like nothing in the world can touch you as long as you have it, and that all we could ever hope for was just to find something that we could learn to be content with. And now... I'm starting to believe in that again.
The only real problem is the distance. I'm in North Carolina, he's in Pennsylvania. 7 or 8 hours, that's a long time. But even though I once said I didn't think I could do distance.... it somehow doesn't seem like so much more than just a very little thing anymore. And he's the same way, wanting to give it a go in spite of the distance. And so far things are working. He cosplays Shinji (obviously), and makes such a perfect one (even has the tongue stud~). I'm going to be his Hiyori at Katsucon, and Kan-chan is going to cosplay Lisa, so we'll have a Vaizard trio to run around and hang out as. It's going to be so totally awesome, like having two of my fav. people around with me at con. The one I love, and the one who is like another sister to me. ^___^
Oh, speaking of Katsu, anyone who is still interested, we still have space in the room. Hopefully it won't be another 18-person clusterfuck like AUSA was (even though I thought that was fun. XD ), but it would be nice to have upwards of 8 or 9 in the room.
And goddammit, why the hell can't people stick with what they schedule?! They schedule their pickup for Sunday, then there's like 20 of them here TODAY. It bugs me bc yeah, it means they'e going home and I don't have to deal with it, I LIKE looking at the schedule and going "oh, there's only 5 dogs going home" and it actually only BEING 5 dogs.
Took a little mini-hiatus from the internets entirely for about a week or so after con, partially due to RL drama, but also I just felt a bit drained in regards to teh intarwebs. I know, WHAT a concept. But I think that now that I've gotten my life a bit back on track the way that I want it, I'll be back with a bang (and some fanfiction. XD) so look forward to me being back~~ And OMG Christmas music. I LOVE Christmas music.