(no subject)
Author: Tasminalice
Title: See How They Resemble, part 1.
Pairing: Emily/Naomi/Effy/OFC
Rating: M (Language, slight sexy times)
Summary:
Wondering if any of the colors
Matched any of the names we knew on the tags
A/N: First fic I ever wrote, first part. Contemplating continuing, too.
---
It'd always been there, that niggling doubt in the back of her mind. Even when she was young, she couldn't ignore that blurry feeling of difference, not for long. It stayed with her, in everything.
She hated it.
It was like a ridiculously big neon sign, she kept hidden under her metaphorical hat.
It screamed a fear of intolerance, not in the least from her family. It screamed "I'm -fucking- gay" at the top of its metaphorical lungs.
When Emily finally admitted to herself that she doesn't, and never did find boys attractive, all hell broke loose internally.
She felt like a physical facade, a mask over something real. It never was her forte, keeping secrets. And when the biggest one was breaking through, the concealment slipped.
But it didn't matter. Not at this point, anyway.
Because after so long of waiting, of hoping, trying, fantasizing, wishing and overall longing, it happened.
It wasn't quite everything she imagined, but at the same time, it was.
Her lips collided with Naomi's, chocolate, MDMA and a little bit of fear, still.
----
'It's only the drugs, right?' She's uncertain, but I'm not.
Nodding, my eyes never once leave Naomi's face. There's something there... maybe.
Crashing together again, although softer, more hungry, this time.
After pulling away, Naomi twitched her eyebrows upwards, in a way that says 'Oh.' And then begins to chew her lip, studying like an experiment. Like something that should fit, doesn't. Or the other way around, maybe.
'You liked that.' Pretending confidence I never had.
Naomi takes a deep breath, then puts on a warm smirk. She's pushed it aside, for now.
'You're gay,' winking.
Something falls into place, as she walks away. That which was never meant to fit, does.
'Yes.' I say, nearly to myself.
----
Getting up earlier than usual, I beat Katie to the shower. In a sudden burst of inspiration, I find a bit of newspaper and sellotape, and cover the keyhole.
'That should fucking stop him.' I mutter.
No surprise, a few minutes later, when there's an almost-unheard grumble on the other side of the door, and a '...bitch'.
'James!' I yell angrily. Any privacy would be nice. His footsteps clatter away quickly.
And it's also no surprise when Katie hammers on the door, another few minutes later.
'Hurry up, for fuck's sake. Danny'll be here in a minute.'
Sighing, I turn the water off. I'd barely been able to wash my hair. We needed a bathroom each. Actually, I thought, we needed a house each. It couldn't fucking wait until uni.
Katie practically runs into the shower as soon as I open the door. Her side of the bedroom is unmade, I pick her duvet off the floor and lay it out neatly on her bed, and then hunt in the shared wardrobe for something to wear. Everything looks better on her, apparently, so that doesn't leave much.
Katie doesn't greet Danny with the same enthusiasm, I notice. A quick kiss on the cheek, and then into his ridiculous car. His football banter seems less banter-like, also. Sitting in back seat never was less awkward.
-----
Waiting for Naomi on the front steps, I see nothing through the sea of people. Blondes, but not short and peroxide-ish. I don't see her, and just as the bell is about to ring for first period, I see Effy coming up, in all her heroin-chic glory. She looks tired, her make up is too perfect this morning.
'Hey.' What can you say to someone who has your life and mindset read and filed?
She only nods in return, and lights a cigarette. Watching me, she hands over the lighter, and one for me.
'She's in already.'
I'm slightly crestfallen, and nervous of the girl standing next to me. Naomi and I have strange conversation, in my book, but this is pretty fucking weird. Effy Stonem has hardly ever talked to me, apart from calling me a doormat. Watching everyone, but never having undue interest in anyone. Especially not Katie's loser twin.
'So? I'm just... Getting fresh air.' Better to lie, I think.
Effy smiles, her thin lips contort. It doesn't reach her eyes, though.
'Yeah. me too.' She knows, of course she does.
The deep azure eyes never leave my face, and for the second time in a month, I feel like an experiment, a study.
'Thanks, for this,' I gesture to the fag in my hand. 'See you in Politics, yeah?'
Effy nods again, and turns away.
A fucking strange start to the day.
----
Politics is the same, I'm staring at the back of Naomi's head, replaying the MDMA-kiss moment over and over again. By the time class ends, I'm practically salivating.
I never knew what Naomi actually did for me. It wasn't particularly her looks (although those were rather nice), or the way she talked to me (which wasn't), but, I think the way she talked to others. Ridiculous, really. I was in near-love with a girl who didn't talk to me, and basically treated me like shit. It must be a disorder of some kind.
I think it could be partly because she didn't give a fuck, whereas I did. It was a side-effect of being a walking emotional first-aid kit. I needed someone to fix, or at least to help. And Naomi always came across, in some small way, as fucked up and fucked over.
Or maybe, it was because of my reliance on Katie, and her reliance on no one. It was an inbalance thing, yes! That would be it. I love her because she needs nothing from anybody. That is what I would try to replicate, starting now.
---
She'd been crying, was the first thing I thought. Her pale eyes were rimmed with red as she made her way up the entrance steps quietly. Instead of avoiding me, like the day before, she made a beeline to where I was sitting by myself.
'What's wrong?' I ask, after a silence. Nothing's ever wrong with her, or she doesn't show it.
She stiffens up and looks away. What she was about to say died on her lips.
'Nothing,' and sniffs.
I eye her dubiously.
'Fucking hell Ems, I'm not in the mood.' It would have smarted, except her voice broke on the last syllable.
'I'm sorry, I didn't -'
'Yeah. You didn't mean it, right? Jesus.' Naomi arched her chin up, and strides into school.
'No, I didn't mean - fuck - ' Rushing, I follow her into the hallway. It's not hard, her hair stands out a mile.
'Naomi! Naomi, wait!' The noise of the crowd far outweighs my own.
At the far end of the corridor, I see her turn and begin stalking towards me. Stopping, I freak out. Her face contorted into a lot; fear and anger, predominantly.
When in front of me, she takes my hand and half drags me - half leads me into the bathroom, and, ignoring the rest of the girls with a few strange looks on their faces, locks us into a cubicle.
'Nice, um, atmosphere,' I venture.
Naomi glares in response.
'What?'
'You don't even fucking - look. Let's get this straight. At Panda's party, we were both off our faces, and we... got together. Yes?' She doesn't take a breath.
'Yes. And?'
I'm trying the whole caring less thing. It's difficult, under circumstances.
'And it didn't mean shit, yeah?'
Ouch. Eyeing her coolly, I nod.
Taking a deep breath, she turns to exit the cubicle.
'So, same time tomorrow then?' A rather decent stab at mocking, I thought.
Naomi turns, and stares me down.
'Fuck you, Emily Fitch.'
Swallowing, this new facade slips.
'Mm. Yeah well, next time bring tea and biscuits, we'll make a thing of it,' I eke out.
Another deep breath, eyes me up and down.
Naomi crosses the very small space, and presses her lips against mine. They're harder than I remember.