Mike and I
Mike and I broke up recently. I was looking back at a few of my entries and this seems to be a reoccuring theme in my life. This time it was like super final, I think. We are still talking, but he moved out and is staying out until I decide that we're ready to live together again and I think that is going to probably be a long while.
Here's what went down: Okay, so Mike moved in in January. We get engaged and we share a loan to pay for the ring, because I do not have the income and he does not have the credit to go in individually. Weeks come and go...then he finally finds a job, after we have 0 money and are basically living off of my part time pay checks. It's at mcdonalds and it's not very glorified. Whatever, it was a job. So a week or so after he gets it, I am getting ready for school and he waltzes in the door, like it is no big deal that he quit. Anyway, so more weeks go by with him sitting on his ass and not taking care of the things that he should be, and meanwhile, my anxiety is through the roof because of the financial crap, but also the fact that my house is always a mess and someone is here constantly that could help out. So, finally, he gets this interview for some job in a temp agency at 10 dollars an hour. I was all excited, because I thought it was a real prospect. So the Tuesday comes when he is supposed to have the interview and he doesn't get up to go. naturally, I throw a rampaging fit, because I still haven't figured out what is going on with the bills and where the money is going to come from to pay the shit.
We have an hour or so argument about this and he leave to go buy smokes, I think. I begin cleaning, since my house was a mess anyway. When he comes back in, we, naturally, start fighting again. Eventually, he kicks one of my glass end tables in and completly smashes the shit out of it. Then I start telling him, well yelling, that he needs to clean the glass up before the dog walks in it. After telling me no a whole bunch and basically laughing in my face, he throws me into a wall and holds me there by my throat. He lets go, because i fight back and I shove him away...Then he decides that it is necisary to break the rest of my shit. By now, I have already called my mother and my step-father is already on his way up, for fear that I would be beat the shit out of. So Mike leaves, I call the cops, the report is made, all my lamps, tables, and my tv are all broke, not to mention the mess and shambles my house is in. Greg comes up and cleans up, while Robyn and Aeriel comfort me (I called Robyn and Aeriel when I was freaking out waiting for the cop). I didnt invite them over, but they were concerned. Anyway, that day I decide that this is all over and I can't deal with this anymore.
Needless to say, I have changed my mind. I feel that moving in together was a mistake and I knew it when it happened and I should've never allowed it. I nag a lot and I expect people to understand my point of view, even if they don't agree with me and I usually push my opinions on other people. Although the breaking of shit and the domestic abuse I take no credit for, some of our relationship failing was my fault. Mike goes to Grand Rapids with a friend later in the night and calls me the next day. By now, I have decided that there will be some serious circumstances that will come along with even considering getting back together. I want him to have a life seperate from mine for awhile. I feel like because he was gone so long, I became this whole other person and I am in school, work, have my own friends, etc. He doesn't have anything going for him right now. That doesnt make me love him any less, I just feel that he needs some anger management, a car, a secure job and to pay his own bills and take care of himself for awhile. I feel like it's important to know who you are and where you intend to go with your life before you commit to someone. I realize that a lot of what I am doing is because we have been together for so long, but I want to be with him and I feel like if he would just get help and grow up a little, we could really make this work.
I may be kidding myself. We have always had problems. I realize that I cannot change someone that I am with and that is not really my goal. My main priority, whether he end up with me or not is to make sure that he becomes somebody that he can be happy with. There are quite a few things that I left out of the story above also. Mike has been suffering from hardcore depression for a little over 2 years now. It is what got him kicked out of the military, and it has played a role in our relationship downfall. I have become very obsessive compulsive about the area I live it and find it utterly rediculous that someone who is not working cannot be susy homemaker. I realize that I am not in the wrong and I am also not in the right.
I guess I am just asking for advice. Are these things important? I mean---really. I wanna know what yall thing, because I need to know if I am making a mistake banking on a man who has let me down in the past, but has incredible potential and is someone I love with all my heart. My father seems to think that waiting on him is a waste of my time, because he will never change. I feel that my expectation and the things that I am considering eventually to even consider getting back with him are very reasonable, but I was just wondering...is it a waste of time?
Here's what went down: Okay, so Mike moved in in January. We get engaged and we share a loan to pay for the ring, because I do not have the income and he does not have the credit to go in individually. Weeks come and go...then he finally finds a job, after we have 0 money and are basically living off of my part time pay checks. It's at mcdonalds and it's not very glorified. Whatever, it was a job. So a week or so after he gets it, I am getting ready for school and he waltzes in the door, like it is no big deal that he quit. Anyway, so more weeks go by with him sitting on his ass and not taking care of the things that he should be, and meanwhile, my anxiety is through the roof because of the financial crap, but also the fact that my house is always a mess and someone is here constantly that could help out. So, finally, he gets this interview for some job in a temp agency at 10 dollars an hour. I was all excited, because I thought it was a real prospect. So the Tuesday comes when he is supposed to have the interview and he doesn't get up to go. naturally, I throw a rampaging fit, because I still haven't figured out what is going on with the bills and where the money is going to come from to pay the shit.
We have an hour or so argument about this and he leave to go buy smokes, I think. I begin cleaning, since my house was a mess anyway. When he comes back in, we, naturally, start fighting again. Eventually, he kicks one of my glass end tables in and completly smashes the shit out of it. Then I start telling him, well yelling, that he needs to clean the glass up before the dog walks in it. After telling me no a whole bunch and basically laughing in my face, he throws me into a wall and holds me there by my throat. He lets go, because i fight back and I shove him away...Then he decides that it is necisary to break the rest of my shit. By now, I have already called my mother and my step-father is already on his way up, for fear that I would be beat the shit out of. So Mike leaves, I call the cops, the report is made, all my lamps, tables, and my tv are all broke, not to mention the mess and shambles my house is in. Greg comes up and cleans up, while Robyn and Aeriel comfort me (I called Robyn and Aeriel when I was freaking out waiting for the cop). I didnt invite them over, but they were concerned. Anyway, that day I decide that this is all over and I can't deal with this anymore.
Needless to say, I have changed my mind. I feel that moving in together was a mistake and I knew it when it happened and I should've never allowed it. I nag a lot and I expect people to understand my point of view, even if they don't agree with me and I usually push my opinions on other people. Although the breaking of shit and the domestic abuse I take no credit for, some of our relationship failing was my fault. Mike goes to Grand Rapids with a friend later in the night and calls me the next day. By now, I have decided that there will be some serious circumstances that will come along with even considering getting back together. I want him to have a life seperate from mine for awhile. I feel like because he was gone so long, I became this whole other person and I am in school, work, have my own friends, etc. He doesn't have anything going for him right now. That doesnt make me love him any less, I just feel that he needs some anger management, a car, a secure job and to pay his own bills and take care of himself for awhile. I feel like it's important to know who you are and where you intend to go with your life before you commit to someone. I realize that a lot of what I am doing is because we have been together for so long, but I want to be with him and I feel like if he would just get help and grow up a little, we could really make this work.
I may be kidding myself. We have always had problems. I realize that I cannot change someone that I am with and that is not really my goal. My main priority, whether he end up with me or not is to make sure that he becomes somebody that he can be happy with. There are quite a few things that I left out of the story above also. Mike has been suffering from hardcore depression for a little over 2 years now. It is what got him kicked out of the military, and it has played a role in our relationship downfall. I have become very obsessive compulsive about the area I live it and find it utterly rediculous that someone who is not working cannot be susy homemaker. I realize that I am not in the wrong and I am also not in the right.
I guess I am just asking for advice. Are these things important? I mean---really. I wanna know what yall thing, because I need to know if I am making a mistake banking on a man who has let me down in the past, but has incredible potential and is someone I love with all my heart. My father seems to think that waiting on him is a waste of my time, because he will never change. I feel that my expectation and the things that I am considering eventually to even consider getting back with him are very reasonable, but I was just wondering...is it a waste of time?