(no subject)
My mother just reamed me out for dragging her into problem-solving conversations at twelve-thirty at night and for being too negative, because she's really exhausted and burned out, which I totally get. Then, predictably, I cry. Then she calls back and appologizes for taking things out on me, which makes me feel slightly better and less like a selfish, negative person. Then she reiterates, again, as if I didn't understand the first time, that she doesn't want to have problem-solving conversations at twelve-thirty at night, which kind of takes most of the appology away. Then, and this just takes the fucking cake, she asks me if my fridge is working. I don't know if it is or isn't, but I had left that out of the conversation because I knew she was tired and couldn't handle all of my drama. Which is fine. She shouldn't have to. I'm an adult. But I also don't think I need to have to worry about editing myself during every conversation. Whatever. It really scares me how upset these conversations still make me. I just cry and cry and can't stop. It's actually gotten worse. Maybe I'm just stressed from the move but I don't think that's entirely it. I just think I feel guilty for overburdening her. It's almost like she resents being our mother, and in moments of anger like this, she makes that clear, and I know that the next day all of that resentment will go away, but in the moment it *hurts*. I need to find a good fic to lose myself in so I can stop thinking about this.