I SURRENDER
Ok so all in all everything in my life is great except for one huge thing that is ruining the rest of my life. I love his stupid face and his bad breath and his BO. I miss his embellished, stories and mostly his touch. I would die for another kiss (and I would love a nice long romp in the bedroom). All things I can't have. Every time I think about him I cry, I numb my feelings with pot and alcohol. My cat gives me some of the love and attention that he doesn't. The really sad part is he barely calls me and the calls rarely last over 5-10 minutes. He never writes me online yet his sister works at an internet cafe. I love everything about him, yet I know I deserve to be treated better. All he does is hurt me, but I don't want anyone else. I think I should leave him, but I love him and want to stay and wait for him. There is this scared disgusting pit in my stomach that knows he is slowly forgetting his feelings for me and soon he will cheat on me and things really will be over. It is my worst nightmare, soon to come true. He is so distant when I hear his voice and he doesn't laugh at my jokes anymore. I would do anything to spend one last day with him...I don't know if I ever will see him again. I don't have the heart to end it and I know if I do he will quickly move on and the call will stop all together. Maybe that is best, but I fear what I will do. I know how I have reacted in the past to heartbreak and despair. I don't want to hurt myself, but I can't even imagine life without him. I have no control, I have no hope, I surrender.