I really have no idea what to put here.
Well, I've broken up with the bf.
It's really not all that surprising or anything. It's been a long time coming. We've been on and off again for the last year, really.
I actually saw an old friend the other day, and she asked me if I still had a boyfriend (when I did). She was surprised. She even stated that she really liked him (they had met once), but was just stunned that I was still with him.
Am I not allowed to have success in intra-personal relationships? Am I just "too much of a feminist" to be with some guy ('cause of the cultural stereotypes about feminists being either lesbians or man-haters or both)?
I don't get it.
And back to the actual break-up thing. It's weird. It's definitely strange to have surrounded myself with this person--who I did care very much about--for about two years, and now, to have them carved from my life. It's jarring. He was the person I called when I had good news, bad news, or just some random comment to say.
I really liked having someone like that in my life. I had really never even had that before. (This might be 'cause I have not dated anyone but him since I was 17). I feel like I'm playing into this heterosexist paradigm of relationships by even being sappy. I am just going to miss him. I hope that it is irrelevant that he's a boy and I'm a girl.
I'm feeling mindless today. I keep telling myself that it's not affecting me, but obviously it is. It just came out of left field, this time. I just can't get over the insecurity and emotion linked to the idea that there's someone I truly care about that doesn't want to be with me. In that respect, it doesn't matter to me that we've grown apart--that neither of us can be what the other needs or desires or that the relationship really was not working. I just want him to want me.
Okay, that's enough of my emo-ramblings. I just needed to decompress a little.
It's really not all that surprising or anything. It's been a long time coming. We've been on and off again for the last year, really.
I actually saw an old friend the other day, and she asked me if I still had a boyfriend (when I did). She was surprised. She even stated that she really liked him (they had met once), but was just stunned that I was still with him.
Am I not allowed to have success in intra-personal relationships? Am I just "too much of a feminist" to be with some guy ('cause of the cultural stereotypes about feminists being either lesbians or man-haters or both)?
I don't get it.
And back to the actual break-up thing. It's weird. It's definitely strange to have surrounded myself with this person--who I did care very much about--for about two years, and now, to have them carved from my life. It's jarring. He was the person I called when I had good news, bad news, or just some random comment to say.
I really liked having someone like that in my life. I had really never even had that before. (This might be 'cause I have not dated anyone but him since I was 17). I feel like I'm playing into this heterosexist paradigm of relationships by even being sappy. I am just going to miss him. I hope that it is irrelevant that he's a boy and I'm a girl.
I'm feeling mindless today. I keep telling myself that it's not affecting me, but obviously it is. It just came out of left field, this time. I just can't get over the insecurity and emotion linked to the idea that there's someone I truly care about that doesn't want to be with me. In that respect, it doesn't matter to me that we've grown apart--that neither of us can be what the other needs or desires or that the relationship really was not working. I just want him to want me.
Okay, that's enough of my emo-ramblings. I just needed to decompress a little.