Severus Snape, I want to speak with you immediately.

[tart_in_tartan]

I have compiled a list of some of the alarming events that have taken place at Hogwarts recently:

Miss Patil's undergarments 'mysteriously' turned a Slytherin green.

Miss Chang reported some sort of perverted watcher in the Head Girl's lavatory.

Professor Flitwick's stepstool mysteriously disappeared.

Mr. Diggory's casket was vandalised,

Comments

[shouldteachdada]

Oh, what is it, Minerva?

[tart_in_tartan]

Oh, honestly, Severus, it certainly took you long enough to reply.

Do you think you can tear yourself away from Remus long enough to remember that you are a professor at this school?

[shouldteachdada]

Of course I remember that I am a professor here, Minerva.

What do you want? I am rather busy.

[tart_in_tartan]

Admiring your shiny new ring is hardly more important than the welfare of the students, Severus.

[shouldteachdada]

I am certain the students are all quite fine.

[tart_in_tartan]

They most definitely are not fine. There is something going on here, and you would realise that if you had bothered to read this list.

Students and staff have been attacked, had their property stolen, and property has been damaged. Students from every house except Slytherin.

That is not 'fine' at all.

[shouldteachdada]

Really, Minerva, this is Hogwarts. You've been here since the founders' time. For Salazar's sake, you should realise by now that there is always something going on.

Your little theory appears to have a hole in it. If you would read your own list, you would notice that my own laptop was tampered with. Slytherin house has not been unaffected by these occurrances.

[tart_in_tartan]

Indeed, it was. As I recall, the tampering occurred while your laptop was in the dungeons. In Slytherin.

I do believe that mends the hole in that theory. Something is going on and I will get to the bottom of it.

I have NOT been here since the founders' time. I am youthful enough to still recall how it feels to be a young girl in love. Tell me, Severus, after Remus carries your books to class, do you find yourself doodling "Severus + Remus" in the margins of your textbooks?

[shouldteachdada]

Oh, shut up, Minerva.

[tart_in_tartan]

"Severus Snape-Lupin luvs Remus Lupin-Snape"?

[shouldteachdada]

Witch.

[tart_in_tartan]

It takes one to know one, Sevviepoo.