(no subject)
Once in a while something will bother me enough to force me to document my feelings.
It is when issues come to a head, that i need to project.
I am very bothered with my inability to become close to people. I want to crawl inside of everyone and learn new ways to feel. but as of now. i am married. i am the "shadow girlfriend".
i am afraid of breaking rules.
it is as if being with duke is "upholding the law".
i am afraid of the skittish nature of new relationships.
it is so very easy to retreat and still remain yourself.
i am afraid of running this house by myself. waking up alone. sleeping in all day while im scheduled for school, work.
i am also afraid of who i will become if he is my only experience. i want to know what others are talking about. and i want to talk and talk about it all night. its what we do best. argue replaced by talk.
i should be writing a fucking hamlet essay. but my content on it is shit. i dont know what aspect to write about.
i also have a major math test tomorrow morning. and even with cris's offer of help, i dont think it would do much good. i will fail yet another uncredited math class.
i need to wake up and get out.
try something new.
It is when issues come to a head, that i need to project.
I am very bothered with my inability to become close to people. I want to crawl inside of everyone and learn new ways to feel. but as of now. i am married. i am the "shadow girlfriend".
i am afraid of breaking rules.
it is as if being with duke is "upholding the law".
i am afraid of the skittish nature of new relationships.
it is so very easy to retreat and still remain yourself.
i am afraid of running this house by myself. waking up alone. sleeping in all day while im scheduled for school, work.
i am also afraid of who i will become if he is my only experience. i want to know what others are talking about. and i want to talk and talk about it all night. its what we do best. argue replaced by talk.
i should be writing a fucking hamlet essay. but my content on it is shit. i dont know what aspect to write about.
i also have a major math test tomorrow morning. and even with cris's offer of help, i dont think it would do much good. i will fail yet another uncredited math class.
i need to wake up and get out.
try something new.