Kivi the Emo is Depressed
It's been a long and pretty uncool week. And I've been in a glum mood like, the whole time.
I don't know what in the world I want. When Laura goes off having fun without me I feel left out, but if I'm invited I feel like its only because she feels like she has to, or they feel sorry for me. I want to hang out more with people, but when I do I wish I was at home doing something else. Like sleeping. I want to go back to the States, but I don't want to leave Japan. Or I do want to leave here, but I know I'll miss it more than I feel like I will. I want to find a nice guy like everyone else does, but I think I sort of give off a "not interested in anyone" vibe for some reason and I don't know how to fix that. But at the same time, I'm only interested in one someone really, dating around doesn't appeal to me, and I'm pretty picky. So basically nothing is going anywhere; I want something that I am trying to avoid? I don't even get it. Sometimes I think I'm like the most indecisive and hard-to-figure-out person in the world.
Plus I have no clue what to do in terms of college and career and future! I think I'm losing in life miserably at the moment.
So ends Kivi's first really depressing Livejournal post.
I don't know what in the world I want. When Laura goes off having fun without me I feel left out, but if I'm invited I feel like its only because she feels like she has to, or they feel sorry for me. I want to hang out more with people, but when I do I wish I was at home doing something else. Like sleeping. I want to go back to the States, but I don't want to leave Japan. Or I do want to leave here, but I know I'll miss it more than I feel like I will. I want to find a nice guy like everyone else does, but I think I sort of give off a "not interested in anyone" vibe for some reason and I don't know how to fix that. But at the same time, I'm only interested in one someone really, dating around doesn't appeal to me, and I'm pretty picky. So basically nothing is going anywhere; I want something that I am trying to avoid? I don't even get it. Sometimes I think I'm like the most indecisive and hard-to-figure-out person in the world.
Plus I have no clue what to do in terms of college and career and future! I think I'm losing in life miserably at the moment.
So ends Kivi's first really depressing Livejournal post.