'sparing people's feelings'
So, I just had a random thought. That thought is that the idea of 'sparing someone's feelings' by not being blunt about something difficult is inherently a selfish thing.
I say this because, basically.. this sort of situation tends to cover a traumatic or otherwise difficult revelation; and generally, it happens because the speaker just doesn't want to have to be the one to tell the person that particular fact. Think about it, does 'sparing someone's feelings' change the fact that you don't want to go out with him/her, that you're sleeping with someone else or that their relative has passed away? Eventually the person is going to find out, but you don't have to be there to deal with their anger, resentment or grief. All in all its pretty cowardly.
So here's the thing I propose. If you have something hard to tell someone, get some balls (or other similar courage source) and tell them; *that* is the kind and generous thing. The sooner someone knows (and can confront) a difficult topic, the sooner they will get over it.
Of course, there are some exceptions to the rule, but I suggest that people really look at why they're trying to spare the person the pain; is it because they seem particularly fragile emotionally at the moment or is it because *you* don't want to have to feel awful for being the bearer of bad tidings?
I say this because, basically.. this sort of situation tends to cover a traumatic or otherwise difficult revelation; and generally, it happens because the speaker just doesn't want to have to be the one to tell the person that particular fact. Think about it, does 'sparing someone's feelings' change the fact that you don't want to go out with him/her, that you're sleeping with someone else or that their relative has passed away? Eventually the person is going to find out, but you don't have to be there to deal with their anger, resentment or grief. All in all its pretty cowardly.
So here's the thing I propose. If you have something hard to tell someone, get some balls (or other similar courage source) and tell them; *that* is the kind and generous thing. The sooner someone knows (and can confront) a difficult topic, the sooner they will get over it.
Of course, there are some exceptions to the rule, but I suggest that people really look at why they're trying to spare the person the pain; is it because they seem particularly fragile emotionally at the moment or is it because *you* don't want to have to feel awful for being the bearer of bad tidings?