Le carnaval de mon desespoir
Okay, so the big story:
My mom and I went to the county fair last weekend, and....... it was terrible. My first clue should have been that it was in the middle of nowhere.
My mom parks the car in their "parking lot". (In other words, a mud hole, and it wasn't even raining. It was hot. That's sad.) We walk toward the ferris wheel and see a chain link fence. Apparently, you can't get in this way, so we walk across a vast, rocky terrain, filled with untold dangers, such as rocks and a wooden board connecting one side of a ditch to another. (This is true. My mom and I had to walk across it. It was creaky.)
Finally, we reach the entrance, and there's some lady in a booth there. We walk up to her, and she says, "That'll be eight dollars." My mom goes, "Huh? I thought it was free." She says, "It's free for students; it's eight dollars for adults." My mom and I contemplate this. Me, being the eternal cheapskate say that we don't have to go, if Mom doesn't want to. Mom says that since we drove all the way down here, we might as well go, and we can split the cost. I agree. We turn to give the lady the money, and she says, "Oh, just go on in." Okay...the old lady hooked us up. We pocket our money and go in.
There's this stupid little sign that says: Rodeo to the right, park to the left. Mom says she wants to see the cows, so we turn right. For some reason, this area is quite a bit hotter than anywhere else, even though they've all been outside, but there's no time to think, as Mom is off on her mission for cows. We pass by quite a few empty booths with "witty" slogans on them. (Think 'Yall's Texas Store.') It is suspiciously quiet for a rodeo. We walk around some more and see a 'restaurant' (booth with food). There is a sign that says 'Try our hot cooker'. Um, no thanks. Here, we see the only living beings within a 100 yard radius. They are cooking some sort of meat. Apparently, the only cows at this "rodeo" are dead, so Mom and I decide to go to the amusement park.
We decide to look around before doing anything. We see a few rides, quite a few 'fun houses', some games of skill and chance, one million turkey leg stands, blah, blah, etc. Anyway, we decide to buy some tickets for the rides. We see three ticket booths all lined up, so we start to walk over there. Suddenly, I realize, "Holy crap! Those lines go on forever!"
We're standing right next to a turkey leg and lemonade stand, so we decide to buy some lemonade instead. The lemonade is pretty expensive, so we get a small. When we get it, there's half a lemon floating in it. Apparently, it's home made. I take a sip and decide that that half a lemon is the only flavoring she put in it. It's terrible and diluted and nasty. We drink it pretty quickly anyway, though, because it's hot and we're thirsty.
We decide to play a game, so I pick the popping balloons with darts one. It cost two dollars for one dart. What a rip-off, huh? I play anyway and pop the balloon, and I win......Willy the Wonder Worm. This is really his name. In other words, it's a red tube with sticker eyes that fall off as soon as I touch them. Yay.
Then some guy attracts our attention, and we decide to play his game. He says it's ten dollars for both of us, and if one of us wins, both of us get a big prize. Mom says that's too much and talks him down to 5 dollars for both of us. Go mom! It's this game where you have to throw two baseballs in a basket, but the basket is made to throw them out. So we play, and both of mom's bounce out. One of mine gets in, but the other bounces off the rim, so we both lose. Oh well, it was worth it to see my mother barter with a carnie.
Then we play some roulette game for 25 cents, and, of course, we lose that, too. Then we play this fishing game, and I win a butterfly with no head. Yay. But at least he matches Willy. At this point, I've spent 11 dollars and I'm ready to go home. So I gather up my bug toys and (what's left of) my dignity and begin the long hike back to the car.
Okay, so that's a pretty horrible story, but at least we can get a lesson out of it. And that is: Never go to the county fair, ever.
The end.
My mom and I went to the county fair last weekend, and....... it was terrible. My first clue should have been that it was in the middle of nowhere.
My mom parks the car in their "parking lot". (In other words, a mud hole, and it wasn't even raining. It was hot. That's sad.) We walk toward the ferris wheel and see a chain link fence. Apparently, you can't get in this way, so we walk across a vast, rocky terrain, filled with untold dangers, such as rocks and a wooden board connecting one side of a ditch to another. (This is true. My mom and I had to walk across it. It was creaky.)
Finally, we reach the entrance, and there's some lady in a booth there. We walk up to her, and she says, "That'll be eight dollars." My mom goes, "Huh? I thought it was free." She says, "It's free for students; it's eight dollars for adults." My mom and I contemplate this. Me, being the eternal cheapskate say that we don't have to go, if Mom doesn't want to. Mom says that since we drove all the way down here, we might as well go, and we can split the cost. I agree. We turn to give the lady the money, and she says, "Oh, just go on in." Okay...the old lady hooked us up. We pocket our money and go in.
There's this stupid little sign that says: Rodeo to the right, park to the left. Mom says she wants to see the cows, so we turn right. For some reason, this area is quite a bit hotter than anywhere else, even though they've all been outside, but there's no time to think, as Mom is off on her mission for cows. We pass by quite a few empty booths with "witty" slogans on them. (Think 'Yall's Texas Store.') It is suspiciously quiet for a rodeo. We walk around some more and see a 'restaurant' (booth with food). There is a sign that says 'Try our hot cooker'. Um, no thanks. Here, we see the only living beings within a 100 yard radius. They are cooking some sort of meat. Apparently, the only cows at this "rodeo" are dead, so Mom and I decide to go to the amusement park.
We decide to look around before doing anything. We see a few rides, quite a few 'fun houses', some games of skill and chance, one million turkey leg stands, blah, blah, etc. Anyway, we decide to buy some tickets for the rides. We see three ticket booths all lined up, so we start to walk over there. Suddenly, I realize, "Holy crap! Those lines go on forever!"
We're standing right next to a turkey leg and lemonade stand, so we decide to buy some lemonade instead. The lemonade is pretty expensive, so we get a small. When we get it, there's half a lemon floating in it. Apparently, it's home made. I take a sip and decide that that half a lemon is the only flavoring she put in it. It's terrible and diluted and nasty. We drink it pretty quickly anyway, though, because it's hot and we're thirsty.
We decide to play a game, so I pick the popping balloons with darts one. It cost two dollars for one dart. What a rip-off, huh? I play anyway and pop the balloon, and I win......Willy the Wonder Worm. This is really his name. In other words, it's a red tube with sticker eyes that fall off as soon as I touch them. Yay.
Then some guy attracts our attention, and we decide to play his game. He says it's ten dollars for both of us, and if one of us wins, both of us get a big prize. Mom says that's too much and talks him down to 5 dollars for both of us. Go mom! It's this game where you have to throw two baseballs in a basket, but the basket is made to throw them out. So we play, and both of mom's bounce out. One of mine gets in, but the other bounces off the rim, so we both lose. Oh well, it was worth it to see my mother barter with a carnie.
Then we play some roulette game for 25 cents, and, of course, we lose that, too. Then we play this fishing game, and I win a butterfly with no head. Yay. But at least he matches Willy. At this point, I've spent 11 dollars and I'm ready to go home. So I gather up my bug toys and (what's left of) my dignity and begin the long hike back to the car.
Okay, so that's a pretty horrible story, but at least we can get a lesson out of it. And that is: Never go to the county fair, ever.
The end.