(no subject)
God it's been forever............so for my own personal need lets see what has happened in the last three months....
-went to Kit and Anna's wedding
-spoke to Justin
-met my ex's new girlfriend (who is 5 years younger than him and the same age of the chick he was with when we got together....don't do the math again Kathryn....it will kill you)
-Tommy got into a car accident
-new job
-raise
-old people hate me and my family
-had a 33 yr old man tell me that I shouldn't wear holy jeans and that purple hair just wasn't me.........i of course became enraged and then promptly forgave him......because...well...that's me
Ive been thinking about myself and relationships lately...I mean I think all most of us want is someone to spend some time with....to not be so lonely.....companionship...and maybe a little understanding......perhaps intimacy.......and I think I am addicted to unavailable men and men who hurt me......but how did I get this way? you know psychologists say that we go after that which is comfortable...even if what is comfortable is completely disfunctional/abusive/hurtful. It's easier to pick something comfortable than something totally foreign. Easier and less scary than the foreign and unknown. But how fucked up is that?
Sometimes I think there is something really wrong...something inside me that I haven't figured out yet.....something that will come up at the worst possible moment and things will fall apart the way they did 3 years ago........i quit school....and spent 6 months in my bedroom and sitting in front of the tv....just staring at it....I don't even remember what was on......just staring at it......trying not to feel anything.......I sat in justin's shower...totally clothed...with the cold water on and the door locked....screaming........screaming at the wall.
I need to start drawing again...............it's been years......and I feel like I have all of this locked inside me....and it's just waiting to spill over.
sigh...i have to get some sleep......
-went to Kit and Anna's wedding
-spoke to Justin
-met my ex's new girlfriend (who is 5 years younger than him and the same age of the chick he was with when we got together....don't do the math again Kathryn....it will kill you)
-Tommy got into a car accident
-new job
-raise
-old people hate me and my family
-had a 33 yr old man tell me that I shouldn't wear holy jeans and that purple hair just wasn't me.........i of course became enraged and then promptly forgave him......because...well...that's me
Ive been thinking about myself and relationships lately...I mean I think all most of us want is someone to spend some time with....to not be so lonely.....companionship...and maybe a little understanding......perhaps intimacy.......and I think I am addicted to unavailable men and men who hurt me......but how did I get this way? you know psychologists say that we go after that which is comfortable...even if what is comfortable is completely disfunctional/abusive/hurtful. It's easier to pick something comfortable than something totally foreign. Easier and less scary than the foreign and unknown. But how fucked up is that?
Sometimes I think there is something really wrong...something inside me that I haven't figured out yet.....something that will come up at the worst possible moment and things will fall apart the way they did 3 years ago........i quit school....and spent 6 months in my bedroom and sitting in front of the tv....just staring at it....I don't even remember what was on......just staring at it......trying not to feel anything.......I sat in justin's shower...totally clothed...with the cold water on and the door locked....screaming........screaming at the wall.
I need to start drawing again...............it's been years......and I feel like I have all of this locked inside me....and it's just waiting to spill over.
sigh...i have to get some sleep......