RSVP
RSVP
Are there a worse four letters in the world?
It’s only been four months. Four months since Arthur ripped out Merlin’s heart and stomped it into the ground. Who decides to get married that fast?
What sort of an insensitive prick would invite his ex to his wedding? Does Arthur somehow think that Merlin has no feelings? That is won’t feel like someone is ripping his heart out to watch the love of his life marry his best friend?
Who is he kidding. Arthur wouldn’t have been the one to organise this, he’d have left it all to Gwen. Lovely, kind, sweet, considerate Gwen. And oh, wouldn’t this have all been so much easier if Arthur had just decided to marry someone Merlin could hate, like that Sophia girl he used to date - an evil conniving little witch who cared about no one but herself. But no, he had to pick someone too nice for words. Merlin could no more hate Gwen than he could hate his own mother.
It’s still Arthur’s fault, though. It was Arthur who always insisted on keeping them secret. A rule that meant Merlin had no one to turn to when Arthur decided they should break up - just as he has no one to turn to now. Poor Gwen doesn’t even realise the heartache her invitation has caused, it would destroy her to find out how Arthur had treated him, and Merlin doesn’t have it in him to destroy Gwen.
Of course, it’s Merlin’s fault really. Merlin let Arthur treat him like this. What sort of an idiot lets some treat them like nothing? Worse that nothing. A guilty, dirty, shameful secret. If Merlin had anything even approaching self-respect, he wouldn’t have let this happen. Who wastes three years of their life on a man who is ashamed to be seen with them?
RSVP
The words stare back at him, mocking him.
He has to go. He can’t think of a good excuse not to.
“Merlin, we were wondering, how would you feel about being Arthur’s best man?” Gwen is looking so hopeful and happy. She clearly expects Merlin to be delighted at the offer and say yes straight away. Arthur, on the other hand, is staring down at his pint like he wants to drown himself in it.
“Oh. Er… surely Leon has known Arthur longer? And he’s so much more organised than me…”
Gwen looks a little hurt at his rejection. A small frown mark appears between her eyebrows and she purses her lips. “But you and Arthur used to be so close.”
Merlin can’t meet her eye. She has no clue how true her words are, and that is exactly why it would be so wrong for him to be Arthur’s best man. If he can think of a good excuse, he won’t be going to this wedding at all, let alone being best man.
He looks at Arthur, who is still staring into the depths of his pint of Jail Ale as though it were indeed a jail sentence . “I think if Arthur wanted me to be his best man, he would have asked me himself. Besides, I’m supposed to be going to New York to visit a friend in June.”
Arthur’s head snaps up then. “Who do you know in New York?”
“Someone from Uni, no one you know. What does it matter to you anyway.”
“You’re not coming to our wedding?” Damn it. Gwen sounds so hurt, he can’t do this! It’s like kicking a kitten.
“I, er… I might be able to get out of it… possibly.” There is a very real possibility that Gwen is actually an evil genius who always gets her own way. “But, you know, it depends if I can get my money back on my plane ticket, so I don’t think it would be a good idea to commit to being best man when I don’t know if I can be there.” He’s pretty sure his face is bright red by now, and he might as well have ‘LIAR’ written in big neon letters above his head. “You could always ask Lance,” he finishes, feebly.
“I hardly think asking my ex to be best man at my wedding is a good idea!” Gwen looks shocked that he’s even suggest it. He can’t blame her.
“It’s fine, I’ll ask Leon.” Arthur looks relieved. Clearly spending time with Merlin these days is a fate worse than death. “Just… don’t tell him he didn’t get asked first, yeah?”
Merlin concentrates on draining his own pint and making his excuses. He has to get out of the pub right now. He can’t bare to be around any happy couples at the moment, especially not this one.
“We had a fight. I think the wedding might be off. I think Arthur’s seeing someone else.”
Merlin’s head snaps up and he finds himself staring at Gwen, mouth hanging open. Arthur’s seeing someone else? It’s certainly not him!
“Arthur wouldn’t…” Arthur would. Merlin is living proof of that. Arthur most certainly would. Arthur is apparently exactly the sort who would tell you he loves you and then callously go off with someone else.
His mind is racing. First him, now Gwen - could Arthur really be like this? Could he really have got him so wrong? Sure, Arthur can be a massive prat, but underneath it all, Merlin had thought him kind, generous, caring…
“How do you know? Are you sure?” He is inexplicably upset by this. In theory, he should want them to call off the wedding. He should want Gwen to go back to Lance, let him have Arthur. But he can’t. He can’t want that, because then Arthur is not the person he thought he was…
She shakes her head. “I have no proof, it’s just a feeling. His heart is not in it.” She slowly and methodically starts to peel the label from the bottle of beer in front of her.
Eventually, she sighs and looks up at him. “It all seems to be happening so fast, Merlin. Only a year ago I was happy with Lance.”
“You don’t want to marry Arthur?” He tries to keep the hope out of his voice. Whatever else, Gwen and Arthur are his friends. He doesn’t want either of them hurt.
“No… not exactly. I don’t know. I love Arthur. I just…” She pushes a stray curl out of her eyes. “I just… I really thought Lance was the one, you know?”
“And Arthur isn’t?”
“I do love him. It’s just… there’s not that same… spark. With Lance, everything just seemed so right, so… passionate.”
“It’s not passionate with Arthur?” It had always been passionate between the two of them. Passion and fire and romance.
“It’s… nice.”
It would be so easy for Merlin to push his own agenda here, persuade her to go back to Lance, be there to pick up the pieces of Arthur’s broken heart. He can’t do that, it’s just not who he is. “You could do worse, you know. Than Arthur.”
She studies him for a long moment. “He is in love with someone else, isn’t he, Merlin? Someone who loves him back?”
He meets her eyes but can’t answer.
“Why? Tell me why, please. If he is in love with you, why is he marrying me?”
“If you are in love with Lance, why are you marrying Arthur?” he counters.
“Lance left. You are still here.”
“We’re not together. Not any more. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“No. But you nearly let me marry someone you knew didn’t love me.”
“He does love you.”
“He loves you, Merlin. The more I think about it, the more obvious it is. Was it the gay thing? I know what Uther’s like, coming out will be hard for Arthur.”
Merlin nods. “Pretty much.”
She stands. “I think I have some thinking to do.” She picks up her bag and turns to leave.
“Gwen, wait. I’m sure Arthur cares for you, he’s a good man, he wouldn’t have asked you to marry him if he didn’t love you.”
She gives him a small sad smile. “I believe you. I think Arthur does love me, just as I love him. And I think we could make it work, for a while at least. But he’s not in love with me. Nor I with him.”
“But-”
“I’m going to talk to Lance. I think I owe it to myself to be happy. As do you. Be happy, Merlin. Fight for him. Don’t let him be an idiot all his life.”
She comes back over and presses a small kiss to his cheek before walking out of the pub without looking back. He he has a horrible feeling he just lost his friend.
Are there a worse four letters in the world?
It’s only been four months. Four months since Arthur ripped out Merlin’s heart and stomped it into the ground. Who decides to get married that fast?
What sort of an insensitive prick would invite his ex to his wedding? Does Arthur somehow think that Merlin has no feelings? That is won’t feel like someone is ripping his heart out to watch the love of his life marry his best friend?
Who is he kidding. Arthur wouldn’t have been the one to organise this, he’d have left it all to Gwen. Lovely, kind, sweet, considerate Gwen. And oh, wouldn’t this have all been so much easier if Arthur had just decided to marry someone Merlin could hate, like that Sophia girl he used to date - an evil conniving little witch who cared about no one but herself. But no, he had to pick someone too nice for words. Merlin could no more hate Gwen than he could hate his own mother.
It’s still Arthur’s fault, though. It was Arthur who always insisted on keeping them secret. A rule that meant Merlin had no one to turn to when Arthur decided they should break up - just as he has no one to turn to now. Poor Gwen doesn’t even realise the heartache her invitation has caused, it would destroy her to find out how Arthur had treated him, and Merlin doesn’t have it in him to destroy Gwen.
Of course, it’s Merlin’s fault really. Merlin let Arthur treat him like this. What sort of an idiot lets some treat them like nothing? Worse that nothing. A guilty, dirty, shameful secret. If Merlin had anything even approaching self-respect, he wouldn’t have let this happen. Who wastes three years of their life on a man who is ashamed to be seen with them?
RSVP
The words stare back at him, mocking him.
He has to go. He can’t think of a good excuse not to.
“Merlin, we were wondering, how would you feel about being Arthur’s best man?” Gwen is looking so hopeful and happy. She clearly expects Merlin to be delighted at the offer and say yes straight away. Arthur, on the other hand, is staring down at his pint like he wants to drown himself in it.
“Oh. Er… surely Leon has known Arthur longer? And he’s so much more organised than me…”
Gwen looks a little hurt at his rejection. A small frown mark appears between her eyebrows and she purses her lips. “But you and Arthur used to be so close.”
Merlin can’t meet her eye. She has no clue how true her words are, and that is exactly why it would be so wrong for him to be Arthur’s best man. If he can think of a good excuse, he won’t be going to this wedding at all, let alone being best man.
He looks at Arthur, who is still staring into the depths of his pint of Jail Ale as though it were indeed a jail sentence . “I think if Arthur wanted me to be his best man, he would have asked me himself. Besides, I’m supposed to be going to New York to visit a friend in June.”
Arthur’s head snaps up then. “Who do you know in New York?”
“Someone from Uni, no one you know. What does it matter to you anyway.”
“You’re not coming to our wedding?” Damn it. Gwen sounds so hurt, he can’t do this! It’s like kicking a kitten.
“I, er… I might be able to get out of it… possibly.” There is a very real possibility that Gwen is actually an evil genius who always gets her own way. “But, you know, it depends if I can get my money back on my plane ticket, so I don’t think it would be a good idea to commit to being best man when I don’t know if I can be there.” He’s pretty sure his face is bright red by now, and he might as well have ‘LIAR’ written in big neon letters above his head. “You could always ask Lance,” he finishes, feebly.
“I hardly think asking my ex to be best man at my wedding is a good idea!” Gwen looks shocked that he’s even suggest it. He can’t blame her.
“It’s fine, I’ll ask Leon.” Arthur looks relieved. Clearly spending time with Merlin these days is a fate worse than death. “Just… don’t tell him he didn’t get asked first, yeah?”
Merlin concentrates on draining his own pint and making his excuses. He has to get out of the pub right now. He can’t bare to be around any happy couples at the moment, especially not this one.
“We had a fight. I think the wedding might be off. I think Arthur’s seeing someone else.”
Merlin’s head snaps up and he finds himself staring at Gwen, mouth hanging open. Arthur’s seeing someone else? It’s certainly not him!
“Arthur wouldn’t…” Arthur would. Merlin is living proof of that. Arthur most certainly would. Arthur is apparently exactly the sort who would tell you he loves you and then callously go off with someone else.
His mind is racing. First him, now Gwen - could Arthur really be like this? Could he really have got him so wrong? Sure, Arthur can be a massive prat, but underneath it all, Merlin had thought him kind, generous, caring…
“How do you know? Are you sure?” He is inexplicably upset by this. In theory, he should want them to call off the wedding. He should want Gwen to go back to Lance, let him have Arthur. But he can’t. He can’t want that, because then Arthur is not the person he thought he was…
She shakes her head. “I have no proof, it’s just a feeling. His heart is not in it.” She slowly and methodically starts to peel the label from the bottle of beer in front of her.
Eventually, she sighs and looks up at him. “It all seems to be happening so fast, Merlin. Only a year ago I was happy with Lance.”
“You don’t want to marry Arthur?” He tries to keep the hope out of his voice. Whatever else, Gwen and Arthur are his friends. He doesn’t want either of them hurt.
“No… not exactly. I don’t know. I love Arthur. I just…” She pushes a stray curl out of her eyes. “I just… I really thought Lance was the one, you know?”
“And Arthur isn’t?”
“I do love him. It’s just… there’s not that same… spark. With Lance, everything just seemed so right, so… passionate.”
“It’s not passionate with Arthur?” It had always been passionate between the two of them. Passion and fire and romance.
“It’s… nice.”
It would be so easy for Merlin to push his own agenda here, persuade her to go back to Lance, be there to pick up the pieces of Arthur’s broken heart. He can’t do that, it’s just not who he is. “You could do worse, you know. Than Arthur.”
She studies him for a long moment. “He is in love with someone else, isn’t he, Merlin? Someone who loves him back?”
He meets her eyes but can’t answer.
“Why? Tell me why, please. If he is in love with you, why is he marrying me?”
“If you are in love with Lance, why are you marrying Arthur?” he counters.
“Lance left. You are still here.”
“We’re not together. Not any more. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“No. But you nearly let me marry someone you knew didn’t love me.”
“He does love you.”
“He loves you, Merlin. The more I think about it, the more obvious it is. Was it the gay thing? I know what Uther’s like, coming out will be hard for Arthur.”
Merlin nods. “Pretty much.”
She stands. “I think I have some thinking to do.” She picks up her bag and turns to leave.
“Gwen, wait. I’m sure Arthur cares for you, he’s a good man, he wouldn’t have asked you to marry him if he didn’t love you.”
She gives him a small sad smile. “I believe you. I think Arthur does love me, just as I love him. And I think we could make it work, for a while at least. But he’s not in love with me. Nor I with him.”
“But-”
“I’m going to talk to Lance. I think I owe it to myself to be happy. As do you. Be happy, Merlin. Fight for him. Don’t let him be an idiot all his life.”
She comes back over and presses a small kiss to his cheek before walking out of the pub without looking back. He he has a horrible feeling he just lost his friend.