Assorted Numb3rs Season Finale Flailage
Some good news, first off, and the most important part:
AMITA DIDN'T DIE.
But boy did they make us worry a few times.
---A SYSTEMATIC BREAKDOWN OF THE NAILBITING AWESOMENESS---
1. Opener-- You'd think seeing something as traumatic as Amita's random grabbing right after she finished telling Charlie just how much she loves him would lose some of its horror the second time around.
...to which the Numb3rs writers roll their eyes scoff and say, "Yeah right."
So yeah. This time it was from Charlie's shaky half-concious perspective and it was still just as traumatic to watch, especially after the poor boy immediately hit the speed dial to big brother Don, and stuttered and mumbled out what had just happened as best he could before falling into unconciousness.
As if that wasn't bad enough, the numeric titlecard prepping us for this lovely scene had the customary random numbers that are later supposed to be significant with but nothing but question marks underneath the figures.
You know it's bad when the Numb3rs titlecard says: ??????
2. Immediate Reaction-- Don and fellow FBI personnel act swiftly. Much awesomeness is spoken by Don as he quite literally orders an army of cops out on the streets. "And wake up anyone who isn't here!"
It was kind of weird and cool seeing a certain LA street corner I'd actually regularly walked past making an appearance in the show. Though I guess I should have expected it seeing as how the Numb3rs crew is particularly fond of filming in that area of downtown. (Why was I never able to see this awesomeness as it happened?)
3. And The Creepiness Factor Hits Ten-- So then after a brief scare where we saw the kidnap car blow up (Amita was not in the car, but two of Mr. Creepy Cult Leader's female sex slaves concubines lackeys were and one of them was pregnant. FUN STUFF HUH?), we hang around the FBI a little bit watching Charlie fall to pieces and cease coherent functioning before finally cutting to Amita.
Being brought before Mr. Creepy.
Damn that's gonna give me nightmares.
So he basically looked like Charles Mansen except a little cleaner (at least in present form, he was plenty unkempt and unshaven in the prison footage they had on hand of him and believe me the cult leader parallels were plenty evident). When he meet him he is lounging on a couch surrounded by his bitches "tribe" like some kind of rich pimp. It did not help that all of said female companions wore matching expressions of bliss and contentment. Like evil Starfires.
He tells Amita that she's his "binary messenger".
Creepiness Detectors across America go on heightned alert.
4. In Which My OTP Is Awesome-- Cut back to the FBI where Charlie still cannot function. He stammers incoherently, can't form a complete thought or sentance, and his usual sharp and logical plot-saving mathematical genius is nowehere to be seen.
...
My gosh my ship is incredible. I've been following these two since the first season, through all their little awkward starts and cute shippy moments to when they hit their stride as a couple, continuing to provide the most heartwarming and "Aww" worthy scenes and never have I seen their love more Epic with a captial "E" than in this moment right here. To see, really see, the full extent of how much this little math geek cares about Amita, how much she affects him on an emotional level, and how much of his mental, emotional, and physical stabilty is depedent on her, so when she's taken away it's like his core is ripped out from under him...
I MEAN, CHARLIE IS LIKE LITERALLY HAVING A HEROIC BLUE-SCREEN-OF-DEATH AND IS MORE SHAKEN UP THAN HE WAS TWO WEEKS AGO WHEN HIS BROTHER GOT STABBED. THAT IS A HECK OF A LOT OF LOVE.
Now that I think about it, it's incredibly reminiscent of Robin/Starfire dynamics (at least in most of the best Original Flavor fanfics I've read, if not the cartoon itself.) I knew there was a reason I loved Charlie and Amita so much.
5. In Which The Plot Thickens-- THAT ONE AGENT DUDE (can't remember his name) IS TOTALLY BATMAN. Has the whole Stealth Hi Bye thing down pat.
Anyway Larry took over the running of analyses in Charlie's stead and they found the old hideout where the cars were switched and Don spent a lot of time looking over Mr. Creepy Incarnated's old interrogation videos. While Mr. Creepy Nightmare Fuel himself told Amita to hack into this certain bank's credit card web server/processor.
And then Amita was smart and awesome and FIGURED OUT A WAY TO GET A MESSAGE TO CHARLIE BY HACKING HIS CREDIT CARD ACCOUNT AND FAKING PURCHESES OF ITEMS SIGNIFICANT TO THEM AS A COUPLE.
Which the FBI promptly used to stake out her office and kill/capture two of the concubines lackeys, who were attempting to steal Amita's laptop. Because apparently the computer Mr. Creepy and Computer Illiterate had on hand sucked.
6. The Excrement Hits The Fan-- With the help of Amita's electronic codeword geektalk, Charlie finally snaps out of at least a little bit of his funk as he tries to figure out a clue left at the abduction scene. (Which turns out to be a burr puzzle.) Very touching brotherly moment as Don attempts to console him.
Meanwhile on Amita's end, we get very worried for her several times as Mr. Creepier Than Michael Jackson is all calmly crazy and nutso and casually pulls knives on her and whacks her once after she spits up rice in his face. (Go Amita!) So then we're treated to the psycho getting all up in her face and she's like, "Touch me and die!" and then he's like "Pfft! Bitch please." and we're treated to him grabbing her close and roughly kissing her and oh dear heavens thank you writers now that disturbing mental image is ingrained in my head.
AND THE RAPE ALARM STARTS BLARING AND CREEPINESS DETECTORS EVERYWHERE ARE ON RED ALERT.
Fortunately all he did was kiss her
And then, this being Numb3rs, the combined brains of the FBI and the math geeks manage to figure out the puzzle. Amita remains awesome by making the aforementioned fake credit purchases correspond with her personal IP addres so Charlie can tap into it and see onscreen what she's doing on Mr. Creepy Socks's computer.
Don gets awesome again by putting all that footage of Mr. Creepy Revoluionist Nut to use and psyching out the concubine female companion they captured, thereby getting her to reveal Amita's location.
AND THE SWAT TEAM SWOOPS IN AND THERE'S A FIREFIGHT LIEK WHOA AND SEX SLAVES ACCOMPLICES ARE FALLING LIKE FLIES.
Of course it gets very delicate very soon what with bombs and sentries and Amita being there and all.
7. The Thrilling Climax-- Charlie is able to set up a fake website that will imitate the attack Mr. Creepy Assaulted His Girlfriend is trying to pull off and puts it on Amita's screen at the exact opportune time. Larry uses math to figure out the "out" that Mr. Creepy and Diabolical left for himself and the FBI agents use that to get in. More firefighting and bullets flying. More Evil Happy Starfires bite the dust. Things get heated inside with Amita.
AN ALL-CAPS WARNING FROM CHARLIE APPEARS IN RED LETTERS ON HER SCREEN SAYING, "AMITA DUCK!" AMITA PROMPTLY COMPLIES AND BATMAN!AGENT SNIPES THE BEJEEZERS OUTTA MR. CREEPY AND THE REMAINING EVIL STARFIRES. Don appears soonafter to let us know Amita's okay and they're taking the punks to custody.
A Fraught Reunion of Destiny (to borrow the term from rawles of the Avatar Fandom) is had between Charlie and Amita, with requisite hug and passionate kiss.
8. In Which My OTP Is Awesome Again-- The gang is all there in the briefing room, laughing and joking, immensely glad that Amita is okay and the good guys won. Liz invites Nikki to join then. She, however, has a date with Batman!Agent.
WHICH LIEK TOTALLY TAKES EVERYONE OFF GUARD AND LIZ MAKES A HO YAY JOKE ABOUT HOW SHE THOUGHT BATMAN!AGENT WAS INTERESTED IN COLBY. LARRY SPITS OUT HIS DRINK. COLBY MANAGES TO TAKE THE CRACK IN GOOD THOUGH SLIGHTLY EMBARASSED HUMOR. IT IS UNKNOWN WHETHER HE ZINGED HER BACK AFTER THIS.
Don has a very heartfelt conversation with his father, in which he ties together several recurring plot underthreads of the past season, makes mention of Robin (squee!), and toasts to a job well done.
Charlie and Amita get to finish that date that was so rudely interrupted by traumatizing kidnapping last week. Charlie also waxes poetic about plot underthreads AND THIS IS WHEN I STARTED TO SUSPECT IT.
AND THEN THE WRITERS CONFIRM IT MOMENTS LATER WHEN IN THE MOST PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL CROWNING MOMENT OF HEARTWARMING HE KNEELS DOWN, PULLS OUT A RING, AND ASKS AMITA TO MARRY HIM. SHOW CLOSE-UP OF SPEECHLESS AMITA, PULL BACK TO FRAME BOTH, FREEZE, FADE OUT TO BLACK AND CUE CREDITS.
I SQUEED LIKE I HAD NOT SQUEED BEFORE.
So yeah. A VERY good season finale. Exciting, heartwarming, riddled with just the right kind of drama and sprinkled with all the wonderful character interaction I love about this show. Well done Numb3rs, well done.
....
P.S. Say "yes" Amita. Say "yes". Plz?