LOL this is so true
>WHY ENGLISH IS SO DIFFICULT
>
>We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
>but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
>One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
>yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
>
>You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
>yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
>If the plural of man is always called men,
>why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
>
>If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
>and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
>If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
>why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
>
>Then one may be that, and three would be those,
>yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
>and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
>We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
>
>but though we say mother we never say methren.
>Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
>but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
>-- Anonymous
>
>
>Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English;
>1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
>2) The farm was used to produce produce.
>3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
>4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
>5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
>6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
>7) There is no time like the present, he said it was time to present the
>present.
>8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
>9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
>10) I did not object to the object.
>11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
>12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
>13) They were too close to the door to close it.
>14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
>15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
>16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
>17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
>18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
>19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
>20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
>21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
>22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
>
>Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
>
>There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
>neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
>English muffins weren't invented in England
>We take English for granted. But if we explore its
>paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,
>boxing rings are square and
>a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
>And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
>grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
>Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
>If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
>what do you call it?
>If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
>If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
>In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
>Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
>Have noses that run and feet that smell?
>How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
>while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?
>You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
>in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
>in which you fill in a form by filling it out
>and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
>If Dad is Pop, how come! Mom isn't Mop?
>
>
>........GO FIGURE! That's American English.
>
>We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
>but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
>One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
>yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
>
>You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
>yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
>If the plural of man is always called men,
>why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
>
>If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
>and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
>If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
>why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
>
>Then one may be that, and three would be those,
>yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
>and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
>We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
>
>but though we say mother we never say methren.
>Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
>but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
>-- Anonymous
>
>
>Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English;
>1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
>2) The farm was used to produce produce.
>3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
>4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
>5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
>6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
>7) There is no time like the present, he said it was time to present the
>present.
>8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
>9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
>10) I did not object to the object.
>11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
>12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
>13) They were too close to the door to close it.
>14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
>15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
>16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
>17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
>18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
>19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
>20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
>21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
>22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
>
>Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
>
>There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
>neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
>English muffins weren't invented in England
>We take English for granted. But if we explore its
>paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,
>boxing rings are square and
>a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
>And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
>grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
>Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
>If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
>what do you call it?
>If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
>If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
>In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
>Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
>Have noses that run and feet that smell?
>How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
>while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?
>You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
>in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
>in which you fill in a form by filling it out
>and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
>If Dad is Pop, how come! Mom isn't Mop?
>
>
>........GO FIGURE! That's American English.