are you gunna understand yet?

[taretears]

you didnt have to tell me about your mom. just with what she said. ya deff. no need for that. seens how your the one who doesnt want anything to do with me. so just stop. i dont kno how many fucking times i have to tell you. but im tired of saying this. i fucked up. FUCKED. up. and thats the last time im going to tell you that. is that enough satisfaction for you???? well i hope so. cuz thats the last time your gunna hear that out of me. and didnt i tell you like twice on aim that i was on antidepressant pills. and they make me crazy? well i dunno. alls i kno is that you deff. only get half of me. i get some of you. and they are completly opposites. and the fact that your mom only knows your side of the story. i guess let them hate me? but you said. " your starting to make my parents hate you" uhhhh why did that matter in this situation? cuz see. if me and you dont talk. me and your parents dont talk. and you plan on never talking to me again. in which by the way....why are you still talking to me when you said that your done and told me to stop talking to you??????? did you kno that just makes me even more confused...? u just honeslty dont understand the simple me, and you deff dont get the deep shit about me either. you kno the middle parts and thats it. alls i kno. is that im done with ppl talking shit behind my back. im done with ppl who dont understand me. im done with ppl who dont respect my friendship. and im done with ppl who badger me until i explode. oh and for the record. i was deff. not trying to control you. from other points of view. ppl i kno thought you were trying to control me. ie...all my friends. which include...certain males. (they might have been jealous) and i wasnt scared to let go of you. i was scared that you would leave. or get pissed at me cuz i was living my life and you thought you werent apart of it. i dont even say you didnt get pissed. because everytime you fought with me you brung up the fact that i moved on, and "forgot about you". and the whole drunk thing. its ok for YOU to get all huffed and puffed about me "forgetting" about you and all of this other stuff. but its not ok for me to get mad at you. (also for the record.....i DIDNT kno what was going ON!! and you didnt bother to listen or believe me. then you dont bother to believe me in when i say i didnt "forget" about you, when im with someone else) you just stay pissed. but see thats kinda like the drinking thing. you can be a hypocryte but i cant???????? hm i kno two wrongs dont make a right. but i wish things work out that way. i just want to apologize for ever comeing into your life. and fucking it up. i let my emotions get in the way. thats why i listen to scars by papa roach. and i guess from now on im gonna be a cold heartless bitch. and lets see how everyone likes me then. and i am NOT going to get with him. i plan on staying single through out AIT. and then whatever happens happens. and the whole reason why you told me about your mom saying all that shit is because you wanted to make me feel like a fuck up. so thanks for that. i dont care anymore. i just dont. ya i will still love you and all. but im done. i think we both need to change. maybe you dont think so. but i think we BOTH do. and im starting right now. im gunna live my life happy wether you want to be in it or not. and still about this whole "actin like your wife" thing. i believe i was the first one to mention to u in one of our fights that "were not even dating" then you and i start to act like theres actually gunna be something this time. and i began to try. then when i get mad. you say that same exact thing to me??? no. its doesnt work that way. from now on unless proven.....PROVEN other wise. its friends. or nothing. so ill see you later............actually you said you didnt want anything to do with me. so see ya when ya wanna see or talk to me.

b4 i can understand, you have to understand me. and b4 you can understand, i have to understand you.

"you dont have to live forever, you just have to live"